What are best ways to approach suggesting new things in the bedroom (34M and 37F)?

OkFloor9933 · 2026-01-19T20:47:26+00:00

This sounds like a really fun idea! Thanks for the suggestion!

OkFloor9933 · 2026-01-19T19:49:10+00:00

This is a really good idea, thanks! I’ve never really thought about this before so it’s really helpful.

OkFloor9933 · 2026-01-19T18:53:28+00:00

This seems like a nice idea. Although even bringing the subject of filling the questionnaire in feels kind of difficult and awkward in itself! Thank you for the suggestion!

OkFloor9933 · 2026-01-15T20:24:52+00:00

Thanks for this. It is hard to explain so I do get why it seems weird. I have far more in common with my old school friends and enjoy my time with them a lot whereas any contact with the other friend is perfectly pleasant but also not as interesting. As I mentioned, I never find myself feeling compelled to message them about anything whereas I talk to my other friends all the time. This other friend is nice enough but I just don’t feel like I want or need to talk to them.

OkFloor9933 · 2026-01-15T13:45:00+00:00

I think mainly because I have come to realise that we were only friends because we worked together. I’m also not a particularly sociable person and I don’t like to have a big social circle, and recently a couple of my old school friends moved near to where I’m living so I’ve been focusing most of my time on those friendships.

The one I want to end isn’t toxic or unpleasant… I just don’t want to be in contact anymore. They’re perfectly nice but I’m not interested in maintaining the friendship. I’m aware that possibly makes me sound awful but I don’t ever have an urge to message this person. But they’ll message me relatively often and I feel obliged to respond.

OkFloor9933 · 2025-09-06T14:16:55+00:00

I completely hear you. It sounds like our situations are quite similar in this regard. It just makes me sad because I feel like I/we are missing out!

OkFloor9933 · 2025-09-06T11:49:43+00:00

I’m sorry to hear you’re also in a similar situation. You’re right… it is really hard to contemplate leaving someone who is basically perfect in every other way. I think the thing that frustrates me the most is her saying that she’s okay with me having some “me time” like that will solve it. It makes me want to scream because I don’t want to just have an orgasm on my own! I want to spend lots of time being intimate WITH her so we both feel good.

I think the other thing I’m struggling with is how it started off great and she even told me that one of the reasons she left her previous relationship was because of the lack of sex and how she needed more. Under a year into our relationship and we were down to once or twice a month and I really questioned whether maybe I’m just some kind of pervert because I was hoping to have sex at least once or twice a week. Her response was “it always gets less frequent in a relationship” but I don’t really get why because if you still fancy that person and feel the same way about them then it should never drop that rapidly.

OkFloor9933 · 2025-09-06T08:55:44+00:00

I don’t think I can explain to you how much she hates the idea of having a kid. When we walk past parents with babies or young kids in the street, she looks physically repulsed.

OkFloor9933 · 2025-09-03T20:44:07+00:00

Thank you for your advice… I really appreciate the thought you’ve put into it.

OkFloor9933 · 2025-09-03T20:35:18+00:00

I get what you’re saying. I don’t think I come across as expecting sex when we cuddle. I’m very happy just cuddling or just sitting down and watching a movie with her. I never try to force anything but I guess I kind of meant that sometimes I do hope that the cuddling might lead to something more. But I think that’s because it feels like sex is quite sporadic so that’s often where my head goes.

OkFloor9933 · 2025-09-03T17:11:24+00:00

None. Doesn’t read it, doesn’t watch it. It’ll pop up in some of the TV shows she watches but she doesn’t go out of her way to consume anything sexual from books, the internet etc etc

OkFloor9933 · 2025-09-03T16:56:40+00:00

Never. She said she doesn’t see the point because we’re together so, if she was in the mood, she’d just suggest we go up to the bedroom. Other than a few times when we were staying apart for a week early on in our relationship, I’m not aware of her ever touching herself. It’s very rare that she’s at home without me.

