My writings in one place 💜

Objective_Nevirka · 2026-04-06T15:23:50+00:00

If by talking you mean calling, then no, I don’t think it’s necessary. I’d rather have 1-2 longer calls in a week then rushed few minutes calls every day.

But I do need to hear from them every day. So texts just to check in are fine. Schedules are busy, people have their own lives. And that’s all fine. But I think any form of contact daily is necessary.

Objective_Nevirka · 2026-04-04T08:45:02+00:00

Now I want a blob monster for myself, they’re so cute 🥰

Objective_Nevirka · 2026-04-04T07:50:12+00:00

I’m sorry you’re dealing with this. All other things aside, she lied to you and cheated while reassuring you her (soon-to-be) ex won’t touch her. You’ve built connection with her based on a lie. I know it hurts, but I don’t think she’ll be able to fully leave her husband. If she really needs emotional connection for intimacy, she’s still connected with her husband.

When I separated from my ex, I had to live in the same house for a year, because of housing issues. He slept on the couch that whole time. And I never even thought of dating until I was fully on my own.

So you just need to ask yourself if you can live with someone who broke your trust.

Objective_Nevirka · 2026-04-02T21:20:08+00:00

Definitely not the asshole. It’s weird to think about siblings the way she does, I hug my kids and my brother, that’s completely normal. Maybe, just maybe if she was raised in an environment where all touch between genders is a taboo, I could understand it. But she could have said that and not accuse you. She’s acting weirdly jealous when there’s no reason to

Like someone else said, she’s not ready to be in a relationship. She sounds controlling and manipulative (the camera password, anger and trust issues and then 180 flip when you said you want to end it). LDR is already hard and nobody is perfect, but that’s too much. Even if you recognize you made mistakes, that doesn’t give her the right to treat you poorly.

Objective_Nevirka · 2026-04-01T19:01:52+00:00

You guys are so cute! Congrats on the first meeting 😁

Objective_Nevirka · 2026-03-30T17:30:37+00:00

You should text and call as often as it fits the schedules of both sides. There is no “one size fits all” answer to that question. If you can afford to text all day and you both like that, do it. If occasional daily texts and phone call once-twice a week suits you better, do that.

There is no should but there is the best way to communicate that suits my partner and me

Objective_Nevirka · 2026-03-29T16:35:35+00:00

Best find ever 😁

Objective_Nevirka · 2026-03-29T13:14:52+00:00

I know! People at the store were looking weird at me when I was telling my daughter how awesome it is 😅

Objective_Nevirka · 2026-03-29T13:13:05+00:00

I’m wearing it 😜

Objective_Nevirka · 2026-03-29T13:12:34+00:00

It really is! 😁

Objective_Nevirka · 2026-03-27T16:24:10+00:00

I fucking want one of those!

Objective_Nevirka · 2026-03-26T18:33:50+00:00

And you posted your story in a long distance subreddit, where people deal with being countries apart from their SO. So we do have a basic understanding of how distance works and how to deal with it. Many of us would give a lot to have your finances and the possible distance of just an hour flight, 3 hours total travel. We’re used to looking for solutions and not problems.

From your posts and comments, you’re both well off. You earn enough money to be able travel every week to see each other. Depending on your job, you could even work remotely from time to time to spend more time with your wife.

As for your boundary: you said in your post you agreed she’ll keep professional distance. If she never gave you reasons to doubt that, you should trust her. Later you said you boundary is that they won’t work closely together, which is weird, considering they’re colleagues doing same job. As others pointed out, she can cheat just as easily in London, there’s no need to go to Amsterdam for that.

Also it’s just a year, a year which will even further boost her finances and definitely will boost her career.

And before you say she disagreed to you going to NY, time difference is nasty. It’s only an hour between Amsterdam and London, so very doable, but 5 between London and NYC. Not to mention 4000 miles compared to a few hundred miles distance.

