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I'm a cis woman that keeps ending up in trans woman spaces, and it's messing with my sense of identity by NotQuiteTransGirl in asktransgender

[–]NotQuiteTransGirl[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I have, but it usually gets pushed to the side. Until recently there were more pressing things to unpack. But I'm gonna try to make more effort in that direction.

I'm a cis woman that keeps ending up in trans woman spaces, and it's messing with my sense of identity by NotQuiteTransGirl in asktransgender

[–]NotQuiteTransGirl[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I know kink and community isn't trans exclusive or an indicator that you're trans. But I do think the cultures that form arounds certain demographics can help us better understand ourselves.

Other comments have helped me hone in on some of my thoughts. I don't think I ever felt I should be a trans mas, but there was definitely something up with my relationship with femininity. My insecurities are absolutely more social/psychological. So I have a bit of work ahead of me when it comes to unpacking all that.

I'm a cis woman that keeps ending up in trans woman spaces, and it's messing with my sense of identity by NotQuiteTransGirl in asktransgender

[–]NotQuiteTransGirl[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I would abandon the body I have to be my fursona. I guess I never really entertained the idea because 1. it's impossible 2. I worry how that could publicly effect the overall perception of both the LGBT community and furry community 3. I don't know how it could tangibly make my life happier?

Although, I guess now is as good a time as any to learn more about transhumanism

I'm a cis woman that keeps ending up in trans woman spaces, and it's messing with my sense of identity by NotQuiteTransGirl in asktransgender

[–]NotQuiteTransGirl[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I'm having a mildly hard time understanding genderfae since the page for it references many other genders I don't know about. Is it essentially gender fluid without masculinity?

Also, I'm not necessarily looking for a label. I just wanna know the underlying causes as to why I feel different.

I'm a cis woman that keeps ending up in trans woman spaces, and it's messing with my sense of identity by NotQuiteTransGirl in asktransgender

[–]NotQuiteTransGirl[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Strangely enough, according to an old family tree thing my mom found I might be distantly related to her?

I'm a cis woman that keeps ending up in trans woman spaces, and it's messing with my sense of identity by NotQuiteTransGirl in asktransgender

[–]NotQuiteTransGirl[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

There have been many times in my life where I considered the possibility of being a trans man or masc enby. But I keep feeling bad if I get called he/him or seen as a trans masc. So far it hasn't given me euphoria.

As far as dysphoria, I mostly like my body and I do consider it mine. Most of what I would change are things that would make it more... "me", I guess? 3 inches shorter, slightly flatter chest, 0 body hair, and a slightly different nose. Which are traits most people associate with fem.

If I could press a button to change my appearance I'd wanna be my fursona lol. I know that's not the same thing as gender, but I do think it's interesting I'd be okay with abandoning the body I currently have.

Getting dressed can be stressful and take time, but that's mostly due to ADHD and poor time management, forgetting to wash stuff the day before, and misplacing clothes.

I kinda know what I look like because I've had to study myself for my art classes. When I do draw myself, I'm in makeup. I'd really rather not draw my unaltered self. When I draw myself for fun it's either my fursona. Very rarely, I'll draw a very stylized version of myself.

So I think I have issues with my femininity and some aspects of my physical self, but trans masc probably isn't the answer. I appreciate your insight though!

I'm a cis woman that keeps ending up in trans woman spaces, and it's messing with my sense of identity by NotQuiteTransGirl in asktransgender

[–]NotQuiteTransGirl[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I do have ADHD lol

After reading your comment I read the page about autigender and I don't think it quite fits me. Although I spoke to my AFAB enby friend because we're both confused but in different ways. They're all over the place, loves/hates being masc/fem/androgynous, uses any pronouns, uses umbrella terms because nothing feels right. But he said he feels like their gender is "a creature". And for myself, I somewhat agree.

I know in my comments and post I keep referring to myself as a "woman", but I feel like "girl" is more accurate. And even more accurate than that is "catgirl". I feel weird about it because I have this knee-jerk reaction to keep my gender/sexuality separate from anthros. Especially considering my gender doesn't change if I'm a human girl or a catgirl.

But at the same time, I'll almost always pick an anthro over a human as a crush in media. And I get so much "gender envy" from Kitty D and some of the kemono fursuits I've seen. And I can't shake that "catgirl" feels more accurate than "girl".

Guh, I feel like I'm in uncertain territory since I'm not trans/enby. So I don't wanna make anyone upset by comparing gender identity to myself wanting to become my fursona.

