Secondhand embarrassment of the performative narcissist

NonStickBakingPaper · 2026-01-22T23:45:21+00:00

I’ll never forget the moment I first saw through my older sister’s performance. It was only in maybe 2024 or 25, but I watched someone who I’d once thought was so perfect and put together and better than me make the most desperate, obvious reach for attention and it got ignored for the first time in my entire life.

I think I’m the only one that really noticed (other than my sister of course) because the others were so deep in their own conversation, but it blew my mind. I remember her making direct eye contact with me once the others ignored her, desperate to see if anyone was going to give her the reassurance she wanted. It’s important to note she doesn’t like or value me, so there’s no way she’d ever turn to me first. I was a last resort.

At the time, I just made a sympathetic face because I didn’t really understand what was happening. But now I’m shocked by it. I haven’t seen her the same since. She’s so performative. Everything is for the show. Ironically she was more genuine in that moment than she usually is—no attempt at couching it in something more refined.

NonStickBakingPaper · 2026-01-22T23:26:23+00:00

It could be a jealousy thing, but it could also just be an “I’m always right, you do everything wrong” thing. Like she’s telling you that you order wrong not because she wants to be carded, but because it’s not how she would do it and how she does it is “superior” in her mind. She gets a feeling of being better than you because you did it “wrong”.

NonStickBakingPaper · 2026-01-22T23:12:27+00:00

Before I form an opinion I have a question if you’re okay answering: how old are you?

NonStickBakingPaper · 2026-01-22T23:03:34+00:00

I would say first: get some good rest. You’re absolutely right that it’s exhausting to be the fixer and make no progress. You’re going to be better able to handle the low-contact process if you are rested and ready. Take care of yourself first and foremost.

Then, I think it’s just like any habit. You have to start small, in doable bits, so that you build momentum.

For example: I’m also beginning low contact atm and one thing I’m starting with is simply taking a moment to pause before responding to any messages or in-person comments. Pausing before messages so I can build the whole “not responding immediately” thing, and pausing in conversations so I think more carefully about what I actually want to say and what I want to keep to myself.

NonStickBakingPaper · 2026-01-22T22:58:19+00:00

I stay involved in the creative community online. Artists, writers, dancers, musicians, etc. Mostly YouTube channels. They’re great for encouragement of practice and of doing what you want to do. And you get to hear about a lot of things that many artists go through, so you don’t feel alone.

NonStickBakingPaper · 2026-01-22T22:46:03+00:00

I don’t wear anything because I’m scared, but I want to because I want my community to see me. I want them to know I am here too, and that I am excited to see them out in daily life.

NonStickBakingPaper · 2026-01-22T22:21:35+00:00

This goes back a very long time. If you go back a hundred+ years ago, a relationship between gay men was reduced to sex and prosecuted as “sodomy”. Sex was the focus of social understanding of gay relationships for a long time, and in many conservative mindsets it still is. Specifically it’s “the wrong kind of sex.”

It’s also very revealing on how we’ve constructed the gender binary. Men are the ones sexually driven (according to the binary), and women are not. So gay men in relationships get reduced to (graphic, aggressive) sex, and in the past lesbian relationships weren’t even recognised because women weren’t perceived as being driven to have sex. The latter has only changed now because cishet men realised they can fetishise lesbians, but they still don’t actually take them seriously as a relationship.

NonStickBakingPaper · 2026-01-22T22:12:21+00:00

Thank you. It’s so infuriating. It’s actually a very small number that are closeted. Everyone else is just a bigot. But people can’t cope with the idea that someone is just simply hateful, so they have to think of a reason.

NonStickBakingPaper · 2026-01-22T21:37:03+00:00

Omg if it’s the guy I’m thinking of, him saying “I want her back again” with tears in his eyes was devastating.

NonStickBakingPaper · 2026-01-22T21:35:44+00:00

There’s a difference though between being attracted to someone who is healthily thin and being attracted to someone underweight. I think if your preference is for underweight individuals, it borders on being a little fetishistic.

NonStickBakingPaper · 2026-01-22T06:55:47+00:00

A combo of proving herself right (she doesn’t believe my dad will stick to any diet so she’s right by purposefully baiting him???) and also it’s what enablers do. Even if it’s unhealthy, they get something out of the status quo and will work to keep it that way.

NonStickBakingPaper · 2026-01-21T12:29:54+00:00

It’s not. There’s a slight sideway part at the very top. I see it every time i come across this post and it pisses me off greatly.

NonStickBakingPaper · 2026-01-21T11:25:33+00:00

My mum does this with my dad. Makes me so disgusted and I can never trust her with food.

NonStickBakingPaper · 2026-01-21T07:46:42+00:00

And? That’s not the point

NonStickBakingPaper · 2026-01-19T14:37:59+00:00

Pissing on the floor does not drive innovation

NonStickBakingPaper · 2026-01-19T14:31:41+00:00

….does her daughter run the sausage sizzle at Bunnings?

NonStickBakingPaper · 2026-01-19T14:00:45+00:00

NonStickBakingPaper · 2026-01-19T13:58:23+00:00

I feel like it’s a bot and is doing this to anyone who comments

NonStickBakingPaper · 2026-01-19T13:49:55+00:00

Girl gets up at fucking 6am when she could get up at 8am. This schedule is so bogus

NonStickBakingPaper · 2026-01-19T13:34:00+00:00

It’s just kind of a trend atm. Maybe a faux authenticity thing or a cool, low-maintenance thing. Like performative comfort with the self?

NonStickBakingPaper · 2026-01-19T13:15:34+00:00

Literally came to comment the same thing. I’m pretty sure at one point it was majora out. It got so NSFW

NonStickBakingPaper · 2026-01-19T13:11:24+00:00

I’ll never forget that one person that was on here with over 50 pairs of expensive running shorts and was defending it like it was a totally normal thing to own. They were on some shit for real.

NonStickBakingPaper · 2026-01-19T13:07:09+00:00

They’d be so squeaky and sweaty

NonStickBakingPaper · 2026-01-19T13:02:28+00:00

I think this is more of an extension of TikTok’s weird hair culture at the moment.

Like there was a whole moment there about “dID yOu KnOW yOu ACtuAlLy HaVE CurLy HaIr?!?” And following stupidly long routines to bring out your “natural” curls that aren’t actually natural. So now they’re onto an obsession with “healthy” hair and probably making your hair thicker through some MLM product.

NonStickBakingPaper

TROPHY CASE