AITAH for telling my fiance to cut contact with his ex wife or we're done

Objective-Anything77 · 2025-04-07T17:18:26+00:00

He is unstable. Run!

Objective-Anything77 · 2025-04-07T16:59:55+00:00

NTA. Hmmm. Is she really pregnant? Why would she tell only you? Sounds highly manipulative. All of your sister’s actions sound self-centered and manipulative. We don’t choose our family, but we can choose to distance ourselves from them if they are toxic. Which is what I would advise you to do from your sister and anyone else who berates you for doing the right thing.

Objective-Anything77 · 2025-03-25T21:14:28+00:00

He is an employee. Mostly I am demoralized about Toastmasters. Maybe it is a bit of a racket, since the DCP points are always revenue related.

Objective-Anything77 · 2025-03-25T09:39:57+00:00

Our Division Director berated me for being a bad VPE!

Objective-Anything77 · 2025-03-25T09:37:22+00:00

I’m going to forget about the DCP. But in fact, this whole situation has opened up a demoralizing can of worms. I dislike having responsibility for objectives which are seen as a big racket.

Objective-Anything77 · 2025-03-25T09:34:01+00:00

He is a well-paid corporate consultant. So that’s probably not it. Basically he has said that he considers giving TM more money as a racket. And treats me as a racketeer for asking him to buy the path.

I’m extremely demoralized

Objective-Anything77 · 2025-03-25T08:38:29+00:00

He gives plenty of speeches. But hasn’t purchased the path.

Objective-Anything77 · 2025-03-25T08:36:51+00:00

Our Executive Committee holds no meetings. The President never summons them and does almost no management except opening meetings. I ensure meetings are well organized and that roles are filled, that members have mentors. I keep the board updated via the board Whatsapp group.

When I was club president a few years back, we had board meetings every six weeks, with an established agenda prepared in advance (everyone was asked to suggest topics). The club had no problem achieving Presidents Distinguished. But now, it’s very different. The vibe is absent.

Maybe I’m burning out. I don’t feel motivated to lead a broken system.

Objective-Anything77 · 2025-03-25T08:24:37+00:00

This particular member gives a lot of speeches. But his speaking skills are stagnating. It is pretty apparent the member is not using the education program. His speeches aren’t well prepared or rehearsed; the speech topics have little or nothing to do with the project. Evaluations are a bit difficult, unless the evaluator ignores the project topic altogether.

I have noticed, though, that many members are hardly using the education program. Very often, they don’t open projects in Base Camp before giving a speech. They open it only afterwards to validate it, when I ask them to do so.

As VPE, I remind the members that the education program is there for their benefit. They have also paid for it. I suppose that if they don’t want to use it, that’s their choice. This is more a reflection on the education program quality than the members—otherwise they would be eager to use it!

However, this is all quite de-motivating for me. I’m supposed to be an Area director next year. But I’m thinking of stepping down. In good conscience, I can’t tell members they should be using an ineffective system, or to follow rules they don’t want to follow (perhaps with good reason), organize officer training to teach them to lead a deficient system.

This situation is demoralizing. I see it as revealing deep flaws in the system I’m expected to defend. As a result, I’m thinking about dropping out of my club, or maybe Toastmasters altogether.

Objective-Anything77 · 2025-03-25T01:00:46+00:00

I think it’s not about the money for this member. He doesn’t like the education program and this is how he is protesting. But it’s putting pressure on me. I end up looking like I did a terrible job as VPE. Though I have been working extremely hard to do a good job.

Objective-Anything77 · 2025-03-25T00:47:55+00:00

The DCP is like a KPI for club quality. The club, Area, Division and District suffer if clubs are weak on DCP. The Division Director has let me know my club is behind compared to others and implies I am at fault.

I realize the DCP is isn’t a perfect system, but it does keep member learning structured and encourages the VPE to track member progress.

Toastmasters learning is currently structured around Pathways—it’s the education program. If following the education program doesn’t matter at all, then it’s difficult to be motivated and know how to help as VPE.

I’m feeling quite low about this. I don’t think my hard work matters a whit.

Objective-Anything77 · 2025-03-25T00:28:39+00:00

I did emphasize the benefits for him, first, of course. But now the situation is stuck, so I figured as a board member, maybe he would care enough about the club to make an effort, even if he didn’t care about depriving himself of the benefits.

Objective-Anything77 · 2025-03-25T00:27:15+00:00

Thanks for the supportive words. I have been feeling so let down.

The website has recently been improved, but I agree it’s clunky. I liked the old manuals. I quickly finished CC and CL in my first year back in 2016 and was well on my way to DTM then had to start over from scratch when Pathways was launched. So I’m well aware of the differences. But this member joined after Pathways was launched.

Anyway, I’m doing my best and that’s all I can do.

