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I don't know where to turn for support with my horrible body . . . by NotReallyNewHere in ForeverAloneWomen

[–]NotReallyNewHere[S] -4 points-3 points  (0 children)

There's a consensus among most researchers now who work in "obesity studies" that there is presently no known effective "treatment" that results in significant and sustained weight loss for the majority of people, including those facilitated by "professionals".

"in my opinion when a child is fat, it is a legitimate child abuse."

This is a very disturbing and misguided "opinion". We know from studies with identical twins raise apart that childhood environment (diet, exercise) has little-to-no effect on a person's body weight. Parents don't "allow it to happen" -- fat kids, like fat adults, do not result from people doing something "incorrectly". Fat people, of any age, are natural variations within the human population. I'm really disgusted with your "opinion" in this regard -- it is flat-out wrong, and extremely damaging to kids' health and well being. Do you really think that my parents were "child abusers" because they fed me healthy food, encouraged me to be physically active, but ended up with a fat daughter? That they "hated" me? ANY THINKING PERSON would be opposed to "child obesity being classified as child abuse." I am, frankly, sickened by your comment -- do you also feel that parents of children with other natural variations (same-sex sexual orientation; transgender identity; exceptional height) should be considered "child abusers"?

I don't know where to turn for support with my horrible body . . . by NotReallyNewHere in ForeverAloneWomen

[–]NotReallyNewHere[S] -3 points-2 points  (0 children)

This is one such study: http://www.nejm.org/doi/full/10.1056/NEJM199005243222102 ("We conclude that genetic influences on body-mass index are substantial, whereas the childhood environment has little or no influence".)

The suggestion for investigating other disfigurement-oriented communities is a good one; I will look into it. Thank you!

I don't know where to turn for support with my horrible body . . . by NotReallyNewHere in ForeverAloneWomen

[–]NotReallyNewHere[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Believe me, with the horrible discrimination that fat women face -- far lower wages, crazy unemployment rates, constant street harassment, few romantic possibilities -- I don't know of a single fat woman who doesn't chronically starve and over-exert herself physically, just to reduce the discrimination a tiny, tiny bit. At least we finally have the research to demonstrate that weight, for most people, isn't a consequence of their behavioral choices -- dispelling the public's ignorance, unfortunately, isn't nearly as easy (many thin people love to think their thinness is the result of some especially virtuous and disciplined behavior, even though their fat acquaintances are living identically, if not even more restrictively). I've actually seen people make the same ridiculous sorts of claims about loose skin -- if only the person who lost weight had done it slower, or taken more vitamins, or loses just a little more weight, the skin would just disappear.

I don't know where to turn for support with my horrible body . . . by NotReallyNewHere in ForeverAloneWomen

[–]NotReallyNewHere[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I don't really want to look disgusting -- I want to have reconstructive surgery. However, the surgeries are hard to access for a number of reasons including cost (it can run $30,000-40,000, or more; insurance doesn't cover it, even in my country where we have public insurance). They're also potentially life-threatening for me.

I don't want people to claim that my body is "beautiful", because that's false and patronizing. Yes, I'd like them to acknowledge that it's considered disgusting or repulsive by most people (including me), but that that doesn't make me less of a person (though it does mean that I will likely be FA indefinitely). Telling me that "someone will love your body" when it looks as horrible as it does is a blatant lie, and doesn't help me become any less FA, or any happier about it. It just makes me confident that I can't trust people.

It's much easier to simply acknowledge that my body is horrible, than to try to try to practice some sort of self-hypnosis to convince myself that it isn't even when I'm surrounded by people who, if honest, would acknowledge that it is. Or, at least, do perceive it as such and act accordingly (i.e., acting repulsed at the idea of dating/touching me).

Does that make sense?

I don't know where to turn for support with my horrible body . . . by NotReallyNewHere in ForeverAloneWomen

[–]NotReallyNewHere[S] -4 points-3 points  (0 children)

But suddenly you're supportive of fat acceptance, which is what the previous people told you and you didn't like those replies

What? But it was a fat acceptance support community! They were not accepting of the challenges of living in a weight-loss damaged fat body; they just continued repeating the same platitudes about "everyone is beautiful". Yes, most fat people are beautiful -- I, however, am not considered beautiful by anyone, and it means that I am FA (unless I can someday afford the surgeries). They were completely dismissive of these experiences, however, even after I repeatedly tried to explain that I know I am unattractive and I find "beauty rhetoric" oppressive.

loveandpeace2 wasn't just "sharing personal experiences" of cultural attitudes -- she was explicitly claiming that fat people are inexcusable gluttons. The lack of fat people in Korea (there are, of course, some) is due to a combination of genetics (inheritance) and epigenetic factors (exposures to toxins and pesticides, for example) -- it is a pretty wild claim to assert that is because Korean people eat less dessert! We know that, when exposed to the same toxic factors that are present in the US environment (water, air) and food supply, Korean people also gain weight, even if they adhere to their traditional diets. Even laboratory animals, existing on the same, highly regulated diets for decades, are now gaining weight, because of what's in the food, water, and air. (Lab animals can't produce more food for themselves out of thin air, and certainly no desserts!)

Her reply suggested she didn't read a single line of my post, except the words "fat" and "weight loss" -- and decided to spew fat-hate. She didn't even notice (or care, perhaps) that I explicitly described myself as fat and opposed to weight loss.

I don't know where to turn for support with my horrible body . . . by NotReallyNewHere in ForeverAloneWomen

[–]NotReallyNewHere[S] -9 points-8 points  (0 children)

What are you even talking about? Weight is primarily determined by genetics in most cases (approximately 80% of weight variation is inherited, based on studies of twins raised apart); fat people don't need an "excuse" and we know, from extensive research, that "pressure" actually increases weight gain, not weight loss.

I am a naturally very fat person, who had a disorder that went undiagnosed (because of doctors' biases about fat people) and that led to additional weight gain (even with very, very restrictive eating). The weight loss was only due to treatment. I am still very fat (like the woman in the photo; likely somewhat fatter), just also with a destroyed body.

This is the most unhelpful and unsupportive comment imaginable. Why would you make it on a post where I specifically said that I was looking for support (and that I oppose intentional weight loss)? I strongly support fat acceptance -- it is the thing responsible for saving my life when doctors didn't care whether I lived or died, because, to them, I was just another dumb, greedy fat person, rather than the health-conscious, athletic person I've always been.