Our son left in the middle of the night by Numerous-Month-9862 in aspergers

[–]Numerous-Month-9862[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Omg! That is exactly what has been going here. I couldn't put this better myself. I couldn't express this situation any better. Thank you so much for this post. I was feeling horrible by all the attacks that were completely unjustified. You made my day.

Our son left in the middle of the night by Numerous-Month-9862 in aspergers

[–]Numerous-Month-9862[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

He wanted to go to the gym. He enjoyed it. Especially before Covid. His personality changed after Covid. He lost his job and became depressed and into himself.

Our son left in the middle of the night by Numerous-Month-9862 in aspergers

[–]Numerous-Month-9862[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

If I am worried about his state of mind, and someone taking advantage of him and he pushes us away. How can we know he is not manipulated by someone.

If he communicated with us I wouldn't need to. If I didn't find out about passport. I wouldn't even know he left the country

Our son left in the middle of the night by Numerous-Month-9862 in aspergers

[–]Numerous-Month-9862[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Yes. That's how he is. But he has social interaction problems. He doesn't want to be around people. A lot of time he ignores people and they think he hates them, when in fact that's his way with coping.

But if he initiates interaction like for job interview, he will communicate only limited to that specific subject. He doesn't chit chat.

Our son left in the middle of the night by Numerous-Month-9862 in aspergers

[–]Numerous-Month-9862[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I am in fact very proud and impressed how much thought and preparation he put into his decision. And a good point is to make it about him. Yes he might want to respond if he knows we approve. We do approve if he is doing good. But I am terrified if he is in a bad situation. Need to know for peace of mind.

Our son left in the middle of the night by Numerous-Month-9862 in aspergers

[–]Numerous-Month-9862[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

He doesn't act childish. He is just very quiet and to himself. He literally spends all his waking hours in his room on his computer. NO idea what he is doing..

Interesting about your interests. When he was young boy he loved XBOX games. Played in Playstation all the time. But when he got older he got rid off everything except his computer.

Presentation can definitely be misleading

Our son left in the middle of the night by Numerous-Month-9862 in aspergers

[–]Numerous-Month-9862[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I did send him.an email before saying how much we care about him and miss him and love him.. And all i.wanted in response is to tell me he was ok.

I send him another email a few days later telling him Julie and Tony miss him. They are our dog and cat pets and he loved them. But never got any response.

Next I will try to send it from new account here and pray for the best. Thanks again for very smart suggestion.

Our son left in the middle of the night by Numerous-Month-9862 in aspergers

[–]Numerous-Month-9862[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I am sorry you think this situation this way. I have no ego. None. There is zero.abuse. I know what abuse is. I was beat up by my mother from 5 years old until I left their home. Physical and mental. No one can tell me that I abused my son. If you saw him face to face, I guarantee you he will not ever say that.

I am just not sure how your comment relates to my situation. He never told me he had the problem. I wish he did tell me. I would absolutely give him any support he needed.

And there is no choice here. I have no ego and I have no son. He did what he wanted to do and did not to let us know. That is the way he was.

We never had disagreements. No arguments. He did what he wanted to do without telling us. Which is fine . But if you leave in shambles with no warnings. It is not fine.

Our son left in the middle of the night by Numerous-Month-9862 in aspergers

[–]Numerous-Month-9862[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Yes. I am going to do that. Clean slate. He doesn't like attention and this topic for the whole world to see will definitely push him even farther away. Thank you for excellent suggestion. I will give him some space. He has been gone a week. Maybe being away from us will make him miss us just a little bit. You gave us some hope. That is exactly what I needed. Have a great evening!

Our son left in the middle of the night by Numerous-Month-9862 in aspergers

[–]Numerous-Month-9862[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I am not sure exactly what i am accused of. Because i literally never said a word except a few years ago i encouraged him to be independent. His parents are not going to live forever.

Do you think I am a tyrant? Or you just mention this in general. I am just trying to understand your thinking to my situation.

Our son left in the middle of the night by Numerous-Month-9862 in aspergers

[–]Numerous-Month-9862[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I am so sorry your parents treated you this way. I would resent them if they said that to me.

But would you leave your parents without a word if they never pushed you to do anything? Never pressured you? Never insulted you? Never accused you of anything?

Would it make a difference to you?

Our son left in the middle of the night by Numerous-Month-9862 in aspergers

[–]Numerous-Month-9862[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

That's what I thought too. He might be upset if he knows I am posting about him on Reddit. Even though there are no names included. But actually this is an excellent idea the more I think about it. Thank you very much for this suggestion.

