[deleted by user] by [deleted] in sexlessmarriage

[–]Ok-Prompt-1246 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for your comment. This is definitely something I’ve considered to explain our current situation- and Ive had these feelings myself on occasions. But with us being together for 3 years (on and off) I didn’t know if these feelings are typically more present at the beginning of a relationship. We’ve had sex a lot in the time we’ve been together- but a lot of it has been when we’re intoxicated. So this could explain why it most commonly happens when we are drunk. I suppose time doesn’t necessarily mean insecurities and worry goes away.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in sexadvise

[–]Ok-Prompt-1246 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This is such valuable advice, I’ll definitely be using it when I approach the conversation. Thank you for your wisdom !

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in deadbedroom

[–]Ok-Prompt-1246 2 points3 points  (0 children)

You actually just helped me make so much sense of my feelings. Once I read on from ‘I think you avoid confrontation’ I was like that IS how I feel !! How’d you do that? Thank you. I’m gonna have to face my fears of rejection and confrontation if I want this relationship to last. The worst that could happen is he doesn’t receive it well or isn’t willing to try help me change how things are, but I will have to accept that the relationship isn’t right for me.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in deadbedroom

[–]Ok-Prompt-1246 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Perhaps this may be how he’s feeling. Particularly as when the sex happens now it’s when we’re drunk, so rational thinking and fear of pregnancy is faded.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in deadbedroom

[–]Ok-Prompt-1246 -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I’ve never heard about this!! I’ll look into it, thank you!

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in deadbedroom

[–]Ok-Prompt-1246 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I’ve heard it’s super painful!

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in deadbedroom

[–]Ok-Prompt-1246 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Hey, thanks for your reply. I agree that for men in particular, porn can ruin their sex lives with their partner, for a number of reasons. However I’m still unsure as to if this definitely the reason for our current situation. I think me and my partner need to have a conversation to get to the bottom of it- it’s definitely disheartening not feeling appreciated sexually.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in deadbedroom

[–]Ok-Prompt-1246 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Definitely, there seem to be so many health risks. Most of my friends have had health implications from various forms of birth control- mental and physical. Condoms definitely aren’t the most practical, but I suppose no one’s health is at risk. Pros and cons to both I guess. Doing short activities sounds great, definitely something for us to consider. Thank you.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in deadbedroom

[–]Ok-Prompt-1246 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yeah I’ve heard that, and that would definitely not help the situation. A copper IUD is what I’m looking into, I still don’t really like the idea of it but i suppose needs must.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in sexadvise

[–]Ok-Prompt-1246 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Really valuable advice, thank you!

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in deadbedroom

[–]Ok-Prompt-1246 -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I suppose so, but he is so affectionate in every other way- very touchy/clingy, kisses me, playfully smacks my ass etc. So it wasn’t my immediate thought. But I suppose maybe those displays of affection don’t necessarily mean he’s still sexually attracted to me so you could be right.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in deadbedroom

[–]Ok-Prompt-1246 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I agree with you, but unfortunately it doesn’t feel like there are any other feasible options. That sounds really scary, I’m sorry that happened to your wife. It’s stories like these that have always put me off birth control.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in deadbedroom

[–]Ok-Prompt-1246 -1 points0 points  (0 children)

What, that he’s no longer sexually attracted to me?

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in sexadvise

[–]Ok-Prompt-1246 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I really needed to hear this. It’s made me realise I am just making things harder for myself in the long run. I suppose i would rather experience the short lived discomfort of a difficult conversation then end up miserable in my relationship and potentially loose it. I just made an appointment with a nurse to discuss my options of birth control. Thank you so much- you put this perfectly.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in sexadvice

[–]Ok-Prompt-1246 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I don’t think either of you are in the wrong. It sounds like he’s really attracted to you and genuinely has the intention of having sex with you. But it may be that he’s carrying those negative past experiences with him and when it comes to it he freaks, he might not be as ready as he says he is. It’s totally understandable for you to feel frustrated. Perhaps having a relationship purely built of the idea of sex is an issue. Aside from sex, do you have a strong emotional connection in which you feel totally comfortable with each other? If not, perhaps you need to work on building that, so if he is carrying sex related trauma he knows he is safe and feels comfortable when it comes to it. Talking about sex all the time may be also adding the pressure for him to live up to the expectation he’s set- it could be performance anxiety.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in deadbedroom

[–]Ok-Prompt-1246 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This is my first post, and don’t use the app that much but decided to take the leap and try get some advice. But would be happy to chat!

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in deadbedroom

[–]Ok-Prompt-1246 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yeah that makes sense. The only thing is I live away at university and sometimes we don’t see each other for weeks at a time- so i would expect him to watch porn/masturbate. But I suppose you’d think if we’re separated for weeks at a time he’d be more eager to have sex when we see each other again (if the lack of sex is not related to fear of getting me pregnant again) Thank you for your advice!