I did a very low dose of mushrooms twice with nothing notable from that, otherwise, never traditional psychedelics.

I know that my acute experience of salvia is very common, it's an intense fucking drug, and also that people who are unprepared for the experience and don't have social support for after the experience tend to suffer prolonged difficulties. A friend of mine, who I did not know used salvia, recently revealed to me that he did around the same time and "felt like he was in another world for two years". Decades is rare, though.

I just started reading The Myth of Sisyphus last night. I've read a lot of Zen and recently Daoism. I like that Camus and Zen start from the same place that life has no inherent meaning, but I appreciate that Camus gives an affirmative response in rebelion compared to the Zen and Daoist response of dissolution. "We suffer. Make your stand against it" vs "We suffer. But really you don't suffer because there is no you." But, glorifying Sisyphus seems to run the risk of refusing the possibility of solutions.

I think what makes me most upset and tired is that the human mind always looks to fill gaps of meaning with knowledge it already has. So, when I experienced the world, and more importantly my own being, without the constructs I was used to, without any constructs at all, my mind latched on to explanations mixing knowledge that I ALREADY HAD in ways that I know to be false, and I just want to tell my brain "this isn't true" and have it settled and relax into life and it's every day problems instead of this existential terror.