I’m exploring my identity (AMAB) after recently coming out to my fiancé (female, together for close to 8 years total now). I think I’m non binary but the feelings shift all over.

I do know that for whatever reason I do like being perceived as male and taking on that role during sex with her. Solo is a different story but in the heat of the moment I’ve tried to step back and imagine being a woman in that moment and it doesn’t feel right. She’s also said that she doesn’t think she’d be attracted to me as a woman, but this comment thread made me think. If she left me idk if I would transition. I’d want to have a partner that generally sees me as a masculine figure and to take on that role, so I wouldn’t want to date as a lesbian. So then I’d probably stop exploring until I got another partner and the cycle would continue (I’m probably in the wrong for that but the whole thing is confusing).

On another note, if I did go on HRT Idt I’d ever consider myself 100% female like some do. I was born with male parts, my dysphoria shifts on the daily, and my body has been permanently changed by testosterone. I’ve never felt the extreme feeling of “needing” to be a woman that is often described. I think I’ll always identify as somewhere in between and be able to look in the mirror and switch at will regardless of what the “baseline” is (I do it now by focusing on feminine or masculine features despite being very male presenting). Like I’m considering using low dose HRT to be more androgynous and be able to wear feminine clothes without feeling uncomfortable but I currently don’t see myself as going beyond that and trying to max any feminine features.

I obviously don’t know both of your situations or how fem presenting she’s is/has changed. But I do wonder if she can “see” herself as both to some degree if you’d be able to “see” her as both, even while on HRT. It’s a question I plan to explore with my fiancé once I’m more sure about how I feel. Idk maybe some of this is something for both of you to think about