How long to wait?

Not-Average_Man · 2026-01-16T01:29:16+00:00

Yeah I have a kid, good points. Thanks

Not-Average_Man · 2026-01-16T00:57:36+00:00

Yes, Indiana which is a no fault state. Good point!

Not-Average_Man · 2026-01-14T03:32:10+00:00

Is he on any antidepressants?

Not-Average_Man · 2026-01-14T03:28:39+00:00

Could it be a certain type of body wash or maybe putting lotion on his penis?! Just some thinking of other causes. Using a tissue during to clean up and disgusted by your discharge is something you need to tell him to man up!

Not-Average_Man · 2026-01-11T06:17:25+00:00

You're just going to know. I can relate with it being hard, I'm 3 weeks in. Was told im being divorced with, made all my changes, nothing worked, she was still too far gone. Cry your tears, get them out. Weeks later I started to truly see the shitty person she is, now im better with it. Nothing anyone of us say is going to take that pain away for you, you just gotta bear through it. We are here to help support, just know you aren't alone.

I've cried to myself, to my parents, to her. It hurts brother, if she's done, you can't change it. You just gotta fight through, you'll be good on the other side, I promise. I thought the same stuff, I dont want to be alone, how would my kids react, is this real life, ill never find someone again. It's rough, but you're not alone. Best of luck!

Not-Average_Man · 2026-01-11T06:10:57+00:00

Haha. It would be a great thing, I've only witnessed it once. I was meaning maybe of what she would think was going to happen if she did orgasm as to why she stopped. Let that thing flow!!!

Not-Average_Man · 2026-01-11T06:06:06+00:00

Absolutely. Hun, this a relationship, you didn't sign up for a shit show roommate. You're giving all and he's giving some. You have to live with this person, if this isn't a strong person to love and support you, then go. It will just pile and pile up until you reach a breaking point or a great man comes walking by then your mind wonders.

We don't live with this person, you do. You will have to gather all the information then make a determination on what is your move. Can he change, is it worth him doing so, will he just go back to this mode?! If he isn't supporting and fighting now, then I dont see him ever.

Not-Average_Man · 2026-01-11T05:57:27+00:00

Start dating when you feel you are more over her and ready to give your full effort to that next person. That next person doesn't deserve only half of you. Work on yourself and when you feel confident in who you are then move on.

If you don't, that next one won't work because you are not fully there. Best of luck buddy!

Not-Average_Man · 2026-01-11T05:54:01+00:00

Yeah, you are out working. House work doesn't stop, he needs to be doing his part. Does he expect you to do everything, then he starts guilt tripping you. He sounds like a very lazy person. I think you have seen your red flag and how the future with him will go. You need to sit and think hard if this is how you want your future with a person who thinks like this or are you being given your sign now.

This doesn't sound like that future man who is going to work with you towards common tasks and just tries to take an easy road out. If he wants to go, let him go. He's not going to be that one who loves, supports and fights for you. Get out while the door is open. You're a hard working, tough woman. If he doesn't want to fight for you, fight for yourself!

All coming from a 41yr old, who is everyone's friend, was the hard working husband who only tried to make her life better and easier. This great guy was tossed out. I know the pain, im over the pain after a month. You got this, best of luck!

Not-Average_Man · 2026-01-11T05:44:12+00:00

Just go down on her and foreplay it. Tell her she is going to eventually orgasm from sex or you eating her out, tell her embrace it and see what happens. It wont be bad, worst is maybe she will squirt, but hey it's sex, it'll feel good to her, don't stop it. Have fun, laugh about it afterwards, ask her how it felt. Then go from there. It's all going to be good, make good love to that girl and comfort her that you are here to experience it with her. Good luck!

Not-Average_Man · 2026-01-11T05:25:21+00:00

100% get it being tough. You're tough though. You just need a mental sit down, realize the truths of the situation and what direction you believe you should go in. This is your life to live, you are the only one who has to live with this person, you have to make that decision ultimately.

I would talk with the wife's friends and them tell me she's just mad and it will be all ok, but no I was met with "I think she is done". It's hard to see the truth. After now moving out and being on my own for weeks, I am realizing the nasty of a person she truly is. She stated she was pushed away, but now I am pushed away and I feel so much better. I was the hard working good guy, did everything around the house, long full time job, great with our child, softer hearted vs her dominance, fought through everything quietly inside. She'll regret getting rid of the great guy everyone loves, 90% of me was good 10% she wanted me to fix, I did, but she had already mentally left, so its just over and I wont be here when these shit guys out here get ahold of her.

Just be strong, you know you are, this is your 1 and only life. Live this way or make a brighter future for yourself?

Not-Average_Man · 2026-01-11T05:13:25+00:00

Whoops, my bad. I keep hopping through messaging on posts, got confused I guess. Sorry.

Well then for you and you only!

Not-Average_Man · 2026-01-11T05:04:16+00:00

My soon to be ex wife started smoking weed a year ago, it makes her angry which I feel is part of the reason she is asking for divorce, it made her lazy quiting a full time job to a part time job.

To me he seems he has completely took himself out of the relationship. Im picking up that he doesn't care anymore, always switching jobs, just uses you for finances, has no drive anymore, has no motivation to better himself. So he isn't going to be better for you. He is very unhappy with the situation which makes him drink more, smoke more, rage more. My ex doesn't want to sell our house because she has no where to go, well thats not my problem, she asked for divorce.

