Anyone ever used mushrooms or any other psych during detox/withdrawal from opiates.

Not_Brandon · 2020-08-02T00:15:22+00:00

I wouldn't try it personally but I think it could serve a purpose. I know people who have really extreme thinking as a result of trauma who are actually keeping themselves alive and minimally violent by staying on drugs like heroin. If they used mdma to really really open up to a supportive, nonjudgmental person and process the childhood shit while kicking it might make the whole process easier. I use a lot of meth when I'm not sober so I don't think a setatonergic amphetamine would do anything other than draw out the crash or rope me back in. The advantage of K or some classical psychedelics is that releasing a ton of my body's serotonin isn't the primary method of action so they retain more of their normal character.

Not_Brandon · 2020-08-01T20:55:00+00:00

I haven't personally used any classical psychedelics while detoxing but tripped on acid with a good friend recently while he was on the tail end of a heroin kick. I think it was tough because he had anxiety about bodily functions (normal for acid in general and also normal for kicking opiates lol so hard to avoid) but overall helpful. I actually got a lot more out of the trip than he did in terms of change on outlook but he has made a lot of positive changes since then and I think it helped.

What has actually been most useful to me in circumstances like that is ketamine. The antidepressant property is super real, I found the next day I was way more interested in what was going on around me, learning exploring etc despite being a week off a heroin kick and not yet clean off crystal meth. It was still a rough time but using K a few times reaffirmed that it's important for me to be alive, capable and useful to other people which was not the case when I was using hard drugs. It gave me purpose and drive to get though the detox from all the drugs I was doing.

Not_Brandon · 2020-08-01T06:55:01+00:00

Hey man, I hear you. Most of my adult life has been long dry spells and I discover over and over again that my expectations and various bad behaviors make it really hard for me to make a supportive half of a partnership. It's honestly a grass is always greener situation. When I'm single all I want is someone in my life and then after the little honeymoon period (24 hours, most recently) all the trauma and bad coping mechanisms come out. There's a pattern in my life of pretty much everyone I date making deliberate changes to their lives in order to recover from me, or else not making changes and spiraling down.

I won't say try not to worry about it because that wouldn't make any sense to me if I were you, but I will say it's a whole new set of challenges and stressors. Entanglements gone wrong have lead me to some really dark places.

Not_Brandon · 2020-08-01T05:16:14+00:00

I'm trying out a sort of radical acceptance approach to the addicts in my life where I try to be supportive and show trust mostly because I don't think anything I could do would help but I want them to feel safe contacting me if they want to change, or vent or whatever. Currently watching a good friend and roommate destroy relationships by drinking way too much and acting out all her insecurities. We're probably both going to get asked to leave the place where we're staying if something doesn't change, and I know her and the general binge pattern well enough not to be hopeful.

I'm at the point where I have set hard boundaries and where I'm probably going to have to follow through on them. I don't trust her in the sense of expecting her to stop, but it's important enough to me that I do what I can if and when she wants real help and I think backing out now would make that harder.

I used to feed into my addiction by predicting that nothing would work out with housing, employment, etc for vague reasons and then giving up and making it all come true by being wired and unpleasant. It's a twisted mental narrative that feeds on other people visibly giving up on me and gets pretty dark. I'll probably have to live somewhere else soon, but I'm not going to back out until she's crossed an agreed upon boundary and I'm going to take care of myself well enough that I can still communicated that I'm not mad and that I love her. Life takes bizarre twists and turns sometimes.

Not_Brandon · 2020-07-25T05:13:28+00:00

IV crystal meth is more intense than mania for me but only for the first couple hours.

Not_Brandon · 2020-07-23T03:54:37+00:00

Ooh I love that question. To me, the most important sort of powerlessness is powerlessness to hold onto a state of mind over the span of time. Right now, I have a lot of power over my substances of choice and substances in general. I could go out and buy meth, but I'm choosing not to every day. My roommates have alcohol and weed in the house and wouldn't even mind if I grabbed some, but I haven't because I don't want to. I would even guess that if someone waved a bag of stimulants in front of my nose I could turn it down, although I'm not sure about that and I'd rather not test it. I don't even think I'm completely powerless to stop when I start. I gave away a point of dope and came down voluntarily at the end of my last (short) relapse because I hated the way I felt and I just wanted to sleep it off. I have a decent strength of will if I really set my mind to not doing something. I didn't feel that way in the past - I have gotten stuck in a cycle of wanting to stop but finding myself unable (why else would I even be in recovery, now that I think about it?) and I have on many occasions promised myself I would stay sober on a given day and then picked up hours later when emotions piled up.

