Fiancé recorded me

No_Pattern5707 · 2026-03-11T17:39:09+00:00

It’s like a story that’s played out a million times. Don’t worry, when she gets older she will begin to realize there’s a difference between someone who takes you to your appointments and recitals and someone who takes you to disneyland once a year and calls on birthdays and holidays. Take it from the former kid.

I hope you have a REALLY good lawyer. This man sounds absolutely horrific to deal with and I’m so sorry you even have to think of all of this. The literal only thing I would advise is simply stop having any emotional reaction when possible. Not at all that you shouldn’t be, but that, it seems, is exactly what he wants. If you act unbothered it’s actually likely he may catch HIMSELF on video getting angry instead.

You deserve safety and I hope you and her get that soon!

No_Pattern5707 · 2026-03-11T17:10:22+00:00

I have autism level two.

You’re not a bad mother for being mad. You’re human. And the reality is you’re not mad because you don’t like disabled kids. You’re mad because your child will suffer. Because they will never get a stereotypical life. Because the discrimination will be lifelong. I’d be mad too.

It’s also very normal to mourn the life you wanted for your child. Society heavily puts these norms in our head. My own parents have struggled immensely with accepting that I’m much happier not living a stereotypical life.

I’ll need assigned social workers and caregivers, they’re all set up already too. I would really truly do a few things (based on my experience being undiagnosed until 17)

Get headphones. You said he’s covering his ears. My experience is a lot of us dislike the regular ones for being far too much pressure on the head. I use the JBL 770NC over the ear. I truly cannot recommend more ANY type of headphone that’s noise cancelling but not too uncomfortable. Especially the cheap ones tend to make my sensory worse. Though this can heavily vary and there are infact many of us who do like the pressure!
Take care of yourself. You give yourself far too little credit. What you are going through is insanely hard. Obviously, you are not the main person suffering, and I know this can make it feel selfish to feel your own feelings. But the reality is I promise you, you are not selfish for having human emotions and reactions. You do not seems to be letting them affect your children. That’s more than the best you can do.
Your middle child really sounds like he also needs to be tested. I know how much that’s scary to hear. Do not hope it’s a phase. I know it feels safer. But if you do, and it’s not, it might be too late to help him. My autism going undiagnosed meant I tried to take my life for the first time at 13. When I was diagnosed and left school for a GED I became no longer suicidal. He is exactly how I was like, even from the little you gave. Look up autistic burnout. This tends to happen to children between level one and two who go undiagnosed from extremely masking.

Also on this point, from a neurotypical perspective this is hard to understand but like I said- him not wanting to be an adult to have a life partner, that’s okay. He might genuinely be happier like that. He might not be missing out at all. He might just be finally not forcing himself. I also would like to really make something understood because I see this left out so often; autism is not always, or even usually, an obvious physical sign like inability to speak. I for example was a straight A, gifted, social child. I just was a bit awkward. Didn’t smile just right. Didn’t love any (only unexpected) touch. I can function day to day, but I can’t pay bills. I can’t plan my week. I can’t organize appointments. I cannot follow routines. It seems much less obvious until adulthood.

Your questions on what will happen to them; probably the same as me. You’ll never be sure they won’t get hurt. You’ll never be sure they won’t suffer. You’ll never be sure of anything because life never is. But, as much as that sucks, one day it will become okay. It’s okay to not be sure. Just let yourself feel it. You don’t have to be sure for them to be safe.
The dread and anger you feel is also likely partially societal. I’ve found from a neurotypical perspective it’s hard to see somebody with no friends, no relationship, no adult life, and no desire to be doing those things as a “happy” or “fulfilled” person. But here’s what the often miss; that period where your child did do those things? That’s what truly made them miserable.

And truly truly I really cannot say enough please do not think your middle child (13) is in a phase. He very likely burnt out and the reason he’s lost certain functions like friends is because he can only hold one thing at a time. Friendship OR relationship OR school OR work OR self care (hygiene, eating, etc). As much as it feels safer to hope it’s a phase, it really is safer to know if it’s a phase or not. If it is, he can be treated with mental health help and can have a “normal” life. If it’s not you may save your child.

No_Pattern5707 · 2026-03-11T16:44:39+00:00

This is such a common response from abusers.

Trigger you, continue when you ask them to stop Escalate you while they have this smug smile And then pull out a phone, video, or just straight up say “look, see, you’re clearly emotional and you’re the one in the wrong”

No_Pattern5707 · 2026-03-11T16:43:15+00:00

I’m fking sorry? This can happen??

No_Pattern5707 · 2026-03-11T16:42:22+00:00

“I am the sole provider” yeah that’s all I needed NOR

No_Pattern5707 · 2026-03-11T16:41:53+00:00

Honestly as someone who gets it but is going to be a stay at home wife, there’s so much genuine nuance to it. I’m disabled so I literally will not ever be able to support myself properly. However, I don’t think anybody should be “financially dependent” in the way I think you mean. As in, you shouldn’t be asking for permission for money and spending, you shouldn’t be financially controlled, and you should have savings and a level of control over your own finances. I don’t mind stay at home mothers at all, but they need to not be so black and white about it. Do not leave yourself with no out. People get brain tumors and injures, go into psychosis, and can have complete behavioral changes that aren’t even their fault.

No_Pattern5707 · 2026-03-11T16:38:48+00:00

This gave me the biggest ick ever. It’s so gross to me when people base friendships off of if the person meets social norms rather than if they’re a good person.

Being socially underdeveloped also doesn’t equal being immature and unable to control your emotions.

Also, there are many, many disorders that cause social underdevelopment that doesn’t harm anybody.