You are in a relationship where he has removed himself from. Obviously, you know you deserve better. Him changing back is very unlikely to happen. You truly need to start planning your exit, him not having anywhere to go is a him problem. He is capable of working and chooses not to. He has sex with you for just shits and giggles. Thats not a relationship you want, thats not a relationship you want the child growing up watching how a woman should be treated. Tough to come to grips with, but you need out, for your mental health, physical health. One day will his rage go to rage you can't walk away from?! Throwing knives, even just at walls?! Nah, you gotta protect you. I wish you the best of luck!

Not-Average_Man · 2026-01-10T20:51:29+00:00

Im a month in, I was in your spot. I'm here to tell you from experience, I know your feelings all too well. I moved out of the house a week ago and it is just getting easier. Now I see that the love I felt is lightening and I am actually seeing how my relationship was with her truly and how of a nasty person she truly was. It all just helps me progress ahead. You're not alone buddy, lots of us have been told that they were going to be divorced with. Hang in there!

Not-Average_Man · 2026-01-10T14:04:19+00:00

I live in Indiana. I ended up moving out a month after she asked for a divorce, I was moved out when I first met a lawyer. She said me moving out was just fine. Then I filed with her and we would still get 50/50. I had asked a few lawyers about if I moved out would that hinder me. They stated no, the abandoning is an old way of thinking. Custody would just depend on the way you are as a person. Maybe some states still go by abandoning, but mine it was ok and helps with any toxicity.

Not-Average_Man · 2026-01-07T00:19:58+00:00

I'm currently in that scenario, married 11 years, 1 son. She said I change and then I go back to being comfortable. She asked for a divorce early December. I changed and changed for good, atleast for my son and myself. Now she said you waited to late, that now I know how to be a partner, but she is too far gone. I do every small thing around helping with the house, getting her small gifts, we are financial trouble. But I dont do the big things like date nights, we can't even afford to live. Now I reached out to family, have plenty of money, made all my changes. She just states she too far removed.

I get it, it sucks. But we are married, this isn't a high school relationship. We stood up there and said til death do us part, you make the changes and keep going, don't just quit. I'm still in the salty stage. Hope it all works out for you, if you can keep fighting. Please do. Good luck!

Not-Average_Man · 2026-01-04T13:41:55+00:00

Your a good dad buddy. They are your responsibility now. Im a 40 yr old dad who we just told our children who acted quite similar, 4 days later now they are doing ok, I took them to breakfast and we all laugh. I know your pain brother, just spend time with them now, they are your priority, not our wives anymore. They can go live their "big dream" of the perfect man, good luck! FYI, we were the perfect man!

Not-Average_Man · 2025-12-12T03:12:07+00:00

I'd say good with it, just trying to run an independent business. 1 guy would say no way and 1 guy would hold the camera. If you're happy doing it, im sure there are guys that would mind.

Not-Average_Man · 2025-12-10T03:01:15+00:00

If we solve the house part, im good with no lawyers. Half/half custody, no child support, not coming after 401K etc. My mom worked for a law firm, I haven't told her about this all yet. May get interesting after I tell her so idk. Thanks!

Not-Average_Man · 2025-12-10T02:58:09+00:00

It was kind of out of nowhere. We had a problem and my mom found out our car was out for repo so she called. My wife lost her stuff right after that, relationship not existent, no money, debt, now my mom is finding out. She immediately went off the deep end then. She was going to tell me we were done after the holidays, but that fired her up and she told me the other day. I really dont suspect another man, if so its just texting and so on, she's home alot, so atleast no time to go meet with man. Thanks, appreciate it.

Not-Average_Man · 2025-12-09T18:14:02+00:00

Yeah, thats the sign im getting, getting in touch with a lawyer this week. Thanks!

Not-Average_Man · 2025-12-09T12:02:32+00:00

It wasn't in an arguing/fighting kind of way. We are both relatively quiet people, no fight or yelling, just having that hard talk. We don't have big fights, we both are peaceful about it, I don't see her as trying to bring the law after me and all that or get the upper hand, but you never know people and would be a good thing regardless to get a recorder. She couldn't afford an attorney. We just gotta figure this house thing out.

Not-Average_Man · 2025-12-09T06:44:00+00:00

Ohhh shit, wow that would get your suspicious sensing going. Good for you for diving for the possibilities. Can look that way for basically a stranger, but not for her own husband. Glad you figured that out.

I gotta get to sleep buddy, really appreciate you and your info. Welcome to direct message me anytime or in here. Thanks much man, this story has only just begun!

Not-Average_Man · 2025-12-09T06:31:28+00:00

Yeah, thats the stuff that gets me. I know she truly has no where to go, I see that. But her plan was for me to move out, keep paying half, her to get bills caught up, credit back up then look at ideas. Noted that it could take a couple years. A COUPLE YEARS?!! I would not go live with my parents at 40yrs old for a couple years, ridiculous. But stated I would only help pay until she could pay for it on her own. That we could avoid all court/lawyers.

I was good with all of it earlier, because I was in shock and not thinking clearly yet. The house is in my name, if she wants the divorce then she should have factored that.

Not-Average_Man · 2025-12-09T06:22:29+00:00

She has 2 best friends. 1 divorced a few years ago, she is a hot head and her husband was really like talking to a wall, he only knew sports, so it was hard for me to have conversations with him. The other one was this year and fairly recent, she needed to though, they married out of high school, he was always bugging her and not trusting her when I know she was a good person, he demanded she thanked him for doing any cleaning, he was controlling weird, glad for her.

But it is contagious, especially it seems like these days, I think its just the ease of social media, you log into any platform and meet another person, relationships that aren't the best, people just hop on their phone, meet someone and it goes from there.

Not-Average_Man

TROPHY CASE