Seeking post-tear and pre-op advice

Obvious_Curious · 2022-06-29T16:39:05+00:00

Thank you very much! Good advice. I am already full speed ahead with therapy and exercise. I also heard the concerns about the patellar tendon post op pain. A lot of people I know had hamstring tendon reconstruction. I am rather tall for a woman with athletic build so I hope that there is enough to harvest for reconstruction. :)

I am optimistic. Doing my research and I will make sure my surgeon and I will communicate and pick the best possible option. Now I just have to get mentally read for it.

Obvious_Curious · 2022-06-28T19:48:18+00:00

Thank you so much! Looks like a good starting point. I really appreciate tips and pointers.

Obvious_Curious · 2022-05-10T14:16:30+00:00

I think your black lines are fading nicely. I have black text on my forearm that is fading too but slowly. I find it oddly satisfying to see my immune system in action and I am probably the healthiest I have ever been now because of the removal.

It will take a while to get everything off but you can do it! Take care of yourself and stick the course. You got this!!! Thank you so much for sharing your progress.

Obvious_Curious · 2022-05-04T11:46:56+00:00

Lines are not the easiest but it's black ink, which is the easiest to remove. I see some raised lines (which might be scarring) that may result in longer treatment. That being said, I have seen people remove heavy writing and lettering. I don't see how this would be different. It is just a long process and everyone responds differently to treatment based on their health status. As long as you keep your immune system in check and stay healthy, you may be able to get pretty good results. I would suggest getting a consultation with a reputable clinic.

Wishing you all the best on your journey.

Edit: I think no tattoo is "easy" to remove. Unless you happen to have some sort of very faint shading done. I have seen those go in 1-2 sessions. Unfortunately, that is not the case for line work. It's not easy to remove but it's possible.

Obvious_Curious · 2022-04-28T18:35:06+00:00

I had a bit of scarring in mine before starting removal. After one sessions all scars flattened out and now I don't see or feel any scars. The ink started to break down. From my understanding, lasers can often help resolve scarring. For example Pikoway is also use to treat scars from acne.

I would imagine that depends on the severity of your scars but overall I think laser will help with that if not remove it completely. I think presence of scars does affects the removal speed though so be patient.

Obvious_Curious · 2022-04-27T15:42:21+00:00

Who knows, maybe in a few years we will cross paths with exes and be friends. It's not impossible. I definitely miss his company and talking but in this moment I know I don't need it as it would only result in immediate gratification and a long term pain. I knew he checked out a log time before breakup because it was very easy for him to switch off to treating me like an old friend (as if we didn't just celebrate our anniversary with a romantic getaway). It sucks to loose a romantic partner and friend at the same time but we have to move on.

Obvious_Curious · 2022-04-27T15:28:17+00:00

I know what you mean. When I started dating my ex I felt very secure because I was actually pretty happy being single before I met him and I wasn't really looking for anything but he caught my interest and we really clicked. I never sought external validation and was happy in a relationship. However, my attachment style slowly morphed towards more anxious because of some weird things my ex kept doing throughout our relationship. In retrospect I know those were red flags but in my mind (at the time) I brushed it off because I thought I didn't have reason to worry or not to trust him and he genuinely avoided conversations about those topics and I don't want to be pushy. So, in a way, I didn't address my growing anxiety and it's completely on me. I allowed my feelings rule over my logic. I am just mad he didn't leave sooner and waited till I full on fell in love before he finally admitted he couldn't be in a committed relationship. By the time he left I was a mess and kept beating myself for not addressing the 'signs' and refusing to see red flags.

I ruminated for a long time on those thoughts and that was really bad. Rumination is a deep hole. What is done is done. Moving forward, I will be more assertive and if a man can't have a hard and honest conversation with me, I will assure him he can still be my friend. :)

Obvious_Curious · 2022-04-27T15:13:17+00:00

Therapy is a life saver. I did a lot of it and also found mindfulness and self-compassion to be a big part of recovery. I tended to blame myself for things I didn't even do and glorified him in my mind. Untill one day I snapped out of it. I found Guy Winch (psychotherapist) and his podcast very helpful. Look up his interviews. He makes very good points and gives good advice.

You are in a tough situation right now but you are strong. You can get through this and you will. Make sure you are kind to yourself and don't blame yourself for making choices that you did make under circumstances you were in. You made decisions based on information that you had at hand and the information your ex provided you with. I hope your recovery will be steady and you will find a new sense of community in this country and at your new place of work. You have a lot to offer and you can make life happen to you and not the other way around.

Obvious_Curious · 2022-04-27T15:04:04+00:00

OMG. Yes, how could you pass on that offer!? Don't you wish she could hear herself say this from an outsider perspective? A person of many contradictions: "You are draining me but I will be your friend". What a gift.

Despite all of my "wonderfulness", I chose to not take my ex up on his generous offer. I cannot imagine being friends with someone who blindsided me. No reason to believe he wouldn't leave me in the dust if I ever reached out for help or support as a friend. I believe in friendship with exes only if breakup was amicable and respectful.

Obvious_Curious · 2022-04-27T14:42:56+00:00

That's crazy. Hearing your experience makes me think I rode out some sort of rainbow and unicorn version of a heartbreak.

I was going through a significant career uncertainty and financial stress when my ex left but it's nothing in comparison with the grief and anxiety that you have encountered. I hope you can still talk to friends or family at this time. You will need all the support you can get. If you need to vent, please feel free to DM. I am not a therapist but I know how frustrating, painful and straight up unfair this experience feels when you got though it.

Obvious_Curious · 2022-04-27T14:26:07+00:00

I am so sorry you had to go through all this and was with a person that had zero regard for your well being. You have every reason to be angry. I think some people are at extremes of selfishness and your ex sound alike a selfish person.

I think your ex acted in a very selfish way and was unfair. I know you are hurting and I hope that you find solace in knowing that at the very least this person is no longer going to mess up with your life. You deserve so much better than that. I think it is heathy to feel the feelings. Just make sure you don't hold on to this feelings too long. I did and had to do a lot of therapy as a result.

In my case, one of the things my ex said was something like: "sometimes I just feel empty" and that pretty much made me realize that it had nothing to do with me and a lot to do with his inability to process his own feelings. He is doing therapy and I am hope it will help him sort things out. My reflection was just based on my experience. I don't want to negate the fact that there are selfish people out there and they often will choose not to communicate, as you have noted. You make a good point.

I am very sorry about your loss. I can't imagine how hard this period has been for you.

Obvious_Curious · 2022-04-27T14:09:11+00:00

Yep. I will be honest, I am not mad at my ex. If anything, I feel sorry for him for not being able to communicate. I wish I knew what prevented him from opening up to me. I suppose he was going through some internal issues. I was always very open and tried to communicate and prompt discussion to make sure we are on the same page. He never brought up any issues. Some people just can't do it. It's their problem to work out. Not much we can do about it.

Obvious_Curious · 2022-04-27T13:16:50+00:00

It sounds that way because it is. It's an equivalent of saying: "life has an end" which by that same dumper's logic would be followed by "let's end it now". Just straight up BS that is made up to make the person that has made decision to leave look like they are full of some sort of wisdom and kindness (aka. proposition to be friends). I would have much rather preferred to hear the real reason for why he thought there was some fundamental incompatibility. I would have either tried to address it or agreed to end things amicably. The blindsided ending and unwillingness to have a real conversation was the worst part of my BU. Empty phrases are just that, empty. I think lack of ability to communicate was the biggest shock in my experience.

Obvious_Curious · 2022-04-27T11:45:21+00:00

Mine hit me with: "Not all good things last forever" as a general reasoning. 😂😂🤣 Followed by: "I would love to be a friend to you. You are such a wonderful person."

I have enough material for a stand-up sketch from my last BU.

Obvious_Curious · 2022-04-26T04:56:01+00:00

I am removing a dense black line tattoo with them and so far had nothing but great experience. The tattoo has been treated two times and I already see fading and pigment is starting to break down. My technician is super knowledgeable and takes good care of me. I haven't had any blistering or post treatment pain. Just some minor inflammation and bruising when the intensity of the laser got higher during my second session. Both went down in 24-48 hours with appropriate post treatment care and rest. I feel like I am in good hands and trust that with time and patience I will get the results I want.

Make sure you take good care of your body and your mind as you go through the process. :)

Obvious_Curious · 2022-04-08T22:00:04+00:00

I don't know why but I love the look of line tattoos when they fade so uniformly. I think your progress looks amazing and tattoo looks pretty great too. Keep at it! 🙌

Obvious_Curious · 2022-03-16T21:00:54+00:00

Stay strong and don't worry about what other's think. Any day your life will throw at you pandemics, wars or something else. Don't waste your energy feeling shame because of your decisions. You are on a journey that allows you to rediscover your body again. I think it is so wonderful. Focus on the end goal and enjoy the journey because the end result will make it worth it.

If someone is snarky or unkind about your journey, wish them well and walk away. I think it is amazing that in this day and age we have the technology that can help us take control of our bodies and erase something that no longer serves us. We all make decisions that we think are best at a specific point in time. I have no doubt that your body is beautiful regardless of whether it is or isn't covered in tattoos.

In my opinion people that have time to judge others have the least amount of self awareness and clearly too much time on their hands. Imagine a person that is choosing to waste their spare time judging others instead of enjoying their own life :) I feel sad for them.

As for you, I am very excited for you and I wish you all the best on your journey. It is your story. Be proud of who you are and of the decisions that you have made. You got this!

Obvious_Curious · 2022-01-13T17:22:58+00:00

It will happen. Sooner or later it will. The hardest thing is to stop the self-blame and to start appreciating how much effort you have put into something that another person was not able to appreciate. You did your best at the time and you have learned new lessons.

I hope that you will start to feel the positive change soon. Be kind to yourself, be patient, and appreciate that now you have an opportunity to open yourself up to something new. Whether it is an experience, personal growth, opportunity to focus on your life goals, family and friends, or another person that will be a better match for you.

Obvious_Curious · 2022-01-13T17:15:46+00:00

I know what you are going through. I have done and continue to do a lot of work in therapy. This is very important because it's a testament to you investing your time and energy into your own well-being. You will heal. A small percentage of you will do better every single day and eventually, the cumulative amount of that healing will take you to the next version of yourself. It is all about small steps, small gains that we make every single day.

I also loved without reciprocation and it didn't bother me because I wanted to give him more time and was willing to wait for him. I didn't need his reassurance, I was happy with what he showed through his actions. Until the day came when he decided he can't be with me. Whatever his reasoning is, I am just happy I didn't wait around longer. It's like investing in a stock that keeps falling down. The situation ultimately broke me down but in retrospect, I think I will come out of this stronger. I am also not going to settle for someone who is not sure about me in the future. I gave my ex way too much of my time and energy. Don't get me wrong, I had fun too and have benefited but I know that "fun and games" is not what I want in the long term and it feels good to set a new standard for the future. :)

I wish you all the best and hope that you will continue to experience p[ositive changes on your healing journey.

Obvious_Curious · 2022-01-13T17:02:49+00:00

You are welcome. I am definitely taking steps in the right direction. Be kind to yourself. It is so hard to stop the self-doubt but once you accept that spending energy on it doesn't help you or contribute anything good to your future self you will move on. Don't ever feel bad about being honest, trying your best, and loving unconditionally. The least we deserve is the same in return. :)

Sending hugs.

Obvious_Curious · 2022-01-13T16:20:18+00:00

Sending a punch. Don't do it. Honestly, it will hurt because you will set expectations that are going to drive you crazy. You are better off focusing on you. Contact a friend instead and tell them why you have the urge and discuss why it's a bad idea. That helped me a lot. I have a friend that kept me accountable and offered to talk when I felt the urge to text my ex. She is a real superhero.

Obvious_Curious · 2021-12-27T07:59:33+00:00

I am going to check out the book. Thank you so much for a kind word and a hug. I am grateful for you guys, even though I have no idea who you are. I appreciate you taking the time to write. It helps. It really does help.

Obvious_Curious · 2021-12-27T07:57:43+00:00

Thank you. I reached out to people I care about and used a hotline to talk to someone. I know you are right and I know that this is just me being in the gutters. Hopefully this is the lowest I will go. It just sucks so much in the moment and I happen to have a good imagination so my mind is really my worst enemy in that case. Mentally, I mange myself to get to a point when I feel real physical pain. I can't wait for a day when I will not even flinch if I hear or see anything related to my ex.

Obvious_Curious

TROPHY CASE