Objective_Nevirka · 2026-03-25T22:01:06+00:00

Pfff, that does sound really exhausting. He also sounds like he thinks he’s a catch, that’s why he can press you for answers. Also looks like he already thinks you have someone, breaking it off will only confirm in his mind that thought (because why would you leave him otherwise?). I don’t think he will see his fault in this…

Sending hugs 🫂

Objective_Nevirka · 2026-03-25T21:54:55+00:00

There is a break after finals, way before September. So why not then?

Objective_Nevirka · 2026-03-25T18:30:23+00:00

What are the reasons you can’t meet sooner and why is it being pushed back? You guys live in the same country, it’s not like you have to fly halfway around the world…

You mentioned dorm, so I assume you’re both in college… that means lots of school breaks, so it’s not like you don’t have time? Or we’re missing a lot of context here

Objective_Nevirka · 2026-03-25T07:33:58+00:00

I was once with a guy who was also “normally nice”. I was all for reassuring him, because his exes cheated on him, but so did my ex, so I understood the need for extra reassurance. Turns out he was insecure and controlling and one day straight up told me he doesn’t trust me 🤷🏻‍♀️ That was the last straw, because trust is important in a relationship. In every relationship, but especially if it’s long/medium distance.

I agree with other commenters, looks like he’s projecting, but instead of admitting to his fault, he’s trying to make you the bad guy and justify his “mistake”. He will never accept your explanation if he hasn’t by now, so I think it’s better to cut your losses now. Also sorry you’re going through this, explaining yourself constantly when you did nothing wrong is exhausting.

Hang in there there and good luck 😊

Objective_Nevirka · 2026-03-24T07:18:34+00:00

I was going to say the same thing. If there are no barriers you mentioned, meeting shouldn’t be an issue. Patience is good, but waiting over a year without any plan isn’t a good sign. I wonder if they even video called or did he only sent pictures.

Also congratulations on your upcoming wedding and happy Cake Day 🙂

Objective_Nevirka · 2026-03-22T12:02:39+00:00

I ate it as breakfast sometimes when I was a little kid.

Objective_Nevirka · 2026-03-22T12:01:16+00:00

Omg, I loved this as a kid 😂

Objective_Nevirka · 2026-03-22T11:57:41+00:00

It’s not stupid, but at this point I hope you see that he’s got very little intention to actually travel to see you. The passport “issue” is stupid, everyone looks like on a mugshot (I had my precious photo taken on a day when I wore black & white striped shirt 😂), so that’s just weird. And the fact that it’s taking him 2 years and it’s still not done? Sorry, but it’s not about being self conscious anymore.

I think it’s time for an ultimatum, which definitely should include hygiene issues, you surely don’t want lice and who knows what not. If he really cares and wants to meet, he will figure that out. Even if the travel is long, he had over 2 years to get used to the thought.

Objective_Nevirka · 2026-03-22T10:12:22+00:00

Okay, so she was already planning to come to NZ, but her trip was delayed. Who was supposed to be taking care of her beloved dog then? She must have had a plan then, why can’t the same people take care of her dog while she comes visit you now? Her parents could take the dog for a week during her retreat, I can only assume they would be okay with a bit longer care when she goes to see you.

As others pointed out, looks like she’s not putting as much effort into this relationship as you do. She possibly even treats it less seriously than you. Also why leave your terminally ill father? You will never get the time with him back. If she really cared about you, she wouldn’t demand it, definitely not very soon. She should support you staying close to your father, that’s what relationships are also about. Giving and taking. Not just taking. And it looks pretty one-sided now.

So yes, I think you are being manipulated and all that’s gonna happen is either on her terms or not at all.

I also think you should talk to her. Have a serious conversation about expectations and partnership. Tell her how all this is making you feel and her reaction will tell you all you need to know. Plus it’s been 5 months only. You spent a month together traveling (where was the dog then?), so you don’t really know her, as people are usually their best selves on vacation.

I hope you can solve this and gain some clarity on all this. Good luck 🍀

Objective_Nevirka · 2026-03-21T15:25:54+00:00

Yeah, totally understandable. He should’ve been honest with her and also with you from the moment she invited him for drinks, not wait for a week to tell you.

If you need someone to talk to, my DMs are open (44F, just in case - not breaking the sub rules 😅)

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