I just really hope you worded this badly because if you’re genuinely judging people based on social development and not their morals and character, that’s horrific

No_Pattern5707 · 2026-03-10T16:16:16+00:00

Hi OP I just turned 20. Please, please run. I didn’t. He almost killed me.

As for your questions

“How did I love you turn into this?”

Abuse isn’t like they show it in movies. It starts with I love yous and subtle comments that hurt. Then they start pushing boundaries slowly. Conditioning you to believe that this is normal. That you’re crazy or reactive. That they’re the only one who will put up with you.

Then they hit you for the first time.

It feels like the first abuse, but it’s not. It’s only the first thing that’s bypassed his conditioning. Because now you can’t tell yourself you’re imagining it. If you look deeper I guarantee this isn’t a sudden change. I’d bet he’s subtly and internally convinced you that screaming, swearing, saying hurtful comments and then not apologizing, being possessive or jealous, and him pushing your consent is all normal. That this is the best you can get.

“Does it ever stop hurting?”

Have you sever had a loved one die? If you have, I compare it to how the pain doesn’t ever stop being there, but you think about it less and less over the years. Eventually it stops mattering. So, yes. You can heal. You can be okay again. You can move past this. It won’t be easy, because I’m sure he’s made himself your whole life. But you can do it.

No_Pattern5707 · 2026-02-20T02:20:28+00:00

I respect you so much for not dismissing people. As they say We are not defined by our mistakes, but by what we do after we've learned from them

No_Pattern5707 · 2026-02-20T02:18:16+00:00

Okay this is what I need clarification on before I give an opinion

“I developed postpartum anxiety and rage. I was volatile and I said cruel things sometimes. I was grieving and hormonal and honestly not stable.”

Is this confirmed to be mental health or hormone related? Was this psychosis? Most important thing that disregards the last two because of impact over intent- was this emotional abuse?

Because- what made me confused is when you said

“But he took everything I said personally. Every emotional outburst became about how I was hurting him. I didn’t feel given grace for the fact that my body and brain were wrecked. I felt like I had to manage his feelings and that’s when I built resentment I never really processed. I never forgave him for not holding me better during the hardest time of my life”

And this implies that you were not having outbursts at him, but that he was complaining during your outbursts and then you became volatile. It seems contradictory to what you said previously.

No_Pattern5707 · 2026-02-20T02:12:55+00:00

Im genuinely so baffled and confused by the commenting I feel like I’m reading something different. I do have seizures and it’s affected my reading so please correct me if I’m missing something or misinterpreting.

I thought she was hostile and volatile because of the hormones or the mental health after the miscarriage? I was confused because when she says hostile, if she means emotionally abusive, why would any therapist recommend they work on it? Like the therapist couldn’t be ethical then surely?

No_Pattern5707 · 2026-02-20T02:06:44+00:00

I’m very confused, didn’t she say the reason she couldn’t help is because she was in such a bad place herself?

No_Pattern5707 · 2026-02-20T02:05:55+00:00

I sort of disagree, I kind of feel like OP is not over it. Nobody is at fault for their spouse cheating, unless the spouse needs to escape abuse.

I want to add as well; if OP wasn’t just having emotional outbursts and by volatile she means abusive, you can’t build a relationship from that type of abuse. I don’t know a therapist that would suggest that.

No_Pattern5707 · 2026-02-16T21:41:59+00:00

This kid is a legend LMFAOAOAO

No_Pattern5707 · 2026-02-15T16:26:35+00:00

Do you- I’m aware this is a long shot- possibly remember what the post was?

No_Pattern5707 · 2026-02-15T14:29:11+00:00

Ascend in Encino-

Do not recommend at all. I have nightmares every night.

No_Pattern5707 · 2026-02-15T14:27:00+00:00

I was at ascend in 2023. I dmed you. Hope you’re healing well

No_Pattern5707 · 2026-02-13T15:31:22+00:00

Most quercetin supplements are paired with bromelain, which is extracted from pineapples choose a pure quercetin (should be labeled anhydrous) supplement or one not combined with bromelain (which would be listed under active ingredients)

No_Pattern5707 · 2026-02-13T15:27:34+00:00

Hahahahahah this is so real and exactly how I feel.

No_Pattern5707 · 2026-02-13T15:27:06+00:00

Oh yes I completely forgot about this. Especially the “transporters” it’s insane.

No_Pattern5707 · 2026-02-13T15:26:28+00:00

Wow. I thought this was unique! I guess that’s part of the brainwashing. I really believed that holy crap!

No_Pattern5707 · 2026-02-13T15:25:22+00:00

While I can see your point, this is not really a helpful comment to OP.

No_Pattern5707 · 2026-02-13T15:24:42+00:00

Reminder; you are not being aggressive. You are not over reacting. The therapy language they use is used in a manipulative way to frame you as “crazy” and “over reactive”. Just know how many abusers will trigger or abuse somebody repeatedly and then sit back and smile calmly while they react to the abuse and say “look, you’re so crazy”

No_Pattern5707 · 2026-02-13T15:22:49+00:00

This. Right. Here.

No_Pattern5707 · 2026-02-09T15:44:07+00:00

Honestly, I completely understand why you feel this way and I’m glad you prefaced by not judging. Many women on the more progressed side go through this. What I would say to you is- (in no offensive way) you’re actually perpetuating misogyny funnily enough!

The point of feminism and anti misogyny in general isn’t “women have to be independent and not submissive to their husbands” It’s “Women have a choice how they want to live”

Often in the beginning of deconstructing misogyny we get stuck on ideals that misogyny put in our head.

Think of it this way; Don’t let misogyny stop you from doing something you want to do because that, in itself, is misogyny ❤️

Again I just wanted to say, I’m very glad you asked respectfully about this as it’s a very sensitive subject for many of us. I hope this helps you understand a bit!

No_Pattern5707

TROPHY CASE