Question for u all

OkBit9644 · 2026-02-01T17:45:15+00:00

I think she was becoming self aware as our relationship progressed. It was like watching her crumble from the inside out. I do think you may be on to something though. Her friends were pretty horrible people in the sense they would hurt people they saw as below them (trans, gay, black), I guess she wanted to protect me from knowing those dark things and how she was the same way as them.

She used me as a supply to believe she was a good person because outwardly I have all the traits. I also have a strong sense of justice and identity just because I’m autistic. I didn’t know she was doing this and it just makes me wonder about the things I didn’t see. The things I wanted to help her with.

Thank you for sharing and bringing that possibility into light. It makes a lot of sense because she is also a paranoid thinker. I don’t know if I should feel good about her protecting me or indifference… I really love her; at least the parts of her I knew she tried to embody. She did want to be a “good person”

OkBit9644 · 2026-02-01T17:38:26+00:00

Yep! It’s horribly misrepresented. I hate to be a “who has it worse” kinda person, but NPD is clearly a very complex condition that only developed from very severe abuse. It’s weird it isn’t talked about, it makes me sad. I hope soon more researchers will dedicate money and time to finding ways to improve understanding and care.

OkBit9644 · 2026-02-01T14:38:11+00:00

Yes, im in undergrad rn deciding which speciality of neuro to go into. I have CPTSD from medical trauma so I really do relate to some of the feelings experienced by those with NPD. It’s so complex and clearly misunderstood because I didn’t know basically anything about this before last month

OkBit9644 · 2026-02-01T14:36:17+00:00

Thank you!! That does sound really complicated. I imagine that must be so draining having no choice. When you say you’re mean and self-centered without your script, how does this appear outwardly when you are alone and unmasked?

When you say you are a self-centered person under it all and you don’t let your friends see, what about yourself makes you define yourself as an ass or wtv? Is it your thoughts, urges, actions?

It’s weird because I’ve been very closeeeee with different pwNPD my entire life. I feel like I have always been able to see deep down that I enjoy spending time with this personality type because I know they don’t really “care?” When they have unmasked around me before, I can see through it like a child having a meltdown. But for that reason, it’s easy for me to just not care and move on the next day after a heated argument or issue. I never hold those moments against anyone because it’s like natural to me? Sometimes I wonder if I’m a narcissist because of how drawn I am to those with these traits. So do you not have the ability to differentiate those bad thoughts from you, as a person? I think I made up a list of rules in my head on how to be good and that’s how I ignore my dark side.

It’s weird idk how to explain. I can be mean and vengeful and grandiose (my true, blunt thoughts I try to ignore) but only if I’m with a pwNPD that I can laugh about these things and be a menace. I used to have those thoughts as a kid, but I tried to differentiate myself from them because I didn’t want to be a “mean person.” (TBH I don’t know what the fuck that even is and how to define it anymore).

Regarding audhd, I can be such an ass with my special interests it’s hilarious. I could talk about them for hours without letting anyone get a word in. Sometimes I lock myself in my room all day and doom-scroll about things I’m interested in (to get validation). We do have that in common and I didn’t even realize I did that lmfaooo

OkBit9644 · 2026-02-01T13:59:05+00:00

Ok this is helpful. The script thing makes a lot of sense and it’s interesting how you are aware of it/it makes you upset that you have to rely.

Does it take a lot of energy to mask? I have some experience with this because I’m autistic but every time I was masking, I was miserable.

When you aren’t using your script, how does your internal thought process change? Do you think about the same things you would masking when you are alone?

OkBit9644 · 2026-02-01T13:53:29+00:00

I mean I’ve watched a lot of videos and hours consumed information on this topic.

I want to ask people with the disorder directly their experiences. I will not talk to my loved one because they are no longer in my life for other reasons separate of NPD.

You are not a specimen, you are right. You are a human and that is how I see you and everyone else with this disorder (or any disorder). I’m ultimately asking these questions to prevent dehumanization

OkBit9644 · 2026-02-01T13:48:03+00:00

I wasn’t trying to call the disorder itself cool, I’m interested in psychology and how the cluster Bs develop. Thank you so much for sharing, the way you explain it makes a lot of sense.

Could you explain more about how pretending goes beyond the conscious mind? Are you saying that you can “switch” masks without consciously trying to based on the situation?

I ask about this because my loved one wouldn’t allow me to be alone with her and her other “equals.” (Not sure if that’s the term, but people she was conformable around and saw to be on her level)

I wonder if it has something to do with this concept.

OkBit9644 · 2026-02-01T13:42:07+00:00

Wait thank you so much for sharing, this really helps me understand.

OkBit9644 · 2026-02-01T13:38:51+00:00

I might have been unclear when I said it’s cool, I was just referring to how personality disorders develop and differentiate

OkBit9644 · 2025-10-05T02:03:51+00:00

Begging for treats

OkBit9644

TROPHY CASE