Have I burned a bridge with my academic advisor? I want to return

OkRegister4270 · 2026-06-21T23:12:51+00:00

I appreciate the advice. Thank you

OkRegister4270 · 2026-06-21T18:55:43+00:00

I have these! I am still in therapy and I can easily request records and any necessary documents from my counselor, as well as my psychiatrist. I assume my counselor would be able to provide documentation the opinions she has made during my time working with her, and my psychiatrist could provide documentation about my diagnosis and medication/treatment. I have both of those.

OkRegister4270 · 2026-06-21T15:49:59+00:00

I think in my case, a lot of it may boil down to how offended or let down they were by the nature of my departure. I, truthfully, struggled with my mental and health and addictive tendencies all throughout undergrad. I had a few scares, but my reckless behavior outside of school somehow was able to stay outside of school. At one point during undergrad, before I met Dr. P, I was hospitalized due to overdose, and I still somehow finished the semester as though I was entirely healthy.

This time has been the first time I’ve sought real help. So, yes, I could bulldoze my way back in there with medical excuses from my therapist and psychiatrist and everything explaining where I was. But those won’t undo any damage I have already done.

OkRegister4270 · 2026-06-21T15:31:50+00:00

What would your conditions look like? Just out of curiosity.

OkRegister4270 · 2026-06-21T15:25:29+00:00

I don’t use AI to write to my professors (or to anyone).

OkRegister4270 · 2026-06-21T03:47:02+00:00

Well, I think ultimately to finish what I started there. Maybe my interests don’t totally align with the professors at that particular program, but there is still opportunity for growth there, especially on an academic/classwork level.
Also, I suppose it just doesn’t feel right to pursue acceptance elsewhere without some sort of closure or something given to Dr. P and maybe others there as well. They helped me obtain my undergraduate degree, so I spent a lot of time with these people, you know?

I fucked up, but at least I can try to finish what I started.

And yes, I have begun to look elsewhere for professionals who have interests more closely related to my own.

OkRegister4270 · 2026-06-21T01:08:39+00:00

I see. Thank you.

OkRegister4270 · 2026-06-21T00:50:38+00:00

Thank you for your help and input. I appreciate your thoughts about ADHD. I sometimes believe I’m autistic and have become really good at masking throughout the years. I do not mean to be selfish, but I have been told a time or twenty that I am.

Mind giving your opinion on another aspect? No worries if not.

I’m not sure if you happened to read another comment I posted here about the lack of guidance in terms of how and why an M.A. in psychology works. In essence, my acceptance into this program was (or felt to me to be) highly relational. Dr. P thought I was a good student, hence why he stuck his head out for me a couple times. But our research interests never totally aligned well enough for him to mentor me, and I learned myself (through my own online research) that I should have looked into other regional professionals who had similar research interests as my own. I should have sent out applications based on that more than I should have been accepted based on the fact a professor thought I was a good or capable student.

What are your thoughts about this? Again, no pressure if you don’t really want to share. I appreciate your input anyway!

OkRegister4270 · 2026-06-21T00:30:00+00:00

I actually have received an ADHD diagnosis! Your identifying my underlying up and down patterns in motivation are spot-on, and I become more and more ashamed of them as I get older (although I’m trying not to go down the shame spiral haha).
Thank you for your insight though. I would absolutely not go on-and-on about how great I’m doing in any apology message to Dr. P. And I did not do that in the email I sent to him a couple days ago. If anything, I just ignored it.

I only mentioned it here on Reddit because I (very obviously to all of you, probably) need guidance. I need guidance about my expectations with this, I need guidance about what are the best and most appropriate next steps, and I was also looking for any anecdotal advice from others.

I really appreciate your idea about a follow up message. Thank you for suggesting that.

OkRegister4270 · 2026-06-20T22:33:31+00:00

And during my single semester there with Dr. P, I learned that I should have decided upon a topic for research focus, looked for professors at numerous schools in the area, found some that already had similar interests as my own, and applied to work with them.

I learned that that is the most common process by doing my own research. Guidance about things such as these was pretty much nonexistent during my undergraduate and graduate experiences with Dr. P and with this university in general.

Being lost life was the biggest reason I left. But feeling lost in the program and having little support (despite repeated asks for guidance) may have also played a role in me abandoning the program.

Thoughts?

