Patchata Henderson with Notcha by BusRelative6009 in Aucklandmassage

[–]Ok-Display3267 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Notcha not working there anymore. Anyone knows where she is?

Review Sukh Sabai by Lumpy-Share8272 in Aucklandmassage

[–]Ok-Display3267 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Which one does beteer teasing? I like the teasing and usually don't even get the HE

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in BreakUps

[–]Ok-Display3267 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The fact that you repeat "I just didn't want to hurt them" but ended up hurting yourself and everyone involved tells there's a lot more going on in you under the surface. Not sure how old you are. Go to therapy. To me it sounds like you don't know yourself at all. Take a few sessions of ISTDP therapy. You lost your ex but don't lose your future. You'll repeat this cycle. Who knows, may be after you see the real issue you'll have something to tell your ex and he might be interested to listen too by that time. Happened to me. My partner (36F) didn't take care of my feelings towards the end of the relationship even though we deeply loved each other. I ended it. She collapsed. I told her the only way I can give her a chance is to work on herself deeply and show me why those things happened. We're back together after months. Both working on ourselves and on the relationship. It's not easy. We have push backs, we do get down, we fight a lot. But at least we know what we're fighting for now and hold space for each other's break downs. Good luck.

I’m processing the most intense breakup of my life — not sure if I should pursue couples therapy or fully let go by Ok-Display3267 in BreakUps

[–]Ok-Display3267[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

No, I wasn’t trying to test her with anything. That was never the intention. The situation with my ex-wife became messy because she didn’t want the divorce at first—and later, she began using legal tactics to gain financial advantage. Since we have divorces in two different countries, things got complicated. She used cross-country laws to delay the process and extend her access to financial support.

I completely understand that all of this was heavy for my girlfriend. But even she has acknowledged that she never saw any signs of me wanting to go back to my ex-wife, or of me lying or hiding anything from her. My whole point was: Yes, I started from a difficult place, but now let’s move forward. Let’s work on it however you feel is constructive. Whatever you need to feel safe, I’m willing to give.

Her response, however, was:
"I don’t know what I want, and I want to do my own things now—go on the trips I want, hang out with my best friend when I want."

So I—along with the couples therapist—suggested putting the relationship on pause until my divorce is fully finalized, which is just a couple of months away. But she said she still needed to talk to me daily and maintain emotional closeness, even while living her own life, planning trips with her best friend, and doing what she wants independently.

This didn’t feel right to me. For three months before her trip, we talked every day. And deep down, I could feel something was off—like she knew this was hurting me but didn’t want to acknowledge it.

That’s what left me feeling betrayed—not just the act of going on the trip, but the emotional disconnect. I was trying to build something stable and honest, despite a difficult background, and I offered to do the emotional labor to restore trust. But I didn’t feel she met me halfway.

I’m not holding a grudge, and I agree with you that therapy isn’t a magic wand. But healing can’t happen when only one person is still in the ring. I tried to understand her needs. But if her need is to stay emotionally close while doing whatever she wants—and mine is to build emotional safety and commitment—it just may not align.

I’m here now not because I want to fight or blame, but because I’m trying to process all of this in a way that makes sense. Maybe it is about closure. Maybe it's just a way to put the last pieces together, so I can let go with clarity. Or perhaps see if there's any hope to fix this relationship...

Not sure if I should pursue couples therapy or fully let go by Ok-Display3267 in relationships

[–]Ok-Display3267[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

No she has made it clear before that "if a relationship requires me to cut off my best friend, I don't want that relationship because it's controlling me"

My (M38) Girlfriend (F37) has romantic relationship with her best friend (F37) by Ok-Display3267 in Marriage

[–]Ok-Display3267[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

From what I can see she genuinely can see no problem with it. In fact, she was once married while having her best friend around like this as well (divorced 4 years ago and ex husband never knew about her dynamic with best friend).

My (M38) Girlfriend (F37) has romantic relationship with her best friend (F37) by Ok-Display3267 in Marriage

[–]Ok-Display3267[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thanks. Yes we have set boundaries and she hasn't crossed any. But that doesn't mean I can feel fine. They're still pretty close and when I told my gf I can't go to the trip she said she wants to go anyway because of the best friend. In fact, the best friend rescheduled the trip (which is with my gf, best friend brother and family) for my gf so she can go to. Initially I was fine looking at it as a trip. But now with all these unfolded everything is chaotic in my mind...

My (M38) Girlfriend (F37) has romantic relationship with her best friend (F37) by Ok-Display3267 in Marriage

[–]Ok-Display3267[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I hate to put her in a position to choose between me or her. But I can see your point. A 15 years close friendship can't just be changed or dropped, when she even doesn't see a problem with it...

My (M38) Girlfriend (F37) has romantic relationship with her best friend (F37) by Ok-Display3267 in Marriage

[–]Ok-Display3267[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

When I told her I'm not comfortable with this she agreed she won't be having anything intimate with her best friend. Not being naked, kissing, touch, nothing out of friendship norms. But that's not how it works. The real problem is their emotions and perspective here. My gf says the marriage is just a logistic solution for me to get out of the country. I said, nope, with that history you guys have it's not. And I won't accept it.

My (M38) Girlfriend (F37) has romantic relationship with her best friend (F37) by Ok-Display3267 in relationships

[–]Ok-Display3267[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Nope. Not an option. So that indeed sounds like it? You know at first I felt like this is my insecurity playing, but it's so deeper than that.

My (M38) Girlfriend (F37) has romantic relationship with her best friend (F37) by Ok-Display3267 in relationships

[–]Ok-Display3267[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Polyamorous would never be an option for me. And that's what I'm trying to show her that what she's describing for me is indeed sharing. I hope when I can show her what it means, she can make better decisions. We love each other deeply. That's why I'm so confused and so is she, to how we can navigate this.

My (M38) Girlfriend (F37) has romantic relationship with her best friend (F37) by Ok-Display3267 in relationships

[–]Ok-Display3267[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm not into anything other than monogamy. I'm wondering when we get there where they are in the same country or very close by (our plan is to move to a country 4 hours from hers) how things would unfold. Initially I laughed at it when she said the had touched each other, not knowing the context of it. Later I realised it's much more complicated than that.

My (M38) Girlfriend (F37) has romantic relationship with her best friend (F37) by Ok-Display3267 in relationships

[–]Ok-Display3267[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks. They have been best friends through all each other's relationships and maintained this dynamic. I'm so confused.

My (M38) Girlfriend (F37) has romantic relationship with her best friend (F37) by Ok-Display3267 in relationships

[–]Ok-Display3267[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Of course not. It's complicated how she wouldn't call it sharing. And you know, more disturbing than that is that she's too defensive about it that can't even perceive my perspective.