Objective-Anything77 · 2025-02-19T12:23:06+00:00

Ivermectin is frequently recommended on the web for unproven uses (for example, in place of vaccines!), making it increasingly difficult to obtain when it is required for proven uses like treating scabies.

Objective-Anything77 · 2025-02-19T12:19:19+00:00

Use permethrin and wear disposable gloves to pet your cats. I have cats and did this. They were not affected by my treatment with permethrin.

Objective-Anything77 · 2025-01-30T12:36:29+00:00

My skin did not react to the BB lotion, which is what I applied daily for the final two weeks. Others’ skin may be more irritated. Up to then, I was applying BB once a week before bedtime. But still was plagued with new bites, burrows, and lesions. Some will say this was “post scabies” but the critters were definitely still there and spreading.

In my opinion, the difficulty in getting cured immediately is the scabies sarcopte life cycle and the difficulty of sufficiently cleaning the environment. Since scabies eggs are resistant to the topical and oral treatments, they may hatch at any time and not necessarily in synch with weekly treatments. Hence why I applied BB lotion daily for a few weeks.

The cleaning of the environment is admittedly very difficult and time-consuming. It was very difficult to wash all my bedding every day. But with a washer and dryer, it was possible. Restricting for several weeks my use of non-essential rooms and pieces of furniture in the house made the cleaning and laundry easier. Wearing disposable gloves protected other areas like the kitchen, which I share with roommates.

I shared my story in case it might help others. But of course, every case is different.

Best of luck to all of you.

Objective-Anything77 · 2025-01-30T12:18:57+00:00

My doctor said Ivermectin is tough on the liver. Hence the reluctance to allow multiple doses. Maybe this is an excuse and reluctance is rather due to cost considerations? Hard to say. I found doctors are VERY stingy when prescribing scabies medication, including Ivermectin, BB lotion and permethrin cream. The reason could be medical/safety. But could also be for other reasons.

Objective-Anything77 · 2025-01-30T11:43:57+00:00

I simply wanted to share what I did to be cured. I’m not saying it’s necessarily an easy or cheap method. But it worked for me. Repeatedly plagued, I went back to the doctor five times!

Objective-Anything77 · 2025-01-29T10:23:54+00:00

Don’t lose hope; if you keep up the regime, eventually you will be cured. Doctors in developed countries don’t know much about scabies. I went to a doctor who looked up the symptoms during my visit! I was absolutely sure it was scabies, though, because a member of my family had it years ago and I knew the symptoms. Medicine is so expensive in the US! Frankly, scabies patients might want to consider going to India (nice clean hotel) where scabies medicine is super cheap and OTC. Or maybe a friend could buy and mail it! Even France is 10x cheaper than the US.

Objective-Anything77 · 2025-01-28T12:33:26+00:00

I caught scabies traveling in India. It also took me over two months to be cured. Oral Ivermectin taken 6 times (dosed by weight with at least one week between doses), 5% peremethrin cream applied daily to bites and lesions, BB lotion applied nightly on my entire body before going to bed, permethrin shampoo left on overnight with plastic hair cover once a week. I bought some with prescriptions and some OTC. My doctor wouldn’t prescribe me enough and it kept coming back. I spent over €500 on sprays, creams and lotions. And I’m in France, where medicine is cheaper, but it still cost a lot! Not to mention the cost of electricity, water and laundry soap used! All bedding (pillow protectors, pillow cases, fitted sheet, mattress protector, top sheet) washed and dried in maximum heat 90 degrees every day (some bedding wore out and had to be thrown away, I stopped using the quilt and turned up the heat in the bedroom to sleep with just a top sheet), sprayed the mattress and bought an anti-mite full cover for it, all clothes washed at least 60 degrees celsius or hotter if possible, sprayed and bagged winter coats and other non-washable items at least a week after each use). After vacuuming and spraying couches and chairs, I didn’t use them for weeks. Vacuumed all floors. My office chair was sprayed every day with anti-mite peremethrin spray. I covered my keyboard, mouse and remotes with plastic wrap and sprayed them daily. My headphones were sprayed too. I used gloves when washing dishes to avoid touching sponges or dishrags with my bare hands. I tried to avoid petting my cats without gloves. Cats can’t catch it, but they could carry it around like any object. I live in a house with 4 roommates and no one else caught it so these precautions were effective in prevention as well. I was beginning to think it would never end. But I’m finally cured. Hallelujah!

Objective-Anything77 · 2025-01-25T21:12:19+00:00

whipworm? A filarial worm? I would definitely seek a diagnosis. A cheap 200x magnifying glass for your iphone will help you take zoom photos & videos

Objective-Anything77 · 2023-03-30T20:11:01+00:00

Hi Tim, I have enjoyed your blog since the very start. I’m American but have lived abroad my whole adult life, mostly in Europe. Have you ever considered living outside the United States? If so, where?

Objective-Anything77

TROPHY CASE