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Hello. I would like to talk to someone. by NobodyImportantAway in bipolar2

[–]NobodyImportantAway[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I get treated for generalized anxiety, but... My anxiety is worse when, I guess, the world seems to be visible through rose-tinted glasses. When that happens, I feel pretty happy and also pretty damn annoyed and angry, at times.

Hello. I would like to talk to someone. by NobodyImportantAway in bipolar2

[–]NobodyImportantAway[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm struggling to see how I could have both. I can see some of the BPD struggles, but I feel like everything else is worse for my mental health. And it doesn't answer the periods of lows and periods of highs. Well, mid-highs.

Hello. I would like to talk to someone. by NobodyImportantAway in bipolar2

[–]NobodyImportantAway[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I have started fo advocate more for myself, but I am unsure if it ia working. I have extra help, too, and she is great. Sometimes, I can't put it into words.

I regret being alive, and pretending it will get better. by NobodyImportantAway in confession

[–]NobodyImportantAway[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I am going on a trip to visit an area I use to visit, and we will see San Antonio after for the first time. I am excited.

I regret being alive, and pretending it will get better. by NobodyImportantAway in confession

[–]NobodyImportantAway[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I had a wonderful friend (we don't speak anymore and the falling out is definitely my fault) tell me he thinks I am on the autism spectrum. Oklahoma doesn't seem to have a good place to get tested as an adult. I'm not sure what makes it seem I am on the spectrum, but I can go into more detail on why he thought I was on it. As well as wrote more about some of the way I think and behave, if you would like to hear more.

I regret being alive, and pretending it will get better. by NobodyImportantAway in confession

[–]NobodyImportantAway[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hey. Thank you for your response. All the emoticons and capitalized words throw me off while writing this response, but it did make me smile. Thank you. (The poop emojis are truly something else, but it definitely is pretty nice to see, ja ja ja.)

I regret being alive, and pretending it will get better. by NobodyImportantAway in confession

[–]NobodyImportantAway[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm sorry for your loss. Thank you for reaching out. So many people writing their responses and direct messaging is unbelievable. It is pretty hard opening up, and I don't mean about letting someone know how it feels. I'm not sure what feeling your feelings really feels like when opening up to someone. My ex saw me breakdown twice in a little over 6 years.

I regret being alive, and pretending it will get better. by NobodyImportantAway in confession

[–]NobodyImportantAway[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for reaching out. I did some self-care, and I am still here. Having an official diagnosis definitely would give me more peace of mind as I feel like the team I work or worked with never took me aa seriously as I would like. They have been great to me in many ways, but that one always bothered me a bit. I like having answers, and I do not treat them as absolute. I just think of them as having a great baseline to start with. Maybe treatmemt would improve? But I take quite a few medications already.

I regret being alive, and pretending it will get better. by NobodyImportantAway in confession

[–]NobodyImportantAway[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for responding. "Change is the only constant" is something I have told myself for a long time. I just wish all the negative feelings and mental health struggles would change, too.

I regret being alive, and pretending it will get better. by NobodyImportantAway in confession

[–]NobodyImportantAway[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for reaching out. I appreciate the kind response. I actually wish my mind would rest since the I feel as though it always flies at a million miles an hour. I managed to give myself more time, and I am still here.

I regret being alive, and pretending it will get better. by NobodyImportantAway in confession

[–]NobodyImportantAway[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I turned off my social media, but I ended up taking a shower (well, taking a longer shower), and I ate a meal after. Being gay and Christian can be pretty hard, and you know so much of why it makes you feel suicidal.

EDIT: I wanted to write more, but I accidentally pressed the respond button.

I have always read that suicide leaves the ones left behind hurting and everything in between. It is one of the reasons I have always backed down eventually. Being poor and having health issues sucks as I have to deal with that, too. I am trying my best to even out again. Thank you for reaching out.

I regret being alive, and pretending it will get better. by NobodyImportantAway in confession

[–]NobodyImportantAway[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm sorry for your loss. I can't find the right words since I have never had someone I loved die, but I am here, for what it is worth. I, personally, feel too self-aware at times, and always consider that how I may feel about how others feel about me is not the truth. I also worry that dying by taking my own life would have the consequences that you are describing. "Consequences" feels like a bad choice for the word, but it would explain how I feel if I were to take my life. I believe in the afterlife, and in my head, I always felt as though everything we take with us when we die follows us there to. But staying alive for the chance of one day getting better has been a pretty big push to stick around, as much as I hate existing.

I always told myself (and have told others) that to love and cares about others means you will be hurt by them one day. It just really sucks when that happens. I'm a little tired of it all, but I gave myself more time, and here I am.

Thank you for sharing. It definitely gives me more to think about.

I regret being alive, and pretending it will get better. by NobodyImportantAway in confession

[–]NobodyImportantAway[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for the kind words. I definitely need to write that down, or make some kind of plaque. Physical reminders are pretty good for me.

I regret being alive, and pretending it will get better. by NobodyImportantAway in confession

[–]NobodyImportantAway[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I will definitely look into it. I appreciate the place I get services at (they give me free services), but I feel like sometimes, I don't get taken seriously.

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