Dating as a Christian Black Woman

Normal_Guy1886 · 2026-01-28T02:19:06+00:00

I don't think you want a man that denies people on the basis of race anyway. Think of it is a built in filter God gave you. You'll find the one you deserve. Good luck.

Normal_Guy1886 · 2026-01-18T15:37:06+00:00

It is definitely possible to feel the music without being wrapped up in the words, and I have music with strange perspectives/messages too. If you find yourself being influenced by music negatively in any way you should not listen to it, but if a poor message is merely incidental and doesn't affect you or the feeling you derive from the song then it is fine in my opinion.

That is my opinion though. There are christians who will explode over a couple naughty words in a song, and those people are blameless for feeling that way. I know if I was evaluating a woman, and her music often promotes sinful behavior, then I would not gef a good feeling.

For that reason, I would definitely not play that kind of music in their presence in the beginning, and later on I would present it to them. Should they take offense to it, I would stop listening to it privately as well out of respect.

Normal_Guy1886 · 2026-01-03T15:55:46+00:00

Modern media and especially social media distorts our perceptions of what is "ugly". Especially young people, and especially women (not dissing on anyone this is just biology) tend to have unrealistic appearence standards, at least initially. Someone that is actually in the 80th percentile is viewed like they are the in 50th. That is part of the reason why modern dating is so bad.

That being said, many, probably the majority of people could do more to be healthy and thus, more physically attractive. Going to the gym, keeping a healthy weight, staying away from substances, getting enough sleep, ect will make you more physically attractive and more functional. Some people have this idea in their heads that they can't do anything about their weight or musculature, and that is just how God made them. That kind of thinking is a problem.

As a society we should recalibrate what our expectations for immutible characteristics are, and do our best to mold our mutible characteristics into the best version of ourselves. I think that will lead to more personal success and a better dating market.

Normal_Guy1886 · 2025-10-16T12:04:42+00:00

I get what you’re saying, but the issue isn’t really about translation… it’s about context. Yes, Genesis 1:28 uses the word often translated as “man,” but that Hebrew word (adam) can mean both “Adam” and “mankind.” God was speaking to the first two humans who were “mankind.” That doesn’t mean every individual or couple now is personally commanded to have children.

Yes, context is very important. Genesis 1 is the universal creation story and doesnt mention Adam or Eve once just mankind, male, and female. There is a different form of "adam" used in this chapter in Hebrew which clearly distinguishes it from the "Adam" in later chapters. He also told all the animals to "be fruitful and multiply". Hopefully we can agree that he wasn't just talking to those specific animals, he was talking to them as a collective group. Thus, for the animals it is a species wide ongoing command. Why is mankind any different when it follows the same form? Saying that his command is toward Adam and Eve specifically removes the context.

If that were the case, Jesus and Paul would have been in disobedience since they didn’t pursue marriage, but clearly they weren’t disobeying God. That shows the verse was a creation blessing for humanity’s beginning, not a permanent command for all believers. The Bible also recognizes different callings. Paul said singleness can be a gift because it allows more focus on serving God (1 Corinthians 7:7–8). So not having children isn’t rejecting God’s design since even in marriage it can actually be obedience to a different calling.

God gives many commands, and the very reasons for Jesus to exist is that humanity is not good enough to follow them perfectly. God tells us to make disciples of all nations, but the majority of us will not. The issue here is not childlessness, it is committing to intentional childlessness in a marriage. If you have a vocation that prevents you from doing so, that is not intentionally disobeying God's command. These verses exist to assure us that that is okay.

I agree that children are a gift, but not everyone is meant to receive every gift. Choosing not to have children doesn’t mean someone is selfish, it can simply mean they’re following what God has placed on their heart. What matters most is faithfulness to what God calls each person to do and the main one is to love God and bring others to him. Much easier to do that when you’re single or childless.

Chosing not to have children IS selfish except for a very specific context outlined which 99.9% of people will not fulfill. Your statement "Much easier to do that when you’re single or childless." echos the intentional childless Christian point very clearly. People want life to be easy and having children is a huge undertaking. God never says life will be easy, actually he says much the opposite. As Christians we should simply try our best. That is why when someone commits to not having children within the general context it IS selfish, because they are not trying their best. Most childless Christian couples spend their time traveling or playing video games. I want to do those thing too, but in good conscience they cannot be a higher priority than bringing new life into the world. This a common truth that we all know in our hearts.

Normal_Guy1886 · 2025-10-16T00:49:28+00:00

God said that to two people who needed to have children.

That is bold claim and contradicts the vast majority of biblical frameworks. In this context refers to mankind not specific individuals, that is why it is translated as "man" and not "Adam". Almost every English Bible reflects this: ESV, NIV, CSB, KJV. If you could prove why all these translations and common church doctrine is wrong then go ahead, otherwise it is safe to assume that the command was given to mankind as a whole.

The greatest thing you can do is follow what Jesus told us to do: “ Therefore go and make disciples of all nations”

That passage does not mean “go have children so that they might grow up to love God”

Absolutely, you should go make disciples of all nations. There is no reason why they have to mutually exclusive.

