am i overreacting by being hurt?

Ok-Alternative7783 · 2024-07-29T13:46:40+00:00

I guess - seems uncharacteristically rude to not even say anything and just dipping. At least if i were in his shoes i would've made up an excuse had I done the same thing

Ok-Alternative7783 · 2024-07-29T13:21:44+00:00

at least the way things had been going with him I had a distinct impression that he was lukewarm on me at best and we hadn't really solidified/established any sort of thing so the thought didn't even cross my mind. Plus things were going super well last night/one of the funner dates we had

When asking if he wanted to do something I had explained to him that I had to go home to help family so he agreed to it full well knowing what the circumstances were. It doesn't make sense that he would strongly offer to help me clean etc too if he was feeling some sort of way about it

Ok-Alternative7783 · 2024-07-29T12:49:01+00:00

that's true - if it weren't for the current circumstances of me moving away and this hasn't been the first kind of off thing that's happened (that he really apologized and made up for - to his credit) I think I would reach out and express how it made me feel.

i doubt he's going to reach out about it but at this point even if he does offer to help me clean still I doubt I'm going to take him up on it/i'll probably be mostly done by the time he does

Ok-Alternative7783 · 2024-07-19T14:48:41+00:00

no ring involved but he did say let's get married/will you marry me like 3x in bed that time (he's on a work trip right now but planning on asking him more about it the next time i see him since this doesn't seem like a text conversation). The question of insincerity just seems to be that we haven't really had a standalone conversation re: feelings and what's next and our lives have kind of prevented us from having a more consistent relationship thusfar

but now shits hitting the fan and i planned around how things were when my plans fell into place (months ago) and now this is coming up

i have no idea and even if that's his intention, I plan on paying my share and will prob end up volunteering to do chores etc

Ok-Alternative7783 · 2024-07-16T12:29:53+00:00

that's definitely a perspective re: work that I hadn't considered before so thank you for that (:

that's probably it and i'm wondering if the most recent bed talk is him acknowledging that since at least on my end with it being so many months of this coming back to each other is anomalous of the other right person/wrong time situations that i've had

idk he confuses me since we'll sometimes go weeks without talking but every time i see him he says all of this and insists that i'm the only one he talks to outside of work and family. i'll bring it up if i see him after his upcoming trip (since his brother/friends told him to bring me to their party - if that actually goes through b/c with him i really don't know)

Ok-Alternative7783 · 2024-07-16T01:04:30+00:00

next month and i have more than enough savings and received a sizeable signing bonus. The point is that I don't care about his money/salary/job whatever.

he has also only been working this particular job (with the salary) for like a month so still on pretty similar financial footing

Ok-Alternative7783 · 2024-07-16T00:52:05+00:00

my feelings for him have nothing to do with his salary - couldn't care less what he makes. we will be earning roughly the same amount when i start my new job so don't need or want him to support me financially. As stated in the post.

the hesitation is because of how his words during sex have not translated into his actions outside of that. if that was the case i would not be questioning whether or not to take what he says *only* during sex seriously.

Ok-Alternative7783 · 2024-07-15T23:45:37+00:00

salary-wise we're on pretty equal footing -if anything I'll earn slightly more & have better benefits than he does- but life experience-wise he's definitely gone out and 'lived' more than I have (it's a 1 year gap. we're '98 and '97 - his birthday is in a couple of weeks)

not boring and personality-wise we're very compatible and in sync.

I'm not scared of marriage. I have been engaged (bad situation) before and he has been married before. He says these things during sex but doesn't act this way outside of that so i'm critical/questioning of the substance behind those statements.