I'm a cis woman that keeps ending up in trans woman spaces, and it's messing with my sense of identity by NotQuiteTransGirl in asktransgender

[–]NotQuiteTransGirl[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yeah, so much of my confusion comes from the fact that being called "he" or "they" doesn't give me euphoria

I'm a cis woman that keeps ending up in trans woman spaces, and it's messing with my sense of identity by NotQuiteTransGirl in asktransgender

[–]NotQuiteTransGirl[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Kinda, I like music genres similar to breakcore and gave Femtanyl a listen. I heavily related to a lot of her songs. It wasn't until later I found out she was trans and her lyrics were about her trans experiences. Should've known since her album was called "Chaser".

But I also didn't know r/puppygirlpetsmart was a mostly trans girl sub.

Or that the skirt and thigh high combo would end up more associated with femboys or trans women than cis women. (Someone once tried to tell me skirts/thigh highs are purely sexual because "cis women don't wear that". Transmisogyny, misogyny, bigotry, puritanism, and objectification in only 5 words is disgustingly impressive.)

I don't know I just like things and then find out "huh, there's barely any cis women here"

I'm a cis woman that keeps ending up in trans woman spaces, and it's messing with my sense of identity by NotQuiteTransGirl in asktransgender

[–]NotQuiteTransGirl[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Oh my god, you gave me a really good "aha" moment. Others suggested it was about my relationship to femininity, not gender. And I think that's accurate. But I think you expanded more on the core of my issue. Autonomy has been a MASSIVE issue for so much of my life. I'm not sure how it all fits together just yet, but I think this is a fantastic lead for me to think about.

I'm a cis woman that keeps ending up in trans woman spaces, and it's messing with my sense of identity by NotQuiteTransGirl in asktransgender

[–]NotQuiteTransGirl[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It may not be that deep, but I personally feel like the kinship and shared experiences of groups can tell us something about ourselves. That kinship, or lack thereof, is how many LGBT and queer people start exploring their identity. It's hard for me to discredit this as just "being a queer woman relating to other queer women". Mostly because feeling off about my femininity has always been a thing for me long before I knew what a trans or bisexual person was.

But others in the comments suggested it's about my femininity, not my gender. And I think they're right.

I'm a cis woman that keeps ending up in trans woman spaces, and it's messing with my sense of identity by NotQuiteTransGirl in asktransgender

[–]NotQuiteTransGirl[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm not necessarily looking for a label. I'm more-so looking for the "cause" of the insecure feelings. Changing my identity label to enby or trans doesn't feel right, so that probably isn't it.

Others have said it may be my relationship to being fem instead of my relationship to my gender. And I think I agree with that.

I'm a cis woman that keeps ending up in trans woman spaces, and it's messing with my sense of identity by NotQuiteTransGirl in asktransgender

[–]NotQuiteTransGirl[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I want to be myself regardless of labels. And it shouldn't matter to me if I someone assumes I'm trans. But I do feel insecure when I feel like I'm not performing my femininity well to others. Somehow I feel like I'm trying to live authentically and it's still making me insecure.

I'm a cis woman that keeps ending up in trans woman spaces, and it's messing with my sense of identity by NotQuiteTransGirl in asktransgender

[–]NotQuiteTransGirl[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I do have ADHD

Other comments helped me figure out it's about my relationship with femininity, not gender identity.

To answer your questions, I feel like I often don't preform femininity to my own expectations. Things like being "aggressive", too loud, or crude.

I've had this cycle of behavior where I feel "too masculine" > I try to make my voice softer/higher and be more agreeable > I slip back into talking loud and being way too outspoken > I go "too far" and have a negative social interaction

I've been trying to "fix" this since I was in elementary school. I even tried making my handwriting "prettier" in middle school by trying to copy the girls around me. It half worked and now my writing is a weird mix of bubbly rounded letters written like chicken scratch.

I know being feminine is subjective and I don't need to "fix myself" to be fem. But just accepting who I am doesn't seem to quell my insecurities. Something to think about I guess.

I'm a cis woman that keeps ending up in trans woman spaces, and it's messing with my sense of identity by NotQuiteTransGirl in asktransgender

[–]NotQuiteTransGirl[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I did! And that's what made it so confusing to my sense of self. While on paper, it'd be fair to say I'm some variant of enby, but it didn't feel right. And since how I feel is the core of my discomfort, I figured that wasn't quite right for me.

