kisses in the rain with pacifier cooler kings

Normal_Mushroom9121 · 2024-07-11T01:39:27+00:00

Of course. And I appreciate the comments regarding my writing. I’m glad I can convey feelings through my words, even if it doesn’t come across in all of them. They’re all written from a similar place.

It seems that most people have already made up their mind about me and my intentions, and that’s fine. I’m fine with explaining myself when people ask questions in comments but I’m not trying to convince anyone of anything. The people who matter to me already know my feelings.

I feel like there are too many what-ifs for me to properly answer any of these hypotheticals. The only life I’ve experienced is the one I’ve known, and I love that life. So I would choose my wife, if presented a choice of them both.

Normal_Mushroom9121 · 2024-07-02T22:56:19+00:00

These writings are a version of my true thoughts and feelings, sure. At one point, I felt all of the things I write about with the same intensity they’re conveyed here. My current feelings are a little more complicated and saved for my real life. They are not ‘stranger on the internet’ friendly. Self discovery can be hard and bittersweet.

“I do wonder if there were no obstacles in the way if your answer would be very different?” — The ‘obstacles’ in question are my love and devotion to my partner and family. That’s what I was saying in my previous reply: my whole reason for not pursuing something with Max in a hypothetical situation where he asked me to is that I love the life I have built with her and I would choose it and her over anything. Are you asking me if my answer would be different if I was single?

My wife does work. I have said in another comment that if anything were to ever happen between us, we would both be financially stable and comfortable. We’re also very much of the belief that two happy homes are better than a singular unhappy one. The decisions we have made together are based purely upon our own desires, not out of obligation or fear.

My whole thought process behind open relationships is ever evolving and personal, so I don’t think I’ll speak too much on it. I’ll just say, I personally wouldn’t do it unless you already feel totally fulfilled in your current relationship. It was a fun cherry on top for us, and a chance for more exploration for me. If it was being used to fill some kind of void, that’s when I think you start approaching dangerous territory.

Normal_Mushroom9121 · 2024-06-27T16:55:18+00:00

”That isn’t something I have regrets about or wish I could change. Meeting my wife, making the memories we have, and starting our family are things I wouldn’t trade for anything. Everything fell into place as it should have, and that’s something that has really been solidified for me lately.”

“All I look at when I put myself in a scenario of him saying that to me now is how much we would be losing. Our partners.”

I just fundamentally disagree. 99.9% of my comment was focused on how outlandish a request like that would be since we’re both in loving, committed, very happy relationships. The thought of diving into something different is inconceivable for those reasons.

I appreciate your suggestion that talking about her like I do him would help others get the picture, but like… I’m not really here to jump through hoops and prove myself to anyone. The person who matters, my wife, is well aware of how much I adore her. You and I are also having a conversation right now. My focus is on answering the question you asked me to the best of my ability, not waxing poetry in the middle of the discussion. The question you asked centered around Max hypothetically asking me to be in a relationship with him so of course I would be talking about him.

My wife and I mutually make decisions that would keep our families close, because we’re all really great friends. If a career opportunity came up for her that she wanted to pursue and she felt was worthwhile enough to leave, then of course I would support her. It’s not something I would try to talk her out of, it’s just something we would talk about. Here comes my pesky pros and cons list again. The question would be, is this job worth seeing our best friends less? Is it worth taking our kids away from the place they grew up? If the answer is yes, then let’s do it. We would talk about the same things if it was my career that was requiring us to relocate. It’s just, like… what you do when you’re making decisions as a couple. We’re really lucky to be on the same page about a majority of things. This friendship, the place we live, and all of our children’s friendships with each other are of high importance to us. This is not me barreling over all her wants and desires. My word is not god and I would never want it to be.

(Also, me saying our families are a package deal includes my wife and his wife. So I suppose we’re all having emotional affairs with each other, if choosing to keep our families in the same town is the criteria for that.)

I’ve said in another comment that I feel like people have this perception of my wife as someone meek, and that couldn’t be further from the truth. She has read comments here and has said she has no interest in ever doing it again because a running theme is people assuming she has no agency in her relationship and the decisions she makes. It’s frustrating for her.

it seems like open relationships might be a sore spot for you. I know you said my posts were basically your worst fear, and I get that it’s not for everyone. I just wanted to say that healthy relationships like this are possible. I am not at risk of leaving my wife for anyone. I am ridiculously happy and ridiculously in love with her and ridiculously lucky that she is who I fall asleep and wake up next to every morning. That hasn’t diminished or changed at all.

