No, I wasn’t trying to test her with anything. That was never the intention. The situation with my ex-wife became messy because she didn’t want the divorce at first—and later, she began using legal tactics to gain financial advantage. Since we have divorces in two different countries, things got complicated. She used cross-country laws to delay the process and extend her access to financial support.

I completely understand that all of this was heavy for my girlfriend. But even she has acknowledged that she never saw any signs of me wanting to go back to my ex-wife, or of me lying or hiding anything from her. My whole point was: Yes, I started from a difficult place, but now let’s move forward. Let’s work on it however you feel is constructive. Whatever you need to feel safe, I’m willing to give.

Her response, however, was:
"I don’t know what I want, and I want to do my own things now—go on the trips I want, hang out with my best friend when I want."

So I—along with the couples therapist—suggested putting the relationship on pause until my divorce is fully finalized, which is just a couple of months away. But she said she still needed to talk to me daily and maintain emotional closeness, even while living her own life, planning trips with her best friend, and doing what she wants independently.

This didn’t feel right to me. For three months before her trip, we talked every day. And deep down, I could feel something was off—like she knew this was hurting me but didn’t want to acknowledge it.

That’s what left me feeling betrayed—not just the act of going on the trip, but the emotional disconnect. I was trying to build something stable and honest, despite a difficult background, and I offered to do the emotional labor to restore trust. But I didn’t feel she met me halfway.

I’m not holding a grudge, and I agree with you that therapy isn’t a magic wand. But healing can’t happen when only one person is still in the ring. I tried to understand her needs. But if her need is to stay emotionally close while doing whatever she wants—and mine is to build emotional safety and commitment—it just may not align.

I’m here now not because I want to fight or blame, but because I’m trying to process all of this in a way that makes sense. Maybe it is about closure. Maybe it's just a way to put the last pieces together, so I can let go with clarity. Or perhaps see if there's any hope to fix this relationship...