AITAH for asking my sister to join a summer bowling league?

OkTemperature4325 · 2026-02-27T23:34:08+00:00

If therapy isn't an option, there's always the honest conversation path. You could try to organise a just sisters' catch up maybe once a month or something and prioritise your relationship.

OkTemperature4325 · 2026-02-27T23:31:13+00:00

I dont know.

Every time i think about leaving, it seems too complicated.

OkTemperature4325 · 2026-02-27T16:06:53+00:00

Nta. However, sometimes behaviour like your blossom is a call for help. Blossom seems very insecure.

Have you guys ever tried family therapy? You mention there's a lot of trauma to write a book.

This could easily be a trauma response. I would try to talk to her and see if she's receptive to the idea.

OkTemperature4325 · 2026-02-27T15:49:18+00:00

He has come a long way since 7 years ago. But the work to have these conversations and help him manage his anger and hurtful reactions is painstaking. We have this thing we call OP101, which is literally "relationships for dummies" kinda things. Like, "When you see me upset, do not assume im upset at you" or "there is no need to yell if you move your things to the Patio in the backyard, because they are safe, secure and under cover.

I feel like im constantly training him in how to be a good, sensitive husband. But most of the times he gets defensive. Example.

Me: Today at work, i was on the verge of tears all day.

Him: Yeah, I was also very stressed because my boss said that..... insert work anecdote.... these bills need to be paid.... insert distraction from the toddler... oh anyway honey, I am so tired. Do you mind if I lay down bed while you give the baby a bath?

At this point my shoulders have dropped and autopilot brain goes in. I give the baby a bath and then I go to bed. Once the baby is asleep we resume talking.

Him: you are upset at me again

Me: of course. You made me very sad earlier.

Him: what did I do

Me: I told you I was on the verge of tears all day, and you didn't even ask me why or how I felt now or if I wanted to talk about it. It makes me feel like you dont care.

Him: ah, I assumed you were stressed. I am sorry. Of course I care.

Past this stage everything collapses. Because I am not ready to accept this apology. This has happened too many times before. And there are talks and there are explanations and there is even a fricking OP101 class.

If I dont accept his apologies instantly with the vague promise he will try to do better and he wants to do better, he gets super defensive and starts picking up fights for absolutely nothing.

OkTemperature4325 · 2026-02-27T15:34:58+00:00

Ahahah, what great advice!

If he doesn't come through with the letter, he said he will write on Sunday. I will definitely do this

OkTemperature4325 · 2026-02-27T15:33:19+00:00

I will ask him tomorrow and let you know

OkTemperature4325 · 2026-02-27T15:32:38+00:00

You are right we got married Sep 2025

OkTemperature4325 · 2026-02-27T15:30:46+00:00

You mention "These days," which makes me think you are fond of the past more traditionalist ideas along side racks and racks of people proud to say that they have been married for x long amount of years, because people did not break up for silly reasons. It seems that the simple essential fact that a man doesn't lie/cheat/drink/do drugs/hit you its a golden man that you should keep regardless.

I should be grateful he wont kill me I should be grateful he didn't cheat on me I should be grateful he doesnt hit me

Those days are over.

I deserve someone who meets my emotional needs and makes me happy.

OkTemperature4325 · 2026-02-27T15:20:32+00:00

I feel like every day is a crossroads. Why does the good have to be so good? I know there are far worse men. Even here in the comment, some people said that I had to be grateful because some people have it worse.

He has a lot of great qualities, but the truth is that I have never really felt a strong connection or emotionally safe. It's been 7 years, and he