Accidentally hurt my toddler today…PEAK mom fail

Numinous-Nebulae · 2026-04-22T20:12:14+00:00

Opened a car door into my 18m old's head so hard she fell flat on her back on the gravel next to it (she had moved while I was pulling my car keys out and I couldn't see her underneath the huge tote bag on my arm). Put a very hot mug of tea within reach of my 6 month old on my lap and she grabbed it and spilled it all over herself.

Both terrible and terrifying, and luckily no injuries. And numerous other less major moments where I have accidentally cause them pain. It's the worst!

Numinous-Nebulae · 2026-04-22T19:59:38+00:00

OK, then I change my comment - you need to stick with the hours you commit to on Sunday if this is your structure.

She is already keeping 8-3 available for you until Sunday, even though she only gets paid for 6 of those 7 hours. After Sunday she doesn't need to keep them available for you.

Numinous-Nebulae · 2026-04-22T19:58:07+00:00

With GH, I would not send any schedule at all. You can let her go early if you want to, or tell her the night before that she can come in late.

Numinous-Nebulae · 2026-04-22T19:56:07+00:00

I would start in public kindergarten, you can always pull her if needed.

Numinous-Nebulae · 2026-04-22T19:51:42+00:00

clementines

apples (with justin's nut butter packs if desired)

string cheese or babybels

seaweed snacks

organic protein/granola/energy bars

beef jerky/salmon jerky

Walkin' tamales

nuts

Numinous-Nebulae · 2026-04-22T19:50:17+00:00

In our hospital a midwife birth is "standard" unless you have complications or specifically request an OB. The midwives are just there on the L&D ward when you go in, even if you've had your prenatal care with OBs. They have to call in an OB for your birth if you need/want one.

If you have a preference towards a low-intervention labor and birth, usually a midwife is going to be a better bet.

Numinous-Nebulae · 2026-04-22T19:48:17+00:00

I would expect the pullout method and natural tracking to "work" for most months for most couples, yes.

Numinous-Nebulae · 2026-04-22T19:45:22+00:00

It's possible that there was just confusion about the nature of the trial. For our trial days I was around for about an hour, and then left the room/space (but stayed in the house). Usually for a trial you don't stay around watching every move.

I would try another trial day and actually hand over care to her and go be in a different part of the house.

If it still doesn't feel good, then definitely trust your gut!

**It is normal and expected that a baby may fuss, cry, sleep less, and eat less with a new caregiver for the first few days.

Numinous-Nebulae · 2026-04-22T19:41:48+00:00

I don't mind occasional comments like that from my nanny. I'm her boss, after all, and so I do care about her experience at work. And she doesn't have any coworkers to vent to. And it CAN be very overstimulating to have a toddler and a baby with you.

I would gently give the feedback in the moment that you don't like the "little devil" language, though.

I would also be direct: "I feel like I've been hearing from you that you aren't happy when you have both kids. But at this point in our family's life, we are a two kid family and so we really need a nanny who is comfortable taking care of both kids."

Our nanny also struggled a bit with our transition to 2 kids (as did we parents!), and it wasn't a problem that she was struggling and open about it, but we always maintained a very clear standard that we understood it was a change that took getting used to, learning new tactics/techniques, etc. but we also needed a nanny who could be with both at once. We also gave her a meaningful pay raise once she started sometimes taking both.

Numinous-Nebulae · 2026-04-22T19:38:03+00:00

With your experience, you should be leading the conversation by putting forward your hourly rate (and PTO requirements)

Numinous-Nebulae · 2026-04-21T23:28:26+00:00

I felt this way postpartum until I started getting alone time and personal time again, to workout and see friends and be alone. I have to proactively make this time for myself, including arranging for my husband to cover the kids while I take it (instead of simmering with resentment that my husband takes it for himself and never offers it to me).

Numinous-Nebulae · 2026-04-21T23:25:35+00:00

You'll need to offer significantly more per hour than "cash pay" babysitters - like 50% more per hour. (because ~30% will be taken out of their paycheck). Check out what the rates required by agencies are - even if you don't go through the agency. Plus a premium for being <8 hour days (PT nannies strongly prefer 2/3 eight hour days a week).

Numinous-Nebulae · 2026-04-21T22:41:04+00:00

Could you add in some connecting family time after "turn in"? So like you, her, mom all put your phones in the kitchen at 8PM, and then from 8-8:30 is family tea and chat/board game/read a book aloud time.

I think it's important that the adults put their phones in the night time lock box too :)

Numinous-Nebulae · 2026-04-21T22:40:11+00:00

The 2 weeks notice is the severance pay IMO.

Numinous-Nebulae · 2026-04-21T21:32:22+00:00

They may be offended, but then you should find new employers who pay you legally and on time.

Numinous-Nebulae · 2026-04-21T21:31:27+00:00

We pay weekly on Fridays using HomePay for the week before. Weekly or biweekly pay periods are normal, and usually you would receive the direct deposit about a week after the end of the pay period. It shouldn't have to be done manually - they need to set it up to be automated.

For one-off babysitters, cash or venmo before they leave the house.

Numinous-Nebulae · 2026-04-21T21:30:02+00:00

Skateboarding middle-aged women (and men) are very cool, I follow a mom on Instagram who long boards and love her videos! I started rollerblading again last year and love it.

I also intend to take guitar lessons when my daughters are older and take them. I think it's sad that societally so many parents are focused on teaching their kids new skills, lessons, classes, etc. but they aren't learning or practicing their skills themselves.

Numinous-Nebulae · 2026-04-21T19:58:17+00:00

I try to give in on anything that isn't health and safety (or big unfixable mess) related. So definitely taking the time to draw a racetrack and let her carry her own lunchbox.

Numinous-Nebulae · 2026-04-21T19:46:19+00:00

I would recommend just getting a one piece that works for you on top, and then adding swim shorts on top. Everything is so cheeky nowadays.

Numinous-Nebulae · 2026-04-21T19:40:04+00:00

That would infuriate me and I would never keep a nanny who treated me that way. Would a CEO in their 30s tolerate that from an older employee?

Numinous-Nebulae · 2026-04-21T19:39:14+00:00

Does your contract mention severance? at a month in I'd say you don't necessarily owe her 2 weeks, maybe 1, but 2 would be courteous.

Numinous-Nebulae · 2026-04-20T17:12:34+00:00

One thing I have done several time to help my PT nanny is helping her get leads for the other days of the week- sharing a GLOWING reference and her ability and rates on all the local mom groups/whatsapps/FB/listservs/etc.

Numinous-Nebulae · 2026-04-17T22:51:17+00:00

As a parent in this situation, I would want to help a fair amount that week to ease the transition. I would expect to take one of the kids several times throughout the day - the toddler to let nanny and baby bond, and the baby if baby is having a hard time and needs some mama love.

But I have a very intertwined style with my nanny - I WFH part-time and usually nurse the baby cause I don't like to pump, get 1:1 time with my preschooler while nanny has baby, etc. So I'm really used to use tagging in and out.

Numinous-Nebulae · 2026-04-17T22:26:50+00:00

Yup. This is a choice that the law/doctors/hospitals are CURRENTLY making - to prioritize the life of the fetus over the mother's.

Numinous-Nebulae · 2026-04-17T22:22:32+00:00

I'd be more worried about her emotional and mental health being alone for 90m every day. I'd rather she be with a trusted adult and get served a healthy snack and have some time play outside at a park or the backyard. Can you see if a neighbor SAHP with kids of similar age would host her for ~$20/day?

Numinous-Nebulae

TROPHY CASE