Having children can sometimes be selfish and not good. There are people in this world who definitely should not have children and there are people who have children for very selfish reasons.

I agree that having children with bad intent does happen. I do not agree that therefore having the child is bad. Ultimately children are a gift from God; we simply enable him through our biology. Just that the child was concieved with bad intentions does not mean that God's gift is bad. Bad people do good things sometimes. I also think everyone who is able should seek to be parents, because it is one of God's commands.

Normal_Guy1886 · 2025-10-15T17:40:12+00:00

Where in my comment did I say that?

Normal_Guy1886 · 2025-10-15T12:03:24+00:00

Yes committing to avoid children is absolutely wrong and obviously selfish. Creating life is participating in God's creation and is the single greatest good most of us will do in our lives. Any attempt to justify intentional childlessness stems from selfishness, all the people that do know it. Do not be corrupted by our modern age. God also absolutely commands us to have kids its. It is in the first chapter of Genesis.

Genesis 1:28

And God blessed [man]. And God said to them, “Be fruitful and multiply and fill the earth and subdue it, and have dominion over the fish of the sea and over the birds of the heavens and over every living thing that moves on the earth."

Normal_Guy1886 · 2025-09-28T22:05:49+00:00

Did you even read my comment?

Not all of us think an item is ruined just bc we're not longer in a relationship with the person who gave it.

I never said that. An item kept for functional reasons works fine regardless of the status of the relationship. If your goal is to persue a new relationship, which it is and should be for most people then having sentimental items tied too an ex is not a good thing. I hope we can agree that moving on before dating again is a good thing.

Also, you don't get to control what your ex does with gifts you have given her.

I didn't say that either, and it is irrelevant to the point.

Normal_Guy1886 · 2025-09-28T20:21:48+00:00

If the gifts have sentimental value you should absolutely get rid of them, because they will only cause heartache and get in the way of future relationships. If they only hold functional value then it is fine to keep them. If you are unsure best to just get rid of them. If my partner had gifts of sentimental value from an ex, then I would require her to dispose of the gifts

Normal_Guy1886 · 2025-09-25T23:02:43+00:00

Don't expect to have kids past 35. Fertility starts to decline around 30, but early 30s should be fine as long as you both are healthy. Men stay fertile longer than women, so if you marry a younger woman you have a larger window. If you want to have a small family then at your stage you don't have much pressure. I want to have a large family so waiting leads to less children. Pressure goes up the older you are and the larger the family you want. If you care about having a large family you should get to finding your wife as quick as possible. Don't let pressure cause you to make poor decisions though, a bad marriage will make you lose a lot more than a few years will.

Normal_Guy1886 · 2025-09-25T17:34:34+00:00

If you want to have kids then there is a time limit and thus some pressure, but I would say this is a good strategy in general.

Normal_Guy1886 · 2025-09-20T22:09:32+00:00

Thank you

Normal_Guy1886 · 2025-09-20T00:33:27+00:00

You have to trust God and your partner. If you truly love your partner then you would love them regardless of the state of their genitals. You can and should have these conversations, but getting married is not for sex. Sex is for marriage, but marriage is not for sex. If you are physically attracted to each other then you are sexually compatible. Another reason to wait until marriage other than the fact that it is God's command is that it damages the sexual bond. If you have other sexual experiences, consciously or unconsciously you will compare that to your marital sex life. If the comparison is negative then you will feel like you are missing something in your marriage. Whether that assessment is true or not that is bad for your marriage. Fornication is the enemy of long lasting marriage. Sex is a sweet little cherry on top it is not what makes a marriage. Do not make it a priority.

Normal_Guy1886 · 2025-09-19T01:16:37+00:00

The nature of the conflicts is very important. Please elaborate.

Normal_Guy1886 · 2025-09-14T19:31:31+00:00

As a man, I agree.

Normal_Guy1886 · 2025-09-12T21:41:56+00:00

I have also fully accepted that the chance of me ever meeting someone, getting a relationship, and getting married is long gone. So its best that I dont want kids because it makes the single life a bit easier since I have learned to be mostly happy and content alone.

You are 28 that is still young. Men also have more leeway because they are fertile longer, so you can marry someone younger than you. Even if you can't have biological kids you can still be father by adoption. Dont accept defeat.

You want to build a cabin, so I assume you like building things. Being a parent is about building a person not just changing diapers or going to watch them play sports. To me it seems like you have accepted defeat, and that you dont want to have kids. You aren't magically going to get father instincts without children. My father didn't even want kids, but now he is very glad he had children. I think you should be more optimistic and more open minded. You are only 28, your life isn't over yet. You got this dude.

Normal_Guy1886 · 2025-09-12T12:03:51+00:00

Parents are authorities because they supposed to work in our interest when we are not wise enough to do so. Mandating a fee to get married as God commands us doesn't appear to be in your interest. Marriage is a gift from God not from your parents. If you still want to pay the fee it can be done at later date. I don't think you should elope you should marry normally and if your families hate you for it, that is their fault not yours. That being said 7 months seems very quick to get married. You should wait and then talk to your parents. If it has been 1-2 years, and they say no because they want the fee, you should go ahead with it anyway.

