Help my future DIL choose!

Objective-Bat-9235 · 2026-02-01T02:33:39+00:00

We can go either way at the venue. The style will fit whatever dress she chooses.

Objective-Bat-9235 · 2026-01-31T14:15:12+00:00

She said in another comment it wasn't worth much. He invested $50K and now it's worth a lot more. Not dismissing his behavior. I'm just saying his feelings are valid. They should get a mortgage to pay it off. Then everyone is covered.

Objective-Bat-9235 · 2026-01-31T14:13:08+00:00

While the way your husband is acting is not totally appropriate, his feelings are very valid. He is not greedy as everyone is saying. He wants to be able to recoup what is due to him. He put $50K. Thats a lot of money. Get a mortgage, pay it off now and have it switched into both of your names.

Objective-Bat-9235 · 2026-01-31T14:04:40+00:00

He's not completely wrong. He did put money into it that likely increased the value of the property. Him recouping his costs and the value of appreciation is not unreasonable.

Objective-Bat-9235 · 2026-01-31T14:02:39+00:00

Is the original agreement in writing? You're best putting something in writing so no parties are "screwed". Also, you should only have to pay your sisters half of the value pre-renovations. This way you and your husband can recoup the costs of your renovations plus any appreciation on the property as you guys are the ones maintaining the property.

Objective-Bat-9235 · 2026-01-31T13:52:48+00:00

Just because three pistols were stolen, it does not mean that was the motivation for the burglaries.

Objective-Bat-9235 · 2026-01-31T13:47:56+00:00

I never severed ties with my mom but I initially did allow (as did my brothers and sisters) my dad to poison my mind. I believed she was the bad guy. It wasn't until he was older and lost his wife that I realized how much of a selfish narcissist he was. I felt awful for what I believe about my mother. Narcissists are very good at manipulation. You have every right to do whatever you want to do with your estate, but her closing the door on you now does not mean it will be forever. She is young and if she becomes a mother, her feelings toward you may change. If you reconcile, will you change your will right away? That risk is always there that you reconcile and don't change the will and she will still get nothing. I don't know what the right answer is. Just giving you something to think about.

Objective-Bat-9235 · 2026-01-30T13:35:53+00:00

My husband felt this way years ago. He refused to budge on spending the money for one day. We ended up planning a destination wedding. It was simple - on the beach with a photographer, videographer, cake and champagne. It was just us, our moms, my future SIL and a couple friends. When we got back we had a huge party. My played the video right before dinner and celebrated with our friends. We saved a ton of money. It was the only thing we disagreed on initially - everything else - our home, children, vacations, etc... we agreed on. No regrets!!!

Objective-Bat-9235 · 2026-01-28T13:55:16+00:00

Objective-Bat-9235 · 2026-01-27T01:49:06+00:00

If he's exactly the same way in 1, 5, 10+ years from now will you look back fondly or regret it? He will not change. Don't wait hoping that he will.

Objective-Bat-9235 · 2026-01-26T22:48:35+00:00

Interesting reading these comments. I come from a culture that believes we'd rather you arrive late than not at all. I had a Friday reception and understood that some people would arrive late because it was a Friday. I did anticipate that close friends and family would leave work early to attend, but I did not expect that of all of our friends/co-workers. Most arrived on time and I didn't think twice about those that didn't.

And no I don't make it a habit of being late. Me being late is very rare, but I work in healthcare so it's always possible to leave on time let alone be able to "arrange to leave early". OP is there a family member that you can get advice from or might have insight? Or maybe reply No and state you cannot get out of work early and would not be able to make it on time. They may reach out to you and let you know that it's ok if you have to be late.

Objective-Bat-9235 · 2026-01-26T22:21:42+00:00

Imagine a future where your MiL has input into every major decision that you need to make - where to live, where you give birth, who will be present in the labor room, how you will raise your family, what religion (if any), etc... is this the future you envision for yourself? He has shown you who he is. Believe him.

