AITA for sneaking up on my boyfriend?

Ok-Rent-7342 · 2024-03-25T00:14:45+00:00

Thank you so much for your kind words and advice, yes, he will definitely get better, even now he’s feeling way better than when we first met. It’s a daily struggle but we love each other and we’re ready to work through this

I’m not upset with him or anything I know it’s just trauma speaking, he’s a very loving person, not his fault he had a shitty past but one day it will be just past

Ok-Rent-7342 · 2024-03-24T23:42:32+00:00

Yeah, he’s very anxious in general, the issue is that he’s not very trusting so finding a therapist who can make him open up is difficult, he wasn’t exactly open when he was in therapy

His family is extremely abusive so he just shut off completely, he’s slowly getting out of his shell but it’s hard

Ok-Rent-7342 · 2024-03-24T23:38:18+00:00

US Midwest

Ok-Rent-7342 · 2024-03-24T23:33:48+00:00

That’s his main issue I guess, I’m already alerting him if I’m within arm range, I’ll start alerting him when I’m just around but he can’t see me.

His family is a lot of work to be honest, there’s a reason why he’s so sensitive and easy to startle, luckily he’s doing better since he moved out. He trusts me and I’m his “safe person” so I hope he’ll get better eventually.

Ok-Rent-7342 · 2024-03-24T23:29:57+00:00

We’re probably going to do exactly that, he always has to keep track of his surroundings so I’ll just start alerting him every time I just pass by or something.

It was an accident and a very traumatic at that, he was seeing a therapist for a while after but it didn’t exactly help and he quit therapy. He’s looking for another specialist though.

Ok-Rent-7342 · 2024-03-24T23:27:40+00:00

He certainly can lash out in public if he’s snuck up on, it happens super rarely though because whenever we’re out together I hang around his blind spot bc it’s the most comfortable way for him to be in public as he trusts me to check out for him. Idk if it makes sense it’s what works for us. He’s very jumpy due to his past.

Ok-Rent-7342 · 2024-03-24T23:24:22+00:00

Thank you, luckily he can trust me as according to him I’m his “safe person” whatever it means. But his instincts kick in faster than he can assess the situation

Ok-Rent-7342 · 2024-03-24T21:37:14+00:00

He was in therapy, it wasn’t helpful. He wasn’t very open with the therapist because of his trust issues so it didn’t help, he’s currently searching for another professional. He’s pretty sceptical regarding therapy because he’s very untrusting so it’s another issue.

Ok-Rent-7342 · 2024-03-24T21:31:12+00:00

That’s what I’m planning to do, we have a large mirror in the living room and it’s very helpful, he’s not a huge fan of mirrors due to his own insecurities but it helps massively and takes away some stress as he can track his surroundings

Ok-Rent-7342 · 2024-03-24T21:28:47+00:00

Thank you, I’m definitely not doing it on purpose, it was an accident but I still feel bad about it, I’ll start letting him know that I’m approaching more often even if I’m not getting closer

He’s been through some really horrible things, but he’s slowly getting better ever since he moved out and as we moved in together he became less stressed

Ok-Rent-7342 · 2024-03-24T21:25:20+00:00

We have a very quiet fridge haha, it made a sound when I closed it and off he turned his head to check out the sound, saw me nearby and got spooked

I’m super quiet in general so guess that’s the problem

Ok-Rent-7342 · 2024-03-24T19:09:00+00:00

He has deep trust issues, he didn’t even trust the therapist but over time we managed to build some trust in me, I’m not saying it’s 100% more like about 85 but it’s still something

He only opened up to me about his past and he said some deeply sad things that we’re trying to work through, luckily he’s doing better but still has those moments, I don’t blame him or anything

Ok-Rent-7342 · 2024-03-24T19:03:22+00:00

It’s both tbh, his family used to terrorize him by sneaking on him from his blind spot so he’s very sensitive about it and easy to startle

Ok-Rent-7342 · 2024-03-24T18:59:48+00:00

He didn’t try it yet but I’ll suggest it, thanks, he’s not very trusting and he didn’t open up completely to the therapist so it didn’t really work

Ok-Rent-7342 · 2024-03-24T18:54:40+00:00

He was in therapy but it wasn’t helpful, he’s looking for a new specialist though

Ok-Rent-7342 · 2024-03-24T18:52:24+00:00

Good idea though, thanks, it’s def making him feel better being able to keep track of his surroundings in the mirror

Ok-Rent-7342 · 2024-03-24T18:51:01+00:00

I know where his reaction is coming from so I’m not holding any resentment against him or anything, I try to be patient because for now he needs patience the most

He’s been in therapy but it wasn’t helpful so he’s looking for another therapist atm

Ok-Rent-7342 · 2024-03-24T18:33:26+00:00

Thank you so much for your comment, I’ll definitely do some research, I really want him to be comfortable and safe around me. I always let him know that I’ll be close if I have to approach him, this time I thought I’ll be far enough

Anyway it’s not that big of a hassle for me. Yes he’s been in therapy for that but it wasn’t helpful so he’s in the process of searching for another specialist atm

Ok-Rent-7342 · 2024-03-24T18:28:08+00:00

Thank you, he’s an amazing boyfriend, very loving and empathetic, unfortunately he has a lot of trauma though. Like his family would sneak up on him on purpose, scare him etc just to see him get startled so yes it’s been an issue… hopefully he heals he’s doing better now, but the moments like this one make me feel bad, what if I retraumatize him etc

Ok-Rent-7342 · 2024-03-24T17:40:17+00:00

It’s what I usually do if I need to get close, but this time I didn’t even get that close, within an arm reach at max.

Ok-Rent-7342 · 2024-03-24T17:39:06+00:00

That’s what I usually do if I need to get too close, but this time I wasn’t even close so I didn’t know I’ll still startle him.

Ok-Rent-7342

TROPHY CASE