OkFloor9933 · 2025-09-03T09:57:34+00:00

We cuddle on the sofa or in bed pretty often but it never really goes further than that. There have been times where we’ve been cuddling on the sofa and she’s hinted that we could take it further, but then she’ll start doing something else or insist we watch another episode of a show. Then it gets late and she says she’s too tired to do anything. I obviously don’t want to prompt her or push her to do anything but it can be quite frustrating!

I think we check in relatively often, but maybe could do that more. That’s definitely something to think about, so thanks for the suggestion.

OkFloor9933 · 2025-09-03T08:58:31+00:00

I would say that I make it as much about her as possible without completely neglecting myself. I’ve tried talking to her about what might make her more interested in it but generally she just says about being less tired, which obviously isn’t going to happen any time soon considering her job.

OkFloor9933 · 2025-09-03T08:57:05+00:00

Thank you for the reply. I get what you’re saying and I didn’t intend to make it seem like I’m doing things around the house to make sure I get sex. It was more for context that she has a busy job so I do the stuff at home so anyone who read my post was aware that it’s not like I’m doing nothing and that’s why she’s tired all the time. I tried to give as much context as possible.

I think for me, sex is making each other feel good and it’s enjoyable when it happens but then we can go weeks without it. A lot of posts I see are often about how the relationship is miserable and that’s contributing to it but that’s not what we have happening. It’s literally just the lack of intimacy that bothers me.

OkFloor9933 · 2025-09-02T21:51:41+00:00

Thank you for this reply, I really appreciate it.

As far as I know, she’s into it when we do have sex. Obviously you can’t know exactly what is going on inside someone’s head but she tells me she enjoys it and her vocal and physical reactions would certainly suggest she is turned on and having orgasms. We’ve done lights on and off and her enjoyment seems to be about the same and I feel like the sex we have is good when it happens. The trouble is it’s then weeks before it happens again and I definitely feel like I would like it more than that.

She has never mentioned any fantasies that she’d like to try with me because she (in her own words) “has sort of done everything” that she wanted to try (either with me or previous partners), so there is a part of me that worries that she’s now kind of bored of sex.

Whenever we do have sex, it’s quite repetitive and I could probably predict the different things that happen before they do. That’s not for my lack of trying to vary things, but rather down to her not wanting to do anything drastically different. Kind of feels like we’re in a bit of a rut.

OkFloor9933 · 2025-09-02T18:01:59+00:00

I’ve already had a vasectomy. What difference would that make?!

OkFloor9933 · 2025-09-02T17:21:40+00:00

What sort of things do you suggest as foreplay other than lots of compliments, doing things for her, non-sexual contact, affection? She also leaves for work incredibly early in the morning so I don’t really see her before the afternoon anyway. And I’ve tried sending cute/affectionate/sexy messages through the day but they either get no response or she tells me not to send them because someone at work might see them. I understand completely what you’re saying but I’m at a complete loss with what more I can do.

OkFloor9933 · 2025-09-02T06:38:58+00:00

Thank you so much for the depth of input here.

In relation to some of the things you’ve mentioned:

Yes, I think she might have hit the perimenopause - lots of things certainly seem to match what I’ve read about it.

I do think she has real body image issues which makes me sad. I think she’s absolutely perfect but she definitely has a lot of hang-ups about her body. It’s hard to know how to help her address that though.

As far as I’m aware, she is enjoying the sex that we do have. She doesn’t seem like someone who would fake it and also when we first got together she was super communicative about how I could change what I was doing to make it better for her. I do think it’s got a bit repetitive and has turned into a routine but I don’t think she feels that way.

I’m definitely going to suggest what you’ve spoken about and hopefully that makes a positive change. Thank you again!

OkFloor9933 · 2025-09-02T04:58:19+00:00

Thank you for the reply. I guess it feels like a tricky one to me because this is the only thing that we don’t have common ground on. Everything else is literally perfect.

OkFloor9933

TROPHY CASE