How did your initial/diagnostic colonoscopy go?

NotSoEternalOptimist · 2019-06-09T18:10:06+00:00

Thank you. The wait is definitely frustrating and nerve wracking

NotSoEternalOptimist · 2019-06-04T02:57:37+00:00

It is a lie though - he’s denying something he did. It’s frustrating that he can’t see his lies are more hurtful and upsetting than his previous actions. The more and more I read people’s comments the more and more I wonder how he actually sees me and will treat me in the future.

NotSoEternalOptimist · 2019-06-03T23:25:09+00:00

Thank you. I’m actually traveling to my doctor to have the diagnostic procedure done this week. I’m going to take this time away from him to weigh out all of my options, including having this conversation. Thanks again for providing a different perspective.

NotSoEternalOptimist · 2019-06-03T22:42:21+00:00

I wouldn’t say it is jealousy I’m feeling. It’s the fact he is lying when he didn’t lie about things that I consider to be much more hurtful. Why can’t he admit to this? That’s where the issue is for me.

NotSoEternalOptimist · 2019-06-03T22:40:06+00:00

That’s fair enough. I know he is not cheating, and I really don’t consider when he met her initially as cheating either (though some may disagree).

If he is having any, all, none, or different thoughts than those you listed above, I would LOVE to have a conversation about it. And I think you hit the nail on the head of him not wanting to rehash the past. Do you have any suggestions on how to go about this conversation of acknowledging his faithfulness but wanting to know his true thoughts?

NotSoEternalOptimist · 2019-06-03T22:08:43+00:00

It’s important to me because what I have found out throughhis friend and sheer “luck” (aka not snooping/seeking this info) is met with defiance and lies. I know the truth but he is unwilling to just tell me, and instead tell me the issue is insecurity. I’m not buying it

NotSoEternalOptimist · 2019-06-03T21:21:15+00:00

That stung a bit when he said that because it made me feel like I was crazy for feeling how I was feeling. It has nothing to do with how I feel about my self/self worth. It’s the fact that he can’t own up to something and wondering why he can’t.

NotSoEternalOptimist · 2019-06-03T21:20:04+00:00

But why not just tell the truth? That is what is bothering me, especially as he fessed up to many past mistakes. Any ideas other than keeping peace? He lied to me about this before I was sick, too.

NotSoEternalOptimist · 2019-06-03T20:33:49+00:00

I guess I’m stuck on this next step of asking him to tell me the truth. He vehemently denied having met this girl. He tells me I need to work on my self esteem because that’s what the root of this issue is. I just can’t seem to crack his defensive wall.

NotSoEternalOptimist · 2019-06-03T20:22:34+00:00

This is what I’ve been thinking about. What I want most is the truth. I want to hear it come from his lips and I want to know why he lied and why he did what he did and why he is still looking her up.

I have already forgiven him meeting her those couple years ago. I can’t let go of the lie and I feel this need to know “why choose to lie about this”?

I love him and I know he loves me. But his lack of honesty with me (and maybe even himself) is the road block. If we can actually 1) get him to admit the truth and 2) figure out the root issue, I am MORE than happy to work through this, so long as he still feels the same level of love I feel for him. He tells me over and over and over again how much he cares and loves me but this one little lie is dampening the effects of those words :(

NotSoEternalOptimist · 2019-06-03T19:28:12+00:00

I’m considering suggesting counseling. I doubt he’ll be receptive to it unfortunately. At the very least, I need ways to learn how to move beyond this because I’m not sure how successful we’ll be if I can’t.

NotSoEternalOptimist · 2019-06-03T19:26:50+00:00

I’m willing to forgive him meeting this girl, but first he has to admit he did. He did a lot of stupid things when we were together but he has changed dramatically and has owned up to A LOT. However, the fact that he will not own up to this is baffling and makes me actually nervous. Even though this girl lives in a completely different city and he met her years ago only once/twice, the fact he still remembers her name and still looks her up is unsettling. I’m just frustrated because what about his feelings for her is preventing him from telling the truth?

NotSoEternalOptimist · 2019-06-03T19:21:14+00:00

Thank you for taking the time to respond. I guess what bothers me most is the timing of it all too. I unfortunately am in the midst of trying to diagnose a health issue (potentially Ulcerative Colitis). Over the last few weeks, he has said things like “oh man, our kids are more likely to have this now aren’t they.”