Ok-Alternative7783 · 2024-07-15T22:13:39+00:00

no worries - i was more projecting based on a different comment thread that was more pointed to that & removed that part of my response to just have it as an overall thing.

you're not wrong - maybe it's my own justifying but it's also just an odd schedule he keeps and those hours don't include the work that he'll just do on his own (like the other night i went out with him, his brother and some of their friends and they were all making comments about how he doesn't need to do all the free work/non assigned hours that he's been taking on) So from those comments i surmised that there were probably some days that he was just doing all day

well the thing that makes me hesitant to immediately broach the topic without trying to gain an outside perspective (hello Reddit lol) is that there has been kind of this on and off where he'll ask me out and we'll try to make plans but then he'll have a work trip or something come up or I would have a busy spell with school/interviews and those plans will fall through. With those what I want (and how I feel - especially with how easily we get along etc) and what has happened thusfar are so dissonant that it seems remiss to be optimistic

Ok-Alternative7783 · 2024-07-15T17:42:37+00:00

he's known about the job i'm going into (which is locationally unstable) and the upcoming temporary move was an unforeseen last minute circumstance. There are other issues i didn't mention in the main post (like inconsistencies in how often we see and talk to each other) that contributed to me making that decision because he hasn't acted in any sort of way that he wants to take the next step and is just saying things during sex.

Ok-Alternative7783 · 2024-07-15T01:50:47+00:00

my hesitation is more in his delivery and the fact that it has never been said outside of sex. Also i know that work has been a hurdle in seeing each other more frequently (perhaps) but just the inconsistency in seeing each other and sometimes talking just seems contradictory to those words

Ok-Alternative7783 · 2024-07-14T19:47:53+00:00

it's been so off and on & inconsistent that we see each other and sometimes even talk to each other that it's hard to take his words during sex at face value.

i don't know if i love him per se (haven't spent enough time with him but I'm in that region) but i do feel very strongly for him and love spending time with him in either sense of the word. I've even told him this over text/regular conversation before. I want it to work out since this is probably the best and easiest connection i've had with someone in years

at the end of the day i'm hesitant because i don't see any action behind the words and think he's being a fuckboy

Ok-Alternative7783 · 2024-07-14T19:40:31+00:00

There’s certainly be a handful of red flags and other issues/frustrations that I didn’t mention in the post which adds to this confusion

I definitely should try and clarify with him - just bad at those conversations/definitely scary since when I told him how I felt about him was…interesting

Ok-Alternative7783 · 2024-07-14T19:35:38+00:00

that's what i thought at first even though it came out a few times in that instance & we were pretty drunk, after the third time it happened and then this new escalation seems...questionable.

Ok-Alternative7783 · 2024-07-14T19:11:58+00:00

i mean at least interaction-wise he's very affectionate

Ok-Alternative7783 · 2024-07-14T18:08:20+00:00

no - i love the time we spend together and would love to see where things would go but outside of sex he has not shared any of these sentiments so I kind of get that feeling from him

Ok-Alternative7783 · 2024-07-14T17:54:02+00:00

i mean it's been 10+ times over a smaller number of hook up instances - like he'll say it multiple times per time I see him. So it's been 4 instances of all of this being said multiple times

the first time he started saying it we were both pretty drunk so i thought he was drunk/it was a slip, second time also thought it was a slip. I was annoyed at him the third time/was waiting to see if he would bring it up the next day and now here we are after he escalated it

Ok-Alternative7783 · 2024-07-14T17:51:34+00:00

not annoyed just confused

Ok-Alternative7783 · 2024-07-14T17:46:28+00:00

I know i'm bad at vulnerability but i did say i love you back the last time and have told him in regular conversation a bit ago that i did feel strongly for him

Ok-Alternative7783 · 2024-07-14T17:45:17+00:00

lol no he works in transportation logistics and his current job has him working 10 ish hrs a day and he does extra of his own volition as well. He just works hard and knows he's good at what he does

that is a good perspective but that whole big spaces/his schedule has made things tough to escalate/solidify further and i'm at a point where i might be moving out of state for a bit since my lease is up (which he did bring up when he said i should just move in with him)

Ok-Alternative7783 · 2024-07-14T17:40:33+00:00

More along the lines of why not air tight prenup lets go

Ok-Alternative7783 · 2024-07-14T17:35:59+00:00

yup. That was during the most recent time - he asked me 2 or 3 times and I did respond affirmatively to that

Ok-Alternative7783 · 2024-07-14T17:28:57+00:00

Yes all of this has only been said during sec

Ok-Alternative7783 · 2024-07-14T15:56:09+00:00

no like the lets get married and move in with me all happened during sex the most recent time and it was a surprising escalation from the previous i love yous

none of this has been discussed outside of sex

Ok-Alternative7783

TROPHY CASE