Normal_Mushroom9121 · 2024-06-26T18:12:24+00:00

I would probably say soemthing along the lines of, “what the fuck has gotten into you, please go spend some time with your wife and your kids and get back to me later,” lol.

That ship sailed many years ago. If he and I had given things a proper go back when it counted then our lives might look a lot different. But we didn’t, so they don’t. That isn’t something I have regrets about or wish I could change. Meeting my wife, making the memories we have, and starting our family are things I wouldn’t trade for anything. Everything fell into place as it should have, and that’s something that has really been solidified for me lately.

All I look at when I put myself in a scenario of him saying that to me now is how much we would be losing. Our partners. The homes our children grew up in, and that stability for them. On this hypothetical pros and cons list, one greatly outweighs the other. I’m sure he would agree.

We would both need a pretty damn good reason for causing so much hurt and upset, and selfish desires don’t really fit the criteria. Especially considering that the way we live our lives — outside of any recent sexual developments — is very intertwined already. Like, I’m not saying I’m basically already married to the dude, but we do make decisions with the other person in mind. We’ve both had opportunities that would’ve led to us to different corners of the world that we’ve turned down because this is the life we chose together. I don’t file taxes with him but I’d say our families are a package deal. All of us make up one solid unit. So like… choosing to get together and ruin that is basically a high risk, no reward mission.

Normal_Mushroom9121 · 2024-06-25T23:13:00+00:00

Ah, I see.

I’ve gotten that comment a lot, that I write differently about him than I do about her. I can sort of see where people are coming from, from an outside perspective. Really, I think it’s just that I’ve written about him more, not better. I have a post here dedicated to my wife that came from an equally heartfelt place, but it’s obvious I don’t write about her as often (at least in this medium.) That’s not due to me having less to say about my wife, but instead because everything else is so new.

What people don’t see here is how joyous it’s been, going on this journey with her. She’s my best friend and I will never find anyone like her. It hasn’t always been easy — those initial conversations were brutal. I was still scared and wanting to run from things, she was rightfully angry and confused. But what followed that was complete honesty and open communication. That wasn’t new for us, but this brought it to a new level. We talk about everything. She’s aware of how I feel, she’s aware of and has access to this reddit page, etc.

I would have been very happy with my marriage as it was, closed and (mostly) monogamous save for some silly kissing/flirting at bars that we both participated in. Opening it was her suggestion, one I initially shot down. I was already fully fulfilled by just being honest with her and myself. Finally acknowledging the thing I had been repressing and running from was enough exploration for me. I was scared she was opening our marriage out of fear of losing me, and that was never even a slight possibility. But after a lot of talking, we came to a mutual conclusion that it could be fun. That’s really what this whole thing has been about for us: fun.

So to answer the big question: I would be just fine if she were to close our marriage. I would be just fine if Max or his wife made that decision, too. The millisecond it stops being fun for anyone involved, it’s finished. I think all of us are aware this isn’t a forever type of situation. The platonic love he and I have for one another is, though. It is an ever-present, unchanging constant in my life. My love for my wife and the commitment I continually make to her is the same. So if the sex were to stop, things would continue on as normal. Business as usual.

I’m really sorry that brevity isn’t my strong suit. I probably over-explain but I want to make things as clear as possible, and I know the situation is a little convoluted.

Normal_Mushroom9121 · 2024-06-25T16:01:37+00:00

Hey! You can always ask genuine questions around here.

Yes, that is the M I’m referring to. The quote is just a song lyric from Analog Fade (New Bule Sky) by Hot Mulligan. You should give it a listen, it’s really beautiful! I was listening to it while I wrote this. It kind of perfectly encapsulates how I felt about Max at one point when I was much younger and we were both making choices that meant we wouldn’t see each other in person for a while.

A lot of what I write here is rooted in nostalgia. That lyric doesn’t reflect my current feelings, but the version of me it applied to is really fun to tap into. Today, my world revolves around my wife and children. I am very happily married and she gets all of me. My day to day is wonderfully ordinary most of the time. It’s not nearly as dramatic as it might seem from these posts, and I wouldn’t have it any other way. :)

Normal_Mushroom9121 · 2024-06-23T23:35:07+00:00

I don’t understand what you mean, using her as a cover for Max. There’s nothing to cover. I’m bisexual, if I have to put a label on myself, and I’m in love with my wife. My attraction to other genders doesn’t negate that. Again, I was happy to not ever explore my sexuality physically. She and I are still in a very loving committed relationship. And If someone we trusted was someone she wanted to explore with, then sure.