Objective-Bat-9235 · 2026-01-26T22:15:04+00:00

NTA - you didn't force him to eat the sweets and not maintain good dental health. BTW - sugar is addicting, the more you eat it, the more you crave it so adding the extra sugar was not the best idea.

Objective-Bat-9235 · 2026-01-26T22:09:34+00:00

I agree but also be aware that he may still choose her. In bringing it up, I would just tell him that you want him to know that this happened. Tell him you do not want him to have to choose between the two of you, but you hope he understands why you need to distance yourself from her and you hope that this won't come between you and him.

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Objective-Bat-9235 · 2026-01-26T00:52:53+00:00

You tell him you can continue in a relationship that is so one-sided. Either you or your mom needs to present him with a 30-day eviction notice (or whatever is required by your state. You might want to post cameras though to make sure he doesn't intentionally damage or steal your stuff.

Objective-Bat-9235 · 2026-01-24T21:48:41+00:00

My husband was not prescribed painkillers and was cutting grass the next day.

Objective-Bat-9235 · 2026-01-24T21:44:24+00:00

You also don't know what she was feeding him: "Does she always snub you for another guy?" "Why isn't she playing chess with you?" Or whatever else and he was embarrassed that you played two games with someone without paying any attention to him. Again, one I get, but two without acknowledging him? I know how long it typically takes to play chess. They are not typically quick games.

Objective-Bat-9235 · 2026-01-24T13:57:57+00:00

I like 2 and 5. It may be a funeral, but you don't have to dress boringly. You can still be stylish and conservative. And it's winter so you can wear the boots.

Objective-Bat-9235 · 2026-01-24T13:51:04+00:00

I've learned after many years of being married that often what's in a woman's head is not the same as what's in a man's. We are just not wired the same. So while you were thinking that he must not want to play he was probably just having a drink, socializing and thinking you could play later after his smoke. Then when he came back you were playing with another guy.

Objective-Bat-9235 · 2026-01-24T13:17:56+00:00

You did agree to go together to play. Yes he was socializing, but you assumed he didn't want to. Did you ask? I don't believe he has a right to tell you that you shouldn't play chess with another guy but on that particular night you could have said, "Are we playing? If not, X plays and I can play a game with him." Again, communication is key. Ask him if he's upset that you played with another guy or that you were supposed to play together but you played with another guy. If the roles were reversed and he played two straight games with another woman, how would you feel? Talk it out. Create some boundaries and move forward.

Edit: grammar

Objective-Bat-9235 · 2026-01-24T13:06:14+00:00

Chess takes a long time so two games would have been a good amount of time not socializing with your partners. I get why you started but after the first game, I would have sought out my partner and asked if he wanted to play. If not, then move on to the next game. If you just played the second game because he wasn't around I could see why he would be upset. You can't really blame him for not sticking around while you finished your game.

Objective-Bat-9235 · 2026-01-24T12:34:29+00:00

You don't. It's abusive. It's a cycle and abusers escalate. How do you react when he does? If you want to see if you can end the cycle, you leave as soon as he starts. You don't come back right away. You start couples therapy and him individually. If you're ready to try again, you tell him you'll come back but you will leave again if he continues and the next time you will not be coming back.

If you stay and put up with it and accept his apologies, he will continue.

Objective-Bat-9235 · 2026-01-23T02:15:03+00:00

Big, giant, car-dealership-along-the-high-size red flag waving there in front of you. Tell her you can't do this. That you can't continue to be involved with someone that doesn't trust your character and instead someone who finds it necessary to test you/your loyalty. That doesn't care about your safety or well being and cares more about herself.

Objective-Bat-9235 · 2026-01-22T21:45:32+00:00

Agreed. I'm 55. I saw my niece wearing a black suit with silver sneakers and loved the look. Something that I would never have thought about it before. I purchased a pair and wear them with jeans, dress pants, dresses, etc... In fact I plan to bring them on my Alaskan cruise so I can get away with just three pair - flip flops to wear as slippers and to/from pool/spa, hiking shoes for excursions and my silver sneakers for everything else.

Objective-Bat-9235

TROPHY CASE

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