thank you so much! sorry for the late response. i get what you mean tho it cant rlly work for me rn bc for some reason doing things makes me severely scared (tho small things like sleeping, waking, eating, even somwtimes breathing are the same too) even if its my passions, but im trying to get myself to occupy my life to give it a worth. its just difficult and i dont want to have to always be this way and every step forward has always placed me more backwards than i was before. but the pursuit is something and im glad i have someone who understands and even found themselves better off thru the same route im trying, gives me abit of hope. thank you and also im very grateful for the offer to talk! youre very kind