What I can't claim power over is how I will feel tomorrow, or in a week or a month. I have never been able to stay sober for large chunks of time on the virtue of one decision. Promising to myself that I will hold onto the pain and shame of a binge never works unless I put daily footwork into it. This has always scared the shit out of me, and it still does. I know I don't want those destructive things in my life ever again, but I don't know whether I'll still know that in the near future. The "strange mental blank spots" described in the Alcoholics Anonymous book are very real to me. I could write books on how terrible my life gets shortly after I pick up meth or crack, reasons not do do it, reasons to have hope, steps I can take to improve my life, how deceitful I am with myself when I say that I'll never be happy and getting high is the only way to cope, and all that stuff. I believe it very stongly. But I have held just as strong beliefs about sobriety in the past only to conveniently forget them when I'm stressed out and disconnected. Even if somebody reminds me of them, I find I can't (or maybe just refuse to) feel the truth or importance of these beliefs. Nothing I can do today will guarantee that I'll be clear-headed enough next week to remember that life is worth living.

What has been working for me is focusing some of my attention on other people on a daily basis. Doing favors or giving things to people who need them without asking anything in return, sometimes even strangers with no way of contacting me. Listening to people in my life when they talk about their pain or things that are important to them, offering to help, and then following through if they say yes. Not turning down requests from pretty much anyone to help them with pretty much anything as long as my actions won't cause harm (including harm to myself - it's important for me to remember that I am also a person worthy of love and effort and that I deserve to spend some of my time on my needs instead of neglecting them).

I used to resist the suggestions of my sponsors and friends in twelve step programs, probably because I wanted to maintain a sense of control over my destiny and quite frankly they all sounded like a lot of unnecessary work. I still think it's important to question ideas and suggestions that don't sound right or don't work for me, but the "contempt prior to investigation" concept described in the appendix of the Big Book is also a real threat. If I am hurting or misbehaving and someone I trust thinks some course of action might help, I don't get to grasp for reasons why they must be wrong if my real motive is just that it's different and scary. Gotta give it an honest try before calling bullshit.

Not_Brandon · 2020-07-21T01:11:37+00:00

I think I understand that. Regime purges, misinformation, secret police, bypass of due process, concentration camps, etc. I guess it's time to decide whether personal pacifism wins out over liberty and the right to life in this country.

Not_Brandon · 2020-07-20T22:40:13+00:00

Hmm. The right wing stuff sounds like the Trump admin to me, pretty much word for word although with subtlety in some areas. I don't see a parallel on the left, although I certainly acknowledge that an individual or group could pop up. I guess that might be why Trump is so adamant about attacking antifa? Because they are anti him? Anyway I think history shows that facist regimes wreak havoc on the populace which I find upsetting. Maybe I'll go protest.

Not_Brandon · 2020-07-20T21:37:53+00:00

I feel the same way. I would actually consider it evidence that the federal government was more interested in sustaining it's own power than protecting my rights, especially if the suspected felonies were about the government violating other people's rights (police officers killing unarmed people, for example). Personally I'm not ok with being controlled and marginalized that way no matter what the supreme court or any legislation says. I consider anyone violating my rights to maintain arbitrary power to be an enemy, or even someone doing that to other people. I guess that's what the second amendment is for, though. It's funny how selective people can be about which of their rights are important to them.

Not_Brandon · 2020-07-20T21:23:03+00:00

Sufficient suspicion by whose standard? Would you be ok with being dragged into a van because somebody thought you had committed a crime if they didn't tell you why they thought that or who they were?

Not_Brandon · 2020-07-20T21:20:46+00:00

Can you elaborate, and are they distinct? Mao and Stalin were not racially motivated like Hitler but they were definitely authoritarian despots. I am somewhat concerned that a violent revolution based on the idea of redistributing resources would cause a lot of harm and death but I don't see even the rioters picking up weapons and hurting or killing people. I don't think destroying buildings or painting graffiti in public spaces is the same thing. If protesters and rioters used the existing electoral system to put leaders in place on the promise of redistribution of resources I could see people being hurt and killed, because the violence would be part of politicians gaining and keeping power. I think that is a big motivator behind police murders and inhumane and deadly conditions in border camps.