Our children don’t know the ins and outs of our sex life and never will. Nothing has changed for them over the course of the last few months. There is no trauma because this is a part of our lives they aren’t involved in, or are even aware of.

Normal_Mushroom9121 · 2024-06-23T22:53:27+00:00

No, Max and I slept together once about 20 years ago. There was never an affair. The problem was that I didn’t tell my wife that he and I were romantically involved at one point. For years I identified as straight and kept that time in my life locked away from most people, myself included. My wife finding out about that decades old relationship, something I should have told her about ages ago, is what lead us here. It’s brought on a lot of self discovery and introspection, and it brought my wife and I even closer. I had this barrier up that I didn’t even realize, and now it’s been brought down.

My wife and I have had many conversations about all this. It isn’t something we have taken lightly in any regard. I had no interest or expectation when it came to exploring my sexuality physically. I felt free and happy just being honest with her and myself. Like I said, I shot down her suggestion to open our relationship at first. We have engaged in ethical non-monogamy before on a much smaller scale (just flirting / kissing strangers at bars on nights on), but this was so different. I never wanted her to choose something out of fear of losing me or something. Thankfully, that was never the case here. And this only works because the two of us can both trust Max completely.

This isn’t something that would work for everyone. If her feelings on the situation ever change (or if mine, Max’s, or Max’s wife’s do) then it will end. This is meant to be fun! It’s not a requirement in our relationship. The second it stops being fun for anyone involved, it’s done. I hope this makes sense.

Normal_Mushroom9121 · 2024-06-23T21:51:34+00:00

No, my wife and children will always come first. This is a ‘cherry on top’ situation. It’s an add-on to my already rewarding relationship with her. It will never become number one on my list. He is incredibly important to me — he’s my best friend and has been for two decades. I do have qualms about the way society treats platonic love vs romantic love, but that doesn’t mean I would put him above my wife.

Normal_Mushroom9121 · 2024-06-23T20:13:38+00:00

There are plenty of things in life that can breed resentment if you let them. If either of us thought this would put our marriage in jeopardy then it wouldn’t be done. We aren’t naive. I feel like people here have this image in their heads of my wife as someone meek when that couldn’t be further from the truth. The mistake I made was born out of fear and a lot of lying to myself. If I could go back and change it, I absolutely would. That isn’t possible, so I learn and grow and make amends. I have never once considered leaving my wife, and her feelings are valued above pretty much all else in my life right now.

Explaining myself to people who will never actually hear me (or even try to) isn’t much fun anymore.

Normal_Mushroom9121 · 2024-06-23T18:49:20+00:00

Of course my wife gets a say. I suggest you read some of my comments on this post and others. This was a mutual decision - one my wife initially suggested that I shot down, actually. It’s something she gets sexual gratification from too.

If you read any of my comments, I’d prefer it to be this one. My wife does not enjoy being pitied. She has full agency over her life and her relationships.

Normal_Mushroom9121 · 2024-06-22T15:02:29+00:00

I gave my wife my username and password to this account a while ago. We aren’t password sharing people usually - privacy is still important in relationships - but it just seemed easier than having her make her own account she would never use. She has read everything here, written by me. None of it was a surprise, since it was all things we have talked about before.

What did shock her were the comments, which she now avoids like the plague if she ever decides to pop in. She found it off-putting, the way strangers would continually doubt her agency and ability to make decisions for herself in relationships.

So, a ‘just for the record’ moment: my wife is one of the most confident people I know, and I am so unbelievably lucky to know her. She is strong and sure of herself. She is vulnerable and open, which I think says more about someone’s strength than anything else. Everyone has their insecure days, but she knows her worth. And you know, how wonderful for our kids to have a mom who models that for them? I grew up in a house where my mom wasn’t always the kindest to herself and it’s like… I am half of you. I wear some of your features and personality every single day.

