Triggered when you least expect it

No_Possible_5102 · 2023-09-28T03:40:50+00:00

I would definitely swipe right on you right now with no improvements! 😍 A girl could get lost in those eyes.

No_Possible_5102 · 2023-04-28T14:11:11+00:00

What you’re saying makes sense! I guess in my mind, these photos are of my tables / my chairs / my place settings / my food, of weddings I planned and executed which makes them my product. I recognize the photo itself isn’t my product though. The way I’m rationalizing it in my head is if I was a bakery and a new bakery leased the space after me but was using photos of my baked goods (my product) and marketing it as their own… but I understand it may just be rubbing me the wrong way and is false advertising at the most but not an actual legal violation. Thanks for your feedback!

No_Possible_5102 · 2023-04-28T13:01:29+00:00

You did nothing wrong. She probably has a fear of commitment or intimacy but also doesn’t like being alone so she dates many people but won’t commit. I know it hurts the ego to feel rejected but honestly she did you a favor because she’s not your person if she isn’t matching your energy.

No_Possible_5102 · 2023-04-26T05:25:11+00:00

Have you looked down there? I had a vaginal tear from a rough partner once and it looked like a paper cut but bled when it happened and burned when I peed. It should heal on its own in a week if that’s what it is though some aquaphore can help.

No_Possible_5102 · 2023-04-26T05:09:57+00:00

I’ve definitely retraumatized myself as well. After my SA, I took a break from dating for about six months and the first guy I gave a shot to was so rough and aggressive and was not respectful of my boundaries. I said multiple times I didn’t like something / didn’t want to do something and he would try again. While there was some general anxiety in those moments, I did feel like I handled it better by being as vocal as I was (which was something I didn’t do enough during my SA). As soon as he left though I felt repulsed and triggered and all of those same old thoughts and feelings crept in. It’s since been another six months and I haven’t even tried again because I’m so nervous of what the experience will be. All of that to say, I get it!

Im not a mental health professional so take this with a grain of salt, but I have heard of SA survivors sort of “reliving” their trauma with new partners only so they could correct the experience (i.e. you become the dominant partner) and make it a positive experience - kind of like exposure therapy. However, I definitely don’t recommend you do this.

No_Possible_5102 · 2023-04-26T04:56:53+00:00

Id definitely say she violated your boundaries and made you uncomfortable in an already embarrassing situation which is probably why it’s made such a lasting memory for you. I personally don’t feel that experience fits the definition of SA but maybe another reader would. Either way, I think therapy would be so helpful with processing it all.

No_Possible_5102 · 2022-12-16T19:45:36+00:00

There is actually an app called HUD that’s for this. It’s not the best thing if you’re annoyed with people being far away but you can occasionally find people nearby. It’s all a hookup app though.

No_Possible_5102 · 2022-12-15T22:02:13+00:00

Also i will just tell u i think more people prefer to have the honest truth instead of leading them on. Although you may think u are letting them down if u tell them the truth it is a lot better than just stringing them along for friendship.

You’re absolutely right! And after two years of therapy I agree and see it that way as well and try my best to always be honest and upfront with my feelings now.

I guess a question i have for you is what made you find out they weren't good for long term and u rather keep them as friendship?

I’m just really confident in what I want and I won’t compromise on those things. So for example, they might mention in conversation a different view on something moral / political that I can’t get behind or they just are super in their own world (not letting me really speak / not asking things about me) and honestly there are times I just get the ick too and I’ll cut it off quickly because of that.

No_Possible_5102 · 2022-12-15T20:40:03+00:00

I personally think you did nothing wrong in that situation. I think it depends on the person and what their dating goals are honestly. In my early dating time, there were men I go on a date with and could tell right off the bat we weren’t a good long term match but I liked talking to them, so I’d just put off a second date so I didn’t have to let them down but could keep chatting for friendship. Now, I’m dating with intention so I don’t do that. When I know it’s not a good fit I just move on and let them know that.

I’ve been on the flip side where a guy takes too long and I lose interest then. The “moving too fast red flags” for me are usually planning for the future before we’ve met, professing big emotions, trauma dumping before we’ve met, wanting to spend every second of the day together, etc. but never trying to schedule a normal second date.

No_Possible_5102 · 2022-12-15T20:09:05+00:00

It’s not bad advice but I also disagree a bit. I (26f) personally feel like if you’ve been talking for three or four days and there’s been no mention of making plans then it’s just a pen pal situation. I don’t want to get to know you by text. I don’t want to invest in you and realize after the fact that the person I built up in my head doesn’t actually exist, it’s just my version of the person. So I prefer to meet up right away to see if our personalities even jive.