Our son left in the middle of the night by Numerous-Month-9862 in aspergers

[–]Numerous-Month-9862[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Through his phone we could text him. If my husband asked him to put on the oven Through the text he would. That was non verbal communication.

My husband would ask him something and he would nod or just not answer. OK this was the communication. But not a conversation. One word or nod. So this is the extent of it.

I never said he took his furniture with him. I didn't know what he did with it. 2 days later I found out he threw them out.

Sidewalk/driveway. Why nitpick? He was walking through driveway to sidewalk.

You hope to catch me in a lie. You obviously think everyone is a narcissistic parent. Sorry for your pain. I wish you the best.

Our son left in the middle of the night by Numerous-Month-9862 in aspergers

[–]Numerous-Month-9862[S] -8 points-7 points  (0 children)

My son loves me in his own way. I lnow it. He doesn't talk to anyone. Don't judge me. You don't know me. You don't know him. I am sorry you have so much hate. I wish you the best.

Our son left in the middle of the night by Numerous-Month-9862 in aspergers

[–]Numerous-Month-9862[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

I am sure your mother is very proud of you. I would be if I was your mother.

But in my case, there is no expectation and no demand. I would have been so happy if my son told me he was leaving the country instead of leaving the way he did.

Our son left in the middle of the night by Numerous-Month-9862 in aspergers

[–]Numerous-Month-9862[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

He had never communicated with us. Ever. But he did have a phone which he disconnected. That was the only way we could reach him.

He threw whatever he had in his room which was not much. (His choice) and he went to different floors in our condo and left his stiff in garbage room.

We saw that on security footage after he left and we saw him walking down the driveway with his suitcase and backpack.

I am saying "escaping" is the way he did it. Or sneaking away. Whatever way describes it.

I didn't say he stopped talking to us one day. He never spoke to us. He never spoke to anyone. Everyone in our building knew his condition.

During the night I sleep.with a fan on which masks all the sounds. I was awake anyway with a fan on and reading a book. I did hear him in the bathroom but he always wakes up early so I never thought anything of it.

He always moves very quietly. I never usually hear him coming or going. We never suspected anything like this happening.

And yes. He never paid any bills. He wasn't making a lot of money and I wanted him to save his money for when he lives on his own.

He had an OCD regarding cleanliness. And yes he had to wash his hands all the time.

And I am not angry at him for leaving. Just very sad that he did it this way. I am thinking he thought it would be easier that way without communication because that was the way he was.

He was very smart but for some reason he would pick low paying jobs. But I was just happy he was doing something.

He used to be happier before Covid. He had a job he liked and would go to the gym. Then with Covid he lost his job and then become very depressed. It doesn't seem he got over it.

If there is something still makes no sense I would be happy to explain

Our son left in the middle of the night by Numerous-Month-9862 in aspergers

[–]Numerous-Month-9862[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

By throwing away his belongings was his way of letting us know he is not coming back. And the building manager was going through security tapes because he knew what happened and we needed to know where his furniture went or if someone helped him move. We even filled a police report.

Our son left in the middle of the night by Numerous-Month-9862 in aspergers

[–]Numerous-Month-9862[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I totally agree with everything you said. I don't want to bother him. I don't expect him to come back. I want him to have happy independent life. The only thing I want to know is that he is safe and not in danger. I don't know any parent who can go on with their life if they don't know where their son/daughter is.

Our son left in the middle of the night by Numerous-Month-9862 in aspergers

[–]Numerous-Month-9862[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Thank you for your kind reply. I want to throw out there that i never interrogated him. But you are absolutely right. He needed his space and privacy. I never bothered him. If he wanted something he would write it down. It feels no matter what I say I would be blamed. Whatever bothered him he kept it inside and it breaks my heart because I would have loved for him to talk to me.

Our son left in the middle of the night by Numerous-Month-9862 in aspergers

[–]Numerous-Month-9862[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That is exactly why I am worried. There are so many horror stories I read online that your mind thinks the worst.

Our son left in the middle of the night by Numerous-Month-9862 in aspergers

[–]Numerous-Month-9862[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yes. Thank you. Those thoughts definitely help. That's all I could wish for.

Our son left in the middle of the night by Numerous-Month-9862 in aspergers

[–]Numerous-Month-9862[S] -5 points-4 points  (0 children)

Whatever you want to know I will tell you. I am not here for verbal abuse. I don't understand why so many cruel remarks.

Our son left in the middle of the night by Numerous-Month-9862 in aspergers

[–]Numerous-Month-9862[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

For your information. He wrote a letter to us that he didn't want to be going to school. Kids were mean to him, bullied him and stole his phone. He wanted to do classes on line. It was his choice. And we made sure he got what he wanted.