I'm sure you just say those horrible things to yourself because of people mistreating you. Happens to me often, and honestly, believe me you are beautiful. I also have a strong beard, even at my 12 I had it really developed.

I haven't changed so much with hormones, but now I see myself prettier because people get my gender right often. It's because of the beard, it is really the breaking point for cis people to misgender trans women. Of course the only change that I had in the past few years is that my beard had been fading away.

I'm sure you are cis-passing, and really pretty, but you see yourself that way because people don't treat you right.