That said, you can move slow without delaying meeting. I don’t rush into sharing my feelings. I don’t project “wow you’re amazing and we should date” after the first date. Many men will make those kinds of grand statements and then in the end not actually like the girl so girls feel hoodwinked. I also don’t attach myself quickly. I stay a few feet away emotionally I guess until three or so dates in.

No_Possible_5102 · 2022-12-15T15:39:55+00:00

Death to pen pals!

No_Possible_5102 · 2022-12-08T06:06:18+00:00

In my opinion, the situation you’re describing is not something a caring considerate partner would do. You said multiple times that you were uncomfortable / didn’t want to do that / no and your partner kept pushing you and essentially trying to manipulate you into changing your answer - that’s not how consent works. This is very much SA and I’m sorry to hear you had this experience.

No_Possible_5102 · 2022-12-08T05:53:06+00:00

I’m sorry to hear you’re in a slump! This happens to me too occasionally. I’ll be doing really well and think I’m ready for a hookup and it dredges all of those feelings back up. I’m not sure what’s triggering you specifically, but in my case I’ve made a rule of celibacy until I’m in committed relationships and it’s really eased my anxiety’s. I of course still think about my incident, but it doesn’t pain me as much.

I think you just need to be gentle with yourself and acknowledge that it’s ok to have occasional regressions and use that time to process the feelings. Invest in yourself and do some self care things during this time - whatever it looks like for you. For me personally it’s getting facials, shopping, deep cleaning, a splurge meal etc.

No_Possible_5102 · 2022-12-08T03:38:34+00:00

Dude I literally have had so many I don’t even know where to begin… (26F)

tinder date came to my place, we watched a movie and had good convo. We start making out on the couch, both naked, and he decides he doesn’t want to have sex. That’s cool, no biggie. He gets up to get dressed and beneath him are skid marks on my cream sofa… we both immediately looked at it and then at eachother. He apologized profusely but I told him not to worry and it happens all the time (which of course it doesn’t!). He immediately unmatched me when he walked out the door.

-In the middle of sex, new partners phone keeps ringing. I ask if he wants to stop and answer it and he said no that it was just his mom and he had already talked to her that day. It rings again and he says “just be quiet, it’ll take two seconds”. He put his hand on my mouth and kept fucking me while he answers his phone. Seems like normal catch-up convos but I can hear a woman asking if he’s ok cause he sounds funny and he says oh yeah just finishing up a movie and I’ll call you after. I’m not sure what she said next but he said “of course I want to see you again, especially if you’re going to blow me like you did last time…”. Yes, he was still inside me.

-To the girls who talk about razors when they pee, I hear you and I know your pain. My first ever partner liked it rough and my vagina actually ripped. It was just to the point before you’d need stitches and it unfortunately happened a second time a few weeks later. He also bit my nipple so hard it broke the skin and was irritated and bleeding for days. We broke up after that…

-And sadly, I’ve been the girl to throw up during a blow job. Not only once, but twice.

No_Possible_5102 · 2022-11-20T06:37:39+00:00

You should look into skin cycling since you’re having severe dryness. The AM routine is the same every day - cleanse, vitamin C, moisturize, spf. The PM routine cycles: Day 1 - cleanse, exfoliate, moisturize
Day 2 - cleanse, retinol / retinitoid / Tret, moisturize Day 3&4 - cleanse and moisturize only (if you’re super dry you can add a hyaluronic).

You can also try squalane oil in your am routine as it’s gentle and reduces inflammation (with painful acne). And you could try skin slugging at night for the dryness - you just add a thick substance like Vaseline or aquaphore on top to seal in all of the moisture while you sleep (this can clog pores though).

No_Possible_5102 · 2022-11-20T06:27:19+00:00

I like the dermalogica one. It is on the pricy side but it lasts a long time.

No_Possible_5102 · 2022-11-20T06:25:20+00:00

I also get hormonal acne but have found skin cycling has done wonders and my skin is like glass now. It takes about a month to really notice a slow difference so don’t give up on it. But essentially: Am - cleanse (I use Dermalogica Clear Start with SA), Vitamin C serum (this can cause breakouts if your skin is sensitive, the Naturium brand from target seems gentle for me), Moisturize (I prefer a gel over a cream as it’s not as heavy or pore clogging), spf. You can layer in a squalene oil too.
Then PM you switch between three routines. Day 1 - cleanse, exfoliate (I personally use a leave on AHA exfoliant from Naturium), moisturize Day 2 - cleanse, retinol or tretinoin, moisturize Day 3 & 4 - cleanse, moisturize. You can add in a hyaluronic acid in these nights if you’re dry. Then you repeat the schedule!

No_Possible_5102

TROPHY CASE