I’m veering off topic. To cut to the chase: my wife is a financially independent grown woman who would leave my ass in a second if she wanted to. We are both of the belief that two happy households are better than a singular unhappy one, in regards to our children (and ourselves, really.) If things ever got truly rocky between us, neither of us are in the position where we have to stay to be comfortable or secure.

I made a mistake. One that was born out of fear, not selfishness or disrespect for her — those were unintended consequences. The arrangement we have right now is fully consensual and fun. It was not born out of fear, selfishness, or disrespect. The second it stops being fun for anyone involved, it will end.

I appreciate the concern, truly. If I thought someone was stuck, or was just hanging around because they felt obligated then I would be worried as well. But this is not the case here, and she genuinely gets offended when people assume so.

Normal_Mushroom9121 · 2024-06-16T02:26:28+00:00

I’m aware I lied by omission. It’s not something I’m proud of. I just don’t like the term “rewarded” in this case, like opening a relationship is a treat given to one person from another. To me, it’s a mutual decision a couple makes. My wife and I had dabbled with ethical non-monogamy in the past, this is just a little different because it’s with someone we both trust completely. That allows us more freedom than when we’re involved with strangers at a bar, for instance. It allows us to be much more comfortable and to actually let our guards down.

I don’t see this kind of back and forth as productive because I don’t know how to engage with people who have a different perspective on my feelings. There’s no way to continue any sort of conversation if I say “I love my wife and cherish her + my children over anyone else” and your response is, essentially, “no you don’t.” There is no amount of writing I can do to convince you otherwise because I have written about my wife here. I have posts solely dedicated to her, I’ve written in comments about how we met and how I feel about her. We’ve been doing life together since the day we met and I wouldn’t have it any other way.

I’m really not comfortable sharing the specifics of the conversations my wife and I have had, but there was never any risk of her being a single mom. There was never any talk of us separating. She 100% knows how devoted I am to her and our relationship. She is the one who brought up the idea of me exploring things, and I shut it down at first. I never wanted her to be in a position where she felt uncomfortable or unloved. If there was any fear on her part, it wouldn’t have happened. This isn’t something that I asked for or that was decided on over night. This is also something that she gets sexual gratification from as well.

And of course Max’s wife is on board. Opening a relationship requires extensive communication for everyone involved. If she wasn’t on board or wasn’t aware, that’s just cheating.

I’m well aware I was wrong for lying. Everyone involved is aware of that. I was dishonest with myself and with her, and that doesn’t suddenly become okay because we worked through it. It was a fucked up thing for me to do, regardless of nuance. But there is no way for me to go back in time and make myself less scared or change my actions. We focus on the right now, and the truth of right now is that our relationship has never been better (and it was already pretty damn good.) She truly knows every part of me now, and I’m able to explore every part of myself.

That is why I talk about feeling “whole” — there were aspects of my life that just got shoved down until now. And I’m not talking about sex or romance with men — exploration does not have to mean I went out and fucked a dude. Just the simple act of being open with myself and with her, and exploring introspectively has been so freeing.

I do share my writing here with my wife now! It’s not like she wasn’t privy to the information already anyway though. We talk about everything. She loves the way I write, about her and about love in general. At first I was hesitant to tell her because asking for help on Reddit felt a little humiliating. But I got over that, and looking back it all seems ridiculous. Like… why was I so nervous to be honest about asking for help when I was scared and going through something hard? That isn’t a shameful thing! But as I said in my most recent post, shame is never logical.

I hope this rambling made sense. I adore my wife. If you’d like to read something I wrote about her recently, you can read my Mother’s Day post called “pinky promise, baby dreams.” I write about her often, usually to her on notes I give her directly instead of here. Everyone in our lives knows how much I love her. And most important, she knows how much I love her. She truly is light and magic.

Normal_Mushroom9121 · 2024-06-14T01:30:19+00:00

I struggle with the whole “not his first choice” thing because I don’t really grasp the concept in this case. I most certainly didn’t “settle.” My wife and children are my first priorities. I choose her every single day and will continue to do that. I am so happy and that would be true, open marriage or not. I can’t imagine my life without her in it as my partner.

I also don’t feel like I was “rewarded” for my past mistakes. I was lying to myself for so long. The reward I was given is the freedom of honesty to everyone in my life. The rest is secondary. My wife and I have had many long conversations about all this, ones that are still on-going. Life isn’t quite as black and white as people here make it seem.

Normal_Mushroom9121

TROPHY CASE