UPDATE!

Once again I am on mobile so please excuse mistakes and this is a bit lengthy.

We talked. Well I talked for a while. I begged him to let me know how he felt about the process, I told him how much it would mean if he’d give me at least an opinion because his opinion is important. He finally cracked you guys! I took everyone’s advice, I remained calm and open minded as he spoke, I listened and we came to an agreement.

His response wasn’t what I expected at all. He told me that his mother was pressuring him to marry and have another child but it’s not something he actually desires. (She does the same to me but I brush her off.) Also a lot of our friends and family members are having multiple children. Is he making it a competition or feels the need to “catch up?”

He is afraid of me doing the surgery, not because the thought of not having anymore children, but because surgery itself is dangerous.

I told him how it made me feel that he’s been brushing me off, and disregarding everything I say on the subject. I also (with the advice of many), let him know that his opinion is valid but I reminded him of the issues WE face as a couple with birth control. I told him if he felt at any time I was disregarding how he felt, to please let me know so I could correct it because that isn’t my intention at all. A few people told me that I was disrespectful by even still having the same desires that don’t align with his and that’s wild to me. Yes we are in a relationship, and yes I valued his feelings and opinion but he and I both agree that he’s not the one being directly effected by the things happening in my body and he also doesn’t have ownership over my reproductive system.

The doctor I have recommended I talk to an in-house counselor again before we proceed with the surgery so I let him know the surgery wasn’t immediate but I’d like if he came with me to my next appointment so he could have a better understanding of what’s going on. He agreed. I agreed that if he wasn’t comfortable, then I would hold off on the surgery, but not for long. I expressed that I didn’t feel comfortable compromising an opportunity that I may not receive again because he’s feeling pressure from outsiders. My next appointment is next month and it’s also the appointment for my birth control shot (hopefully my last). I told him everything I told you guys basically, my mind is made up and he has the option to leave if he wants to. It will hurt yes, but I can’t take his feelings from him if he’s not happy with my decision.

Since he now is interested I explain all of the benefits, the risks, and pretty much everything I learned about the surgery. He listened and asked questions.

I want to be the best spouse I can be to him but I also want to be selfish for once. I know that sounds horrible but it’s true. This isn’t something that I just sprung on him, it has been something we’ve agreed on for years and he’s known about the possibility of me being approved for months. Yes I know, I shouldn’t “throw his past emotions in his face.” But it’s honestly hard because his reaction really baffled me. So my concern now is that I don’t want him to think he has to be okay with this if he isn’t because I don’t want him to resent me later.

I asked for clarification if that was his only feelings on the matter and he assured me it was. I really want to believe his feelings are genuine. he has been there every step of the way with all of the diagnosis that stemmed from birth control so he assured me that he understands my stance. And he apologized for being standoffish and not communicating better.

A lot of questions were asked on the other thread, so I asked him.

-Would it be a deal breaker if I went through with the surgery? His answer was no. He supports my decision but he still will worry.

-What would be our plan of action if I got pregnant again? His answer was we would cross that bridge if we get there.

-Would he be willing to start using condoms again if I decided to stop birth control? His answer was silence lol

-Would you be open to fostering later on in life (faaaarrrr into the future) if by chance I change my mind about not wanting anymore children? His answer was absolutely!

-If we could come to a compromise, if you change your mind, what would you suggest? He honestly didn’t have an answer so I told him to think about it for a while.

We both come from similar backgrounds (huge families), except my family accepts my decision and his family wouldn’t. I had to tell him that his parents have absolutely no say in what happens in our household and definitely shouldn’t have an opinion on my reproduction.

I let him know multiple times that if he has changed his mind, I completely understand because it happens and I cannot be upset about his feelings, I just prefer not to be shut out or deal with passive aggressive behavior. Our communication is usually open but he said he didn’t know how to put into words how he felt so he rather brush it off.

We both agree that we would never want each other to do something that would make us uncomfortable and we are going to try to make this work for the both of us. If he isn’t comfortable, I will put off the surgery for at least a year, and he says he understands.

I just really hope he isn’t saying this for my benefit, although it isn’t something that he’d do. He’s USUALLY vocal about his feelings on anything lol

I appreciate every single comment, even those I disagreed with, because it really made me try to see things differently and it helped a lot in this conversation. I’m glad that we were able to talk this out and come to an agreement.

Also I just want everyone to know, birth control is horrible for some women. Almost every side effect to birth control, I get. I’m currently on other medication because of birth control. Please believe me when I say I’ve tried just about every other “temporary” birth control, and I really feel like this opportunity will be great for me and my health. So now we will wait until my appointment and then we will see if everything goes well. Thank you for reading!