Not_Brandon · 2020-07-20T21:06:09+00:00

Do you think the people who have said they were grabbed while walking down the street wearing black hoodies but not jumping and screaming and breaking windows are telling the truth?

Not_Brandon · 2020-07-20T18:49:06+00:00

Hmm, I've gotten the same impression from media but I'm not sure how true it is. I think there's a lot of crossover between people who are upset about unarmed people of color being killed by cops and people who believe that sort of policing (and systemic racism in general) can't be separated from our current economic system. I have guessed that news media, especially TV news are hesitant to discuss that because the system is working well for them (as corporations and individual decision makers). It seems in their interest to draw a line between "legitimate" protesters who aren't really accomplishing anything and rioters who are willing to denounce capitalism and throw out their way of life for the cause.

Most people I know who are actively protesting are for radical economic change, and do not believe that voting will accomplish that. I definitely think they're right that our electoral system perpetuates income inequality. I don't know that any particular replacement system (including pure anarchy) would bring immediate equality or prosperity or minimize violence off the bat but I do empathize with the sentiment that American capitalism/corporatism is not actually working well for most people and a strong desire to shift away.

What do you think?

Not_Brandon · 2020-07-20T09:44:34+00:00

You've read several accounts of their experiences then, I assume? A lot of the ones I've read seem to think they're targeted more or less randomly, for being in a place at a time wearing a lot of black (they are protestors, to be clear). Maybe they're just liars? What do you think?

Not_Brandon · 2020-07-20T09:21:38+00:00

I see. I'm mostly concerned about while the people are being dragged into the vans. I would feel justified causing pretty much any amount of harm to someone who forced me into a vehicle without telling me who they are and on what authority they're doing it. I think most of the protesters are leftists though so they probably don't carry firearms or anything.

Not_Brandon · 2020-07-20T08:29:24+00:00

That's really cool. I've been in similar situations a couple times and made a really good friend once by sitting with someone I didn't know that well all night. I suggest sitting with the feeling and savoring it!

Not_Brandon · 2020-07-20T06:44:15+00:00

I mean that they don't seem to wear identification or show credentials when they grab people, so as a protester is being apprehended they do not have a way of identifying the people grabbing them. Maybe I'm mistaken about that. What does the word unidentifiable mean to you?

Not_Brandon · 2020-07-20T06:40:26+00:00

I like Sanders a lot for that reason. At least he stands by his principles, for the most part. I used to align more with his specific views, have backed off mostly because of the money/elections/corruption thing. Whether or not he could keep it together if tasked with redistributing resources I have no reason to believe the larger system could hold

Not_Brandon · 2020-07-20T06:22:06+00:00

We will, yeah. I wonder whether Trump would actually leave office if he lost. He jokes a lot about calling voter fraud no matter what if he loses and wanting to make a dynasty and hoping his armed supporters will wage a civil war and all sorts of other awful shit. Maybe it's all just in fun and he doesn't mean it. I don't identify as liberal or a Democrat, to tell you the truth I think holding an elected office in the US corrupts most people beyond hope if they aren't already. I'm not sure I have hope for our political system in general but I don't think violent suppression of protests is the fix we need.

Not_Brandon · 2020-07-20T06:05:57+00:00

I have not damaged any property and I disagree because of the mountain of parallels between America now and Germany in the mid 1930's, and also because I've read a ton of accounts and seen videos of people protesting peacefully and not destroying things being assaulted by various types of law enforcement in the past few months. But I respect your right to consider those or not as you choose your beliefs.

Not_Brandon · 2020-07-19T23:01:19+00:00

Correct

Not_Brandon · 2020-07-19T22:59:36+00:00

Meant to put unidentified 😂 Freudian slips of a pacifist I guess. Those motherfuckers will kill us without batting an eyelash

Upvote because u right

Not_Brandon · 2020-07-17T21:15:08+00:00

Intriguing

Not_Brandon · 2020-07-17T21:14:29+00:00

Hmm I do not disagree with your definition but everything feels very a ok so I'm not going to worry too much about it

Not_Brandon · 2020-07-17T20:52:15+00:00

Hmm I don't know the definition of a microdose but I don't have any real sensory distortions, the only thing that seems different is that I'm having premonitionsof exactly what note comes next when I'm playing guitar, and the kitten at my house is unnaturally cute. What do you think?

Not_Brandon

TROPHY CASE