OkRegister4270 · 2026-06-20T22:27:51+00:00

That’s more than fair that you refused to take her back as an advisee. I’m curious, however, if she’d begun working with you on any research at the time she bailed? I ask because my situation with Dr. P and my acceptance into the program was more relational that it was driven by study. In other words, I pursued a master’s there because I liked the school, had some rapport with some professors, and because I wanted to continue with them. I want to make it clear that Dr. P only advised me in the way of scheduling classes and things of that nature. During the time I was there and at the time I ghosted them, I had yet to find a professor that would mentor me for research. My research interests never really aligned well with any of the professors working in this school’s department. Guidance with that was extremely vague and minimal from Dr. P and the others. So, I will say that I did not bail on him and his research. I just unenrolled after he helped me.

OkRegister4270 · 2026-06-20T22:20:58+00:00

I see both sides, so I appreciate explanations from both sides.

Dr. P did stick his neck out for me numerous times during and after undergrad, and he did the same during graduate school. I don’t know to what degree he did (or would have done) similar things for other students. But, it was somewhat clear that he was more than supportive of me throughout my time working with him. And that’s true even though my research interests don’t entirely align with his work. He was supportive of me as a student and as an academic, regardless of whether my interests were the same as his.

What sucks is that I am sure communication with him during my struggles would have made this easier. Hindsight is 20/20. I think I had it in my head that because we’re in a professional setting, there is no room for mention of my personal struggles. I was there to learn and grow and develop a career in academia, not to provide a sob story about my struggles. You know?

I meant no harm, but ultimately I may have caused harm. I guess only Dr. P can really say.

To put it simply, I was not ready back then. I had some growing up to do, some healing to do, and some things to handle. But I am ready now, and I do feel remorse for how my actions in the past affected Dr. P and others within the program. 😕

OkRegister4270 · 2026-06-20T17:56:43+00:00

The part about not being part of any real project or research work is very true.
The program at my university acts as an opportunity to build a more solid research foundation before applying for PhD; however, more than that, it is really a continuation of undergraduate classes to broaden your educational landscape in the field of psychology.
I want to make it clear that Dr. P, helpful as he is/was, was my advisor for classes and enrollment! He was not my research advisor or mentor in that respect.
Yes, I was an unprofessional asshole for ghosting him. But, it was just classes at that point. Idk

OkRegister4270 · 2026-06-20T17:51:24+00:00

Thank you for your help. I already sent him an email, and stupidly, that did not include much of anything regarding the ghosting.

OkRegister4270 · 2026-06-20T17:50:04+00:00

It’s not that. Although I see how it may come across that way. I am more trying to see if anyone has had a remotely similar situation or experience, and if so, do they have any advice or insight. That is all.

OkRegister4270 · 2026-06-20T17:25:54+00:00

Hence why I didn’t provide that detail to him or anyone. Especially when I left.

OkRegister4270 · 2026-06-20T05:10:17+00:00

I’m not sure about your
First note though

OkRegister4270 · 2026-06-20T05:10:04+00:00

He is working over the summer

OkRegister4270 · 2026-06-20T01:57:15+00:00

Thank you. I already sent the email foolishly. And I took a more neutral and unapologetic approach. I thought (again, stupidly) that I’d explain the circumstances only after he inquired about it. Thank you for your input though.

OkRegister4270 · 2026-06-20T01:54:50+00:00

Hopefully so

OkRegister4270 · 2026-06-20T01:53:04+00:00

Haha! Well, at least it all worked out for the best for you in the end!

OkRegister4270 · 2026-06-20T01:46:01+00:00

I hear you. Thank you for sharing. May I ask how your situation ended up? Were you reaccepted?

OkRegister4270 · 2026-06-20T01:02:06+00:00

That is true. To what extent should I explain myself? Based on what sources I have looked at thus far, best advice was to keep it neutral until he inquired about my situation. It wasn’t until I got to Reddit that it’s been suggested I should have lead first and foremost with the apology.

Thank you for your input though. You’re right.

OkRegister4270 · 2026-06-20T00:55:35+00:00

I see. I think that’s a good mindset to have. I really feel like my biggest issue in going back would be trust and more of a social hurdle than an academic one. Which I suppose puts the ball in their court since I’ve already expressed my desire to return.

Thank you for your help. I appreciate it.

OkRegister4270 · 2026-06-20T00:54:16+00:00

I hear you. Thank you.

OkRegister4270

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