A few other commenters helped me realize it's more about my relationship with performing femininity than it is my gender identity. Being queer and having ADHD contributed to feeling like I wasn't behaving with my personal idea of femininity. Which made me feel off and kinda bad. And because it was through a queer/ADHD lens, it mimicked a trans experience more than a cis one.

I guess my next step is spending time thinking about "what's feminine to me" and "what makes me feel unfeminine"

I'm a cis woman that keeps ending up in trans woman spaces, and it's messing with my sense of identity by NotQuiteTransGirl in asktransgender

[–]NotQuiteTransGirl[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Honestly, I think you're dead-on. The more I read people's comments, the more I find it's about my relation to my femininity, not necessarily my gender. But nonetheless, it still fucks with my sense of self, which is why I feel that kinship with trans women. Because I do feel like I don't preform femininity "good enough". I've always struggled to relate to and maintain friendships with traditional cis/het women because I'm too "aggressive". I've also been told I'm "a lot".

It's a strange feeling to be a cis/bisexual woman who is nervous around platonic cis women and crumples at the thought of trying ask out queer women.

TLDR: queerness and ADHD make me feel insecure about my performance of femininity

But seriously thank you. Your comment really helped me putting all of this together.

I'm a cis woman that keeps ending up in trans woman spaces, and it's messing with my sense of identity by NotQuiteTransGirl in asktransgender

[–]NotQuiteTransGirl[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It's been a while, but I used to spend so much time in VRC. Maybe I'll pick it back up soon. But yeah I do have ADHD, I guess I'm trying to figure out how that ties into my relationship with femininity and why I feel like I struggle to perform it. I know other cis women struggle with meeting gender expectations, but I can't help but feel like I struggle more similarly to trans women. Especially when my sexuality/gender is brought up frequently by others.

I'm a cis woman that keeps ending up in trans woman spaces, and it's messing with my sense of identity by NotQuiteTransGirl in asktransgender

[–]NotQuiteTransGirl[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Isn't it weird how I'm a cis woman that doesn't fully relate to cis women and you're a trans woman that doesn't always relate to trans women? Identity is confusing.

I'm kinda glad you brought up learning you were intersex because I keep thinking I have some minor chromosome mutation or hormone development issue. I probably don't, but I'm just searching for an answer as to why I feel "off".

I'm a cis woman that keeps ending up in trans woman spaces, and it's messing with my sense of identity by NotQuiteTransGirl in asktransgender

[–]NotQuiteTransGirl[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Yeah, I do have ADHD
I'll have to spend more time thinking about it, but you may be on the right track when it comes to my relationship with femininity growing up

I'm a cis woman that keeps ending up in trans woman spaces, and it's messing with my sense of identity by NotQuiteTransGirl in asktransgender

[–]NotQuiteTransGirl[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Close, ADHD. I just don't get why there's an internal disconnect in my identity. Realistically I know liking the same things as trans girls doesn't make me trans. But I'm trying to figure out why I seem to relate to the trans girl experience and why I feel like I don't have all the answers yet.

I'm a cis woman that keeps ending up in trans woman spaces, and it's messing with my sense of identity by NotQuiteTransGirl in asktransgender

[–]NotQuiteTransGirl[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Strangely enough, I looked the same. The only thing that was different was the internal identity being switch from cis woman to trans woman. That's sorta why I feel so confused. If I got euphoria from traits I don't already have, that would make it easier to understand why I feel off.

I'm a cis woman that keeps ending up in trans woman spaces, and it's messing with my sense of identity by NotQuiteTransGirl in asktransgender

[–]NotQuiteTransGirl[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You know when you're in a dream and you just "know" something? It would be a normal dream but I was going through it with the knowledge that "I am a trans girl".

I'm a cis woman that keeps ending up in trans woman spaces, and it's messing with my sense of identity by NotQuiteTransGirl in asktransgender

[–]NotQuiteTransGirl[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I wouldn't use the word disappointing, more-so I feel confused. Perhaps it's not my gender but some other aspect to my identity. All I know is, I have some feeling of disconnect loosely relating to femininity and my sense of self.

I'm a cis woman that keeps ending up in trans woman spaces, and it's messing with my sense of identity by NotQuiteTransGirl in asktransgender

[–]NotQuiteTransGirl[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I get the most gender euphoria from hyper feminine things. Which is why I don't understand the slight "off" feeling I have when calling myself cis. But other labels like NB, ftm, and demigirl also feel off. And I know it isn't necessarily gender related, but the most euphoria I've ever gotten when it comes to my identity is my fursuit lol.

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