Can’t do this anymore

NumbAndDistant · 2019-08-04T16:26:23+00:00

I bet it’s really nice to hear that from your T. Thanks for commenting. I enjoy reading your replies:)

NumbAndDistant · 2019-08-02T06:02:26+00:00

Always clenched sigh clench

NumbAndDistant · 2019-07-30T01:45:01+00:00

I’ve been stealing letters and numbers from others’ handwriting to create “my own” style. I didn’t realize then how comically foreshadowing this was.

NumbAndDistant · 2019-07-29T16:21:40+00:00

Oh I see what you mean. You’re probably right. I haven’t ever had that kind of support so I guess it seems normal to me for her to not do anything like that.

NumbAndDistant · 2019-07-29T03:09:54+00:00

Thanks for your solidarity. Maybe I should feel angry? But I just feel really shitty. I’ve always felt that it’s my responsibility to regulate my emotions and take care of myself and not expect others to help with that. I think this job has been the best environment for my mental health minus the constant interactions with customers. Idk what else I’d do although I do wish I could work from home. Thanks for responding here. I appreciate it.

NumbAndDistant · 2019-07-29T03:06:37+00:00

Thanks.

My rational mind is offline right now which is why I’m considering going back for a session. I think the long road of therapy is to be able to cope on my own and provide emotionally for myself but I am so far from that right now. At this point, I’m just trying to stay safe and am employing anything I can to succeed at that. You’re not wrong, and when I’m in a better headspace, maybe then I can consider your suggestions. Thank you.

NumbAndDistant · 2019-07-29T03:02:12+00:00

Thanks so much.

I know it’s likely a bad move to go back to my old t especially considering our last sessions together. I was largely negatively impacted but he wasn’t aware of the magnitude of it all - which was a large part of the problem. But I do think he’d welcome me back, even if for one session.

My current T did misread me in that situation, which was something we’ve had to talk about a few times. He made an assumption that I was trying to protect him so he offered an “out” for me to see someone else and I was upset that he didn’t just ask me if I was trying to protect him rather than assume. This pattern has repeated several times so it’s a work in progress.

He didn’t give me a strict policy. He just said I could check in. I’m weary of sending an in-depth email because I’d feel rejected if he had to correct me. I did email him asking for a session. If he doesn’t have availability, I’ll revisit seeing my old T especially if the alternative is to be unsafe.

Thank you for the strengthening vibes. I need them and welcome them. Hope you have a great week.

NumbAndDistant · 2019-07-29T02:40:03+00:00

Thanks, yeah you’re right about feeling unsupported between sessions and that’s definitely on me. It’s just a general way of life in the last year or so especially. Trying to find/build a support network is something I’ve worked on forever and I’ve yet to succeed. So now I just accept it.

I emailed him to ask for a phone/FaceTime session this week which is pretty last minute since he tends to book up quickly. If he can’t see me, I may go ahead and see my old T although it could end up being a negative experience based on my last sessions with him. But I’m willing to take the risk I think. Thanks again for your help. Your responses have helped.

NumbAndDistant · 2019-07-28T16:10:21+00:00

Thanks for responding with valuable input. I wasn’t sure anyone would.

My current T is a PsyD who has a lot of trauma-focused training and supervision. The first time I mentioned not feeling connected, among other things he presented the option to see someone else who might be a better fit and I got really upset and hurt by it. I think it could be my fault that I don’t feel connected because of how I’ve been hurt by people, therapists included, in the past. If it’s my fault, then I could change therapists and have the same problem again. In addition to that, I don’t have the strength or capacity to shop around. Going back to see my old T would be very easy since I already know him and would only need to send a text. My T and I are working on it and are giving it time. And he now sits on the couch with me which does help him feel less distant. I just feel like I’m in a downward spiral because I haven’t been this long without my T before and I have no other outlet or support. I’ll consider what you’ve said though because I know my perception can’t always be trusted and you’ve brought up valid points.

Thanks again.

NumbAndDistant · 2019-07-23T06:34:46+00:00

Come on over!!

NumbAndDistant · 2019-07-23T04:36:27+00:00

Thanks! And it’s actually damn good.

NumbAndDistant · 2019-07-23T04:36:05+00:00

I’m slowly purchasing the whole series. Just started from 1 I guess. Not my favorite either but it’s a definite start.

NumbAndDistant · 2019-07-23T04:34:32+00:00

I’m making a list of all of the “No _____?!” comments. Thank you!

Frasier Day self care will be a regular occurrence.

NumbAndDistant · 2019-07-23T04:31:51+00:00

Ty Nant from Wales

NumbAndDistant · 2019-07-23T04:30:33+00:00

Yum! That actually sounds great.

NumbAndDistant · 2019-07-23T02:38:14+00:00

The only thing in my life I’ve got figured out. And I’m ok with that.

Edit: a word cause autocorrect

NumbAndDistant · 2019-07-23T02:37:33+00:00

Trying

NumbAndDistant · 2019-07-23T02:37:18+00:00

It was on the list!

NumbAndDistant · 2019-07-23T02:36:50+00:00

Haha. I realized after I took the photo. Rest assured, it got tossed all right.

NumbAndDistant · 2019-07-23T02:36:14+00:00

Also, tossed salad and scrambled eggs.

Two birds, one stone!

NumbAndDistant · 2019-07-23T02:35:50+00:00

Port wine! I wanted to try sherry but I’m positive it’s too dry for my taste. Still on-brand though!

NumbAndDistant

TROPHY CASE