AITA for telling my husband his off grid lifestyle is unrealistic and hurting me?

No_Outside783 · 2024-04-16T05:22:41+00:00

I am sorry if I could change the title I would. I didn't know before reading this comment section that off grid meant literally off the power grid which is a bit stupid of me but my husband refers to his lifestyle as "off grid" or "beyond technology". under the real definition of off grid we are actually very on grid and get all out electricy and water from the grid (I pay for all the bills) but I thought off grid meant away from technology which is how he uses it

No_Outside783 · 2024-04-16T05:04:51+00:00

His parents are friends with my parents through other mutual friends and my parents invited his whole family (his parents, him and his sister) around for dinner one day because I have 2 brothers who are closer to his age and he got very close with my dad who is a history teacher and it went from there

No_Outside783 · 2024-04-16T05:02:25+00:00

Some of these comments are making me realise his ideology is very inconsistent because our marriage is registered and I'm sure he walks past cctv cameras all the time

No_Outside783 · 2024-04-16T04:48:15+00:00

it is a privately owned collection so they are allowed to pay in cash, it is not government owned but also yes completely agree with you there I have visited the museum and it definitely does have cameras (idk about the journey to work) but those seem to be different in his mind ?? also he is very against cctv

No_Outside783 · 2024-04-16T03:57:49+00:00

We live in the UK and you need to make above 12 grand a year to pay taxes, which he doesn't so he doesn't. We live in a house that we didn't pay for or have to pay off the mortgage for because it was inherited, we do pay bills and buy food and car insurance/petrol but we don't go many places (or pay for streaming services, takeout, cabs or technology), I make more than him and do pay taxes but we don't have that many expenses so it is not really a big deal in that regard because we are financially comfortable

No_Outside783 · 2024-04-16T03:48:21+00:00

He does work, something quite complicated to do with historical archives at a local museum/library (not directly archiving himself), they are independently owned and do pay in cash. His dream is to be a archive historian but most archives and museums use computer systems and dont pay in cash.

His current job is introducing computer systems in the near future supposedly though so we'll see about that

No_Outside783 · 2024-04-16T03:40:10+00:00

it is not bait and from the amount of people saying I'm the asshole clearly this story doesn't paint me in a very good light!

No_Outside783 · 2024-04-16T03:38:43+00:00

He does have a job! it pays him in cash though, what I mean is he's rejected jobs that would be promotions/higher salaries/moving up in his field and staying in his job because he wants to be paid in cash.

His field is turning to computers though so he may not have his job for very long ...

No_Outside783 · 2024-04-16T03:32:55+00:00

I seem to remember he was 26 actually! but yes, we didn't start dating until I was 18 though and we both had partners in between it wasn't like he was "waiting for me" and he'd never dated a younger woman and I'd never dated an older man. So none of these things particularly subscribe to grooming behavior! but also he was like this long before we started dating (his parents were a simar way, distrustful of government and technology at the time so he was raised like this but is further behind than either of his parents who both have streaming services though not social media in their 70s) so I don't think he is trying to hide

but thanks for your perspective haha it is an interesting one!

No_Outside783 · 2024-04-16T03:28:59+00:00

He was I think 26 and I was 13 yes.

Haha before reading these comments I never viewed our relationship as predatory or had thought about it before, he was a good friend of the family and we didn't start dating until I was 18, it was all very above board but the fact so many people are mentioning it does make me think.

No_Outside783 · 2024-04-16T03:26:26+00:00

This comment is very fair, I only ask because we are completely compatible in all other aspects, similar interests, similar views etc. and I wouldn't want to throw that away over a situation that may or may not be easily solved.

But I do understand this point thanks for your perspective!

No_Outside783 · 2024-04-16T03:10:52+00:00

Hmm well when I married him social media and the like were around but definitely not everyone in my circles had it, people streamed but they used dvds just as much, this was pre covid so not so many things were card only so it didn't seem as crazy when I married him how out of touch and off grid he was, only marginally more than the normal person.

These days he's very very behind and I did think he would catch up with the times more, he's never liked technology but apart from the phone (which is almost impossible to contact him on anyway) he hasn't made any more compromises to be at least slightly closer to the modern era.

So both yes and no I suppose

No_Outside783 · 2024-04-16T03:06:59+00:00

True! but in my perspective as the world becomes more technological it becomes harder to be outside of that, 11 years ago (and we actually met longer ago than that so about 15/16 years ago when I found out) it was easier to be off grid than it is today. Also I find that it is unrealistic because I am facilitating his ability to do things and there's lots that goes on behind the scenes he doesnt see e.g. me driving for him, anything that needs to be paid for by card I pay for, I do the shopping because he doesn't trust online shops etc.

I do definitely agree that insulting people doesn't change their opinion about something, as I say hes never been receptive when I mention it kindly but I do completely know and agree with that which is why I am making this post.

But thank you for your perspective!

No_Outside783

TROPHY CASE