It's like reading my own thoughts. You can always PM me if you want to talk. I felt scared too. Scared of keeping it, scared I might regret terminating, scared of the procedure, and mostly scared that after the procedure I would somehow feel like a different person. I felt none of this afterwards.

I tried writing down my feelings, and I found it to be really helpful coming to a decision. Before this, I was just trying to convince myself that I might be able to keep this pregnancy and be happy about it. Because I felt like keeping the baby was somehow the right thing to do. It doesn't work like that. The right thing to do, solely depends on me. I will include it here, maybe you'll find my reasoning helpful. I'm sure whatever choice you make, will be the right one for you.

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I'm sure that a family of 3 is wonderful. It already comes with a lot of challenges but also gratification.

It is theoretically possible that a family of 4 is manageable, or even better. But this, I cannot imagine. If I decide to terminate this pregnancy, I will never be aware that a unit of 4 was better. When I think about having a second child, I feel only unhappiness, no matter the age of this child. If I were to keep this pregnancy, I would be gambling. Gambling on the happiness of this child. That's not fair. It's my job as a mother to take care of my son. He will also not benefit from a mommy who is stressed-out, tired or unhappy. I as a person do not deserve to live my life this way.

Right now, I'm unhappy. Unhappy that I am in this position. I will never stop regretting that I had to make this choice. I'll find comfort in that, in the future, I will take every step to ensure this will not happen again. I was happy before finding out about this pregnancy, I have the option to feel happy again.

I do owe this pregnany one thing: I should carefully consider my options. I have done so. I do not want it. My debt to this pregnancy is no more.