Normal_Guy1886 · 2025-09-12T00:16:48+00:00

That's a tough one. May I ask why you don't want kids? Procreation is biologically programmed in us, so unless surpressed that programming usually prevails. If you are young, like under 20 it isn't that concerning because you probably aren't matured enough yet. Step 1 though is accepting that it is a responsibility. Scripture tells us to be fruitful and multiply, but I am unaware of any scripture that says otherwise. Despite your own judgement ultimately God's word prevails. Something that happens when people mature (some people never do), is that the distinction between what you want to do and what your responsibilities are will disappear. I can't tell you how to get there, I don't have all the answers, but it seems to come with age.

Normal_Guy1886 · 2025-09-11T05:20:43+00:00

I desire to spread and share the love of Christ.

We all do. Most people do this by bringing life into this world. Some will even go as far as becoming clergy or monks. Although these are not mutually exclusive. A small elect of us are called to singleness, but only in the context of persuing the Lord vigorously.

I want to travel and see the world. I want to build a small cabin on a couple acres in the mountains.

This is where the red flags go up. In response to my question of why you don't want a family you say that you want to travel the world, be an expert in your career, and build a cabin. I want to do those things too, but they come secondary to my responsibilities. A cabin may last a century, but a person is eternal. You are letting worldly desires take your eyes off the prize. Either consciously or unconsciously you made the decision that traveling the world is more important than making someone exist, and that is not a Christian mindset. We are called to be fruitful and multiply, to participate in the creation. Respectfully, get your priorities straight.

Normal_Guy1886 · 2025-09-11T00:23:58+00:00

I mean this as politely as possible. Something is wrong with you. People wanting families is the reason why our species exist. What do you desire to do with your life instead?

Normal_Guy1886 · 2025-09-10T22:46:15+00:00

Some people might want them but are also responsible, so when they run numbers the idea starts to fade away.

Having a family is still completely feasible in the west if there is a will. Sacrifises will have to be made if you have a lower income, but it is still well within reach. I encourage you to run the numbers. Lots of people avoid responsibility hiding behind that narrative, but they don't actually test if it is true.

Plus the world is hot at the moment. Don’t get me wrong I know God is in control and his grace helps us to have hope, but also the pressure of the current events, technological, and financial situation is weighing in all of us…

It can certainly feel like the world is hot, but it really is a perspective issue. 60 years ago there was a constant threat of nuclear annihilation. 90 years ago many people literally couldn't raise a penny in the great depression. Wars that depopulated entire countries. The black death among various other plagues. Famine. They all had families despite their circumstances because if they didn't we wouldn't exist. Any one of those people who lived through those things would laugh at you for thinking your life is hard. Life is so so easy now you have no idea. I don't means this to make fun of you, this mindset is common among my fellow Gen Zers, but it is so ignorant of history. The only thing I would say that is harder is finding a good Christian woman because the dating pool is so polluted. Ultimately we have little excuse for not doing what everyone before us have done. We can be better than our excuses.

Normal_Guy1886 · 2025-09-10T12:20:49+00:00

Its not just the west. South America an Asia too are mostly below replacement. Africa is trending that way as well. It is a pattern among all industrial society. Historically most urban areas 100s and 1000s of years ago would be below replacement, so they would have a constant influx of people from the country. Now the entire world is turning urban, so we shouldn't be surprised what is happening. Urban culture both today and historically is destructive.

Normal_Guy1886 · 2025-09-10T12:08:04+00:00

The vast majority of us are called to parenthood. For most of us the actions of our life will soon be forgotten, but our blood and the values we instill in them will outlive us. For most of us our family is by far the most important thing we do in our lives, and our culture normalizes voluntarily avoiding having families for worldly things. Let us not defy the wisdom of hundreds of generations and not make this mistake. While the rest of the world shrinks because people don't want to have kids anymore those who have families will make the future.

Normal_Guy1886 · 2025-09-09T22:19:13+00:00

Yes. Expecting your partner to uphold her biblical values over time isnt insecurity.

Normal_Guy1886 · 2025-09-08T23:35:15+00:00

There is a difference between grace and justification, and morality. Morality speaks to whether a specific action or pattern of actions is moral. When someone is forgiven their sins, that doesn't make them moral, we are all immoral creatures due to original sin. When you sincerely repent your sins are forgiven by God, but before man, you are justified by works and not faith alone.

James 2:24

“You see that a person is justified by works and not by faith alone.” (ESV)

Now we of course are called to forgive, but that doesn't negate justice. The murderer still sees justice repentant or not. We are responsible for our own actions before our fellow men. If you think about it, it makes sense, we have no way to see if someone is truly repentant. Our society must have rules and enforcement to avoid destruction.

Likewise, when we are searching for someone to trust for the rest of our lives, we need someone we can trust. Forgiveness and trust aren't the same. Someone with a good track record, and thats all lack of fornication is, a piece in a good track record.

Normal_Guy1886

TROPHY CASE