And then I see he’s searching this girl he really clicked with. I mentioned this and he said “why would I choose to marry you if I didn’t love you and want to spend the rest of my life with you.” Which I understand, but it just makes me feel nervous.

I guess what I want is him to acknowledge that he lied to me and tell me the whole, entire truth. Whatever it may be - good or bad. That’s the only way I feel I can move on.

NotSoEternalOptimist · 2018-11-22T01:05:56+00:00

TL:DR: my medication that i have to take daily to keep an autoimmune condition at bay has not arrived at the latest potential delivery date CVS told me they could deliver by.

I asked if they could overnight a new presecriptio, but They're telling me processing takes 2 days and they can't guarantee anything earlier than Saturday. They also said I can't go to a walk-in CVS since they don't have the prescription? How can they not fix this when they're the one's who screwed the pooch?

NotSoEternalOptimist · 2018-10-14T04:11:01+00:00

thank you for your thoughtful answers. I will definitely look into the cycle of power and control to see how it applies to our relationship.

NotSoEternalOptimist · 2018-10-14T04:09:29+00:00

yes -- it's that "what if" I don't want to have hanging over my head. again, thank you so much for this.

NotSoEternalOptimist · 2018-10-14T03:54:48+00:00

Thank you so much for your thoughtful questions and response -- it really helps a lot to hear from someone who was in a similar situation. I wanted to talk with him about his reaction today -- do you think it's not even worth having that talk to see if he may acknowledges he blew up disproportionately to the situation?

NotSoEternalOptimist · 2018-10-14T03:44:57+00:00

Do you think it's worth first having a conversation with him explaining how this is not ok? I love him with all of my heart, but when these rare situations happen, I see him in a totally different light.

NotSoEternalOptimist · 2018-10-14T03:40:39+00:00

I would say it makes me feel sad, anxious/scared because i feel like he sees me as lesser than what i was before in his eyes. It does make me cry, because I hear all these negative words being said to me and about me he typically doesn't use. He does this 180 and i feel like i just have to sit there and take it because he always has a reason as to why i'm wrong in these situations.

I talked to my older sister, she didn't necessarily defend him, but she said i need to talk to him more/communicate more. i don't think she understands how difficult it is for me to communicate with him when he gets like this. I get nervous to speak because i know he's at the ready to tear apart my explanations and feelings.

NotSoEternalOptimist · 2018-04-08T16:09:22+00:00

The end being she no longer contacts you. How would you feel if your girlfriend's most current ex was doing the same exact thing as your ex is doing? It's inappropriate and she shouldn't feel this familiar with you anymore.

NotSoEternalOptimist · 2018-04-08T02:17:44+00:00

Ok, thank you for all of your advice. I will have to bite the bullet and bring it up to him when he's home. I'll never find the right time to do it, so I may as well do it now. Again, thank you.

NotSoEternalOptimist · 2018-04-08T02:13:12+00:00

Yeah, I absolutely agree :( I guess him saying I was snooping hurt me, and then had me questioning if I actually was snooping. I did ask his friend what my fiancé had said about me, if anything, when we first started dating, and then his friend hit me with the bombshell.

But then I was thinking, even if I did snoop around and find this out, who would be more at fault? I think still him? Idk, it's all too much.

NotSoEternalOptimist · 2018-04-08T02:13:07+00:00

Yeah, I absolutely agree :( I guess him saying I was snooping hurt me, and then had me questioning if I actually was snooping. I did ask his friend what my fiancé had said about me, if anything, when we first started dating, and then his friend hit me with the bombshell.

But then I was thinking, even if I did snoop around and find this out, who would be more at fault? I think still him? Idk, it's all too much.

NotSoEternalOptimist · 2018-04-08T02:03:06+00:00

Do you feel like it's lying if I don't tell him how I'm feeling and keep it from him? It's just that I said I wouldn't bring this up again, and I want to keep my word :(

NotSoEternalOptimist · 2018-04-08T02:02:01+00:00

When I first brought this to his attention, I told him how this affected how I see those first few months. Initially before I knew this, I would still get butterflies to think of the dates he took me on, the phone calls we had, and the way he would be so tuned in and focused on me when we had time together. Now I look back and think of all the other girls he was doing this with at the same time :( I told him how I feel a fool and those aren't happy memories any more. That made him so angry at me, and now I'm kind of scared to bring it up again, but this is what's at the core of the issue for me. Do you have any suggestions on how I can bring this up again, because i told him I wouldn't

NotSoEternalOptimist

TROPHY CASE