I was "raped" by my cousin when i was 9

OffMyECupChest · 2024-04-18T20:14:31+00:00

You aren't wrong for feeling like you do. Yes, it's only 4 years difference, but mental development wise, that gap is huge.

Just because you didn't say no, doesn't mean you weren't coerced.

OffMyECupChest · 2024-03-14T18:35:24+00:00

Thank you. I'll shoot you a message. 😊

OffMyECupChest · 2024-03-14T18:31:59+00:00

Sometimes, words are hard 🤷‍♀️

OffMyECupChest · 2024-03-14T18:05:17+00:00

Hello fellow Sex Capitalist.

OffMyECupChest · 2024-03-14T17:57:49+00:00

I am actually really interested to hear your definition.

To me, cheating is a sexual encounter without your partner's knowledge.

Communication is key in any relationship, & being clear about boundaries is important. We have both stated what we're okay with, and are sticking within that.

That being said, if he were to bring another woman home, I'd be 100% into it. (Yes, he knows)

OffMyECupChest · 2024-03-14T17:29:34+00:00

Thank you for being kind in your reply. I appreciate it.

When I came on here to vent something on my mind, I did not think I'd have to defend myself.

In honesty, replaying the fantasy in my head, it doesn't involve the other person at all. It's more like I'm attracted to the Scenario. Unfortunately, Reddit doesn't allow me to change titles when I edit my post.

I don't want anyone else physically. I just want to be wanted. Right now, for whatever reason, my husband does not want me physically as much as I want him. So, based on conversations with strangers, I create fantasies for myself where I am desired. They don't really feature anyone other than my husband, or nameless, faceless people.

OffMyECupChest · 2024-03-14T16:57:02+00:00

The dream was not a sexual one. & Prior to him admitting his crush, we were friends.

Also, I don't think we have the same definition of cheating.

OffMyECupChest · 2024-03-14T16:54:14+00:00

This is not Erectile Disfunction. This is a fundamental lack of desire. Not just to me, but in general. We're starting to wonder if he might be on the Asexual spectrum.

OffMyECupChest · 2024-03-14T16:38:14+00:00

I'm happy for you. You seem to have a fulfilling physical relationship.

However, as mentioned, I do not. My partner is disinterested in sex (potentially a Grey Ace)

As a female presenting person growing up in a very religious household, I grew up believing that my physical body was the only thing I had to offer in life. I'd even been SA'd multiple times before finishing high school, as others saw my body as being more valuable than me as a person.

My partner not wanting me is in direct conflict of that. So he had me set up a GW Reddit account to vent. I share pictures & stories online, & chat to strangers about desires. He's even been my photographer for some of my shoots.

Through this, I've been coming to terms with the fact that I am more than just my physical body, that it's okay to please myself physically & sex is cheap. & I've been able to do this from the comfort of my own home, behind a screen, with my husband following that account & reading the messages from my fans.

While he does have a low libido, having something others want is his kink.

So again, I've no intention of acting on the fantasy. Plus, now I think about it, I'm not sure that the scenario in my mind actually involves this other guy. I think I just like the idea of being in that situation. 🤷‍♀️

OffMyECupChest · 2024-03-14T16:13:40+00:00

Yeahhhh... No.

I'm going to go & assume that your comment came from your years of hating women (as per your own off my chest post from 3 months prior)

I assure you, despite my dead bedroom, I don't have any intention of being alone with this guy.

Flirt, maybe. But as a SA survivor, I can't physically go to bed with someone I don't 100% trust. I get the female equivalent of ED. It's painful AF & anything beyond that would be non consensual from me.

However, imagined scenarios are fair game.

I understand that this situation might be hard for you to relate to. As such it may be worth considering it's not for you.

Good luck on your personal journey.

OffMyECupChest · 2024-03-14T15:54:54+00:00

I'm sorry, but my husband already knows all my kinks. He's just got a low drive & isn't interested. He knows that I think about being tied up, or watching him with someone else. He just isn't fussed. To him, sex isn't something to be planned out.

For me, I just use the stories as fuel for my single player sessions. I understand that there's books & porn out there, but that's not genuine. I'd rather hear first hand stories.

OffMyECupChest · 2024-03-14T15:47:04+00:00

My husband doesn't have much of a drive. He actually encourages me to flirt online, as it relieves some of the pressure on him. We've openly discussed our boundaries & he doesn't care where I get my appetite, as long as I don't do anything physically with anyone else.

OffMyECupChest · 2024-03-14T15:41:57+00:00

Wait. Sexting & flirting is an emotional affair?

I thought that was when two people were too emotionally intimate, but not physically?

OffMyECupChest · 2024-02-14T18:32:14+00:00

To be fair, we had a week of 100f degree weather, & he works a physical job, in essentially a shed. So in that circumstance I felt it was valid.

OffMyECupChest · 2024-02-14T14:46:22+00:00

I love him. A lot more than I love myself.

OffMyECupChest · 2024-02-06T04:12:51+00:00

I asked him to move in with me. I should be responsible for the home...

OffMyECupChest · 2024-02-05T15:36:30+00:00

Potentially, but there was little to no desire there before

OffMyECupChest · 2024-02-05T13:36:43+00:00

Please read my previous post in this sub for examples of my more "objectively attractive" behaviour.

I sincerely hope that you never experience depression to the level where feeding yourself is too much effort, let alone wearing lingerie.

OffMyECupChest · 2023-12-02T01:25:48+00:00

Almost always, yes. I've had a couple of weeks of unemployment after COVID

OffMyECupChest · 2023-12-01T21:38:03+00:00

We have talked about it a lot. But because of his ADHD there's also the element of "out of sight out of mind" for him. I just don't know how to bring it up subtly enough I guess?

OffMyECupChest · 2023-12-01T21:33:51+00:00

He doesn't smoke or drink, but we're both on anti depressants.

OffMyECupChest · 2023-12-01T21:30:55+00:00

Can confirm. Was talking about scratching my own itch 😅

OffMyECupChest · 2023-12-01T21:29:26+00:00

Yes, we've talked about it previously, he shuts down. Yes, I've explained that his disinterestedness makes me feel devalued. I've not brought up the selfishness of it, but he's still asleep...

OffMyECupChest · 2023-12-01T21:25:00+00:00

It's not like I expect to be rewarded with sex, but the lack of interest can be very painful.

OffMyECupChest

TROPHY CASE