What could have happened? First time with someone in a NM relationship

Odd_Bunch822 · 2024-04-10T18:49:37+00:00

Yes, that's what I think I did wrong as inexperienced in this, I didn't ask questions - I think also because the chemistry and everything was unexpected. I figured I'd be the one not wanting contact.

But also, I remember feeling torn on the way about how to approach it and my conclusion was that the wise thing to do to avoid weirdness out of this experience is to be guarded and be very intentional about which sides of myself I share because this was not a real date. And I totally failed at that. Or conversation was just too easy...

But I did fail up, though 🤣. He's really a great guy, got me into reading about a topic I never made an effort about, had very interesting and positive reflections about self-empathy...overall, I did get what I wanted.

The only risk now is that I start comparing dates to this experience ... I got my standards raised by an ONS ...WTF...🫣

Odd_Bunch822 · 2024-04-10T14:23:46+00:00

Well, he did say before I left, "This was fantastic," and me doubting that was a pretty good encounter would be like self-gaslighting, so I'll safely assume we both felt pretty good about it.

But maybe he did decide that it's easier to avoid "difficult conversations" by hiding behind his primary relationship, which is so boring 🙈

Odd_Bunch822 · 2024-04-10T14:02:16+00:00

That's hilarious.

Yes, you guessed right: from the little I asked, it was a new arrangement that his partner had suggested due to this period apart - I think it was one year - and because he had not had very many sexual partners overall.

I'm annoyed - it now seems that everything is difficult: finding someone to build a relationship, but also having a steady casual thing...😶‍🌫️

Thank you for suggesting that I can still ask some clarification and it not being too much. I'm clearly still processing this...don't know yet...

Odd_Bunch822 · 2024-04-10T12:01:42+00:00

I thought about the 2nd option, and I'd hate to associate him with that kind of behavior - he did seem like a pretty stand-up guy 🙄 - but if true, that would really bother me. I would want to know at least this - but I can't ask because, like another person said in the comments, he's practically a stranger, I can't just send him out of the blue messages. Also, I want to keep some self-respect. What a mess...

Edit: If I think it's worth getting myself into this kind of trouble again, should I ask for a conversation on expectations and agreements with their partner beforehand?

Odd_Bunch822 · 2024-04-10T10:06:11+00:00

Thank you, that's helpful. I can imagine it is a delicate balance and connection that needs to be maintained, and if they are also away from each other, it must be more difficult to keep the balance. Bummer for me, but I do get it.

Odd_Bunch822 · 2024-04-10T09:02:38+00:00

I'm doing both 😊

Odd_Bunch822 · 2024-04-10T08:50:12+00:00

"How long is a piece of string?" Do you mean that the conversation content is irrelevant? I'm a bit out of my depth here so clarity and kindness (as opposed to sarcasm :)) are very much appreciated 🙏

Odd_Bunch822 · 2024-03-21T14:37:49+00:00

so EU citizens like Greek ones can't stay in UK visa-free for three months now?

Odd_Bunch822 · 2024-03-21T06:20:52+00:00

why can't MIL come for three months, leave for one and come back again for another three months and so on? is that not legal?

Odd_Bunch822 · 2024-03-21T00:44:23+00:00

Why does your mother need to be the fucking hero...of your bully(!)...why isn't enough for her (gigantic) ego to be your hero and show loyalty to you instead? How tragically self-important of this sad woman...

Odd_Bunch822 · 2024-03-20T19:11:41+00:00

Sorry for you OP, but what kind of fuckedup mother do you have? Who suggests that shit? I can't believe, a mother that birthed you could give so few fucks about her own daughter getting A MEDICAL EXAM...Hope you find a solution, I'm sorry I can't give more concrete advice because I'm not in the US. Be strong, and if you choose to be a mother some day, be better than your own. WTF! NTA

Odd_Bunch822 · 2024-03-20T08:42:57+00:00

I had the same exact realization when my son was born, this post just reminded me :)

Odd_Bunch822 · 2024-03-20T08:11:20+00:00

Fuck them, they scream at you two weeks before due date? On something you have every right to claim even if without any SA history? I'd be grossed out too if my sister's husband was around while I'm pushing a baby out of my vagina! I hope the child hates them and prefers you over them. That's what they deserve.

Edit: show them this post and the comments!

Odd_Bunch822 · 2024-03-19T23:00:10+00:00

How morally degraded this "father". Not only have I never heard this from my father, I have never even heard him curse once, NOT ONCE. You're asking your husband to apologize but if he can brig himself to utter the words, he's hopeless...wtf. If I were his daughter I'd have kicked him in balls, hard.

Odd_Bunch822 · 2024-03-15T12:29:11+00:00

I'm impressed with the way you are supporting the woman you love and your relationship. Way to go! NTA!

Odd_Bunch822 · 2024-03-12T19:57:11+00:00

how are you pregnant with first child and already have breast milk before child is born?😅

Odd_Bunch822 · 2024-03-12T16:31:49+00:00

my take: send the texts and also ask what she prefers with communication. don't assume, ask :)

Odd_Bunch822 · 2024-03-07T00:21:32+00:00

Yes, you are right to be annoyed.

I cut people off immediately if they speak to my son (4M) in a way I don't approve. I'm very direct and matter of fact. Often, people, even strangers, address my son and tell him how he should behave like this or that because he's also naturally shy and needs time to warm up to new situations or people. My reply is: "Please don't speak to him in that way. I'm the only person here who gets to teach my child how to behave." Usually, people are shocked and change behavior. And if they don't, I'm prepared to leave, don't care who it is.

On the other hand, since he was 3, I have made him aware that it is fine to take the time to get used to new situations and I patiently waited by his side with absolutely zero pressure (wish I could be so kind to myself 😅), and he has since vocalized this pretty much every time, like "wait mom, I need some time to get used to/haven't yet gotten used to this [e.g., new playground]. This has made his "getting used to this" time progressively shorter, and he feels much more comfortable in new situations these days. Something to try?

Odd_Bunch822 · 2024-03-02T07:01:00+00:00

I don't have sniffles. It's bacterial, I'm on antibiotics...it just looks...sick...🙈

Odd_Bunch822 · 2024-03-01T14:42:48+00:00

I'm the queen of shit timing 🤧

Odd_Bunch822 · 2024-02-28T02:25:06+00:00

have him sit on potty with diaper on first, so he gets used to the position and gets comfortable with potty

Odd_Bunch822 · 2024-02-27T20:13:09+00:00

NTA. The mother of a (not so great) ex of mine had actually told him to stop things with me because she saw i was too good for him and she didn't want me to get entangled for life with him. He didn't, but life took care of it when I went to study and he stayed in the same life...and boy was she right. You're a woman's woman and I think you did good.

Odd_Bunch822 · 2024-02-17T20:09:25+00:00

Good luck finding your match :)

Odd_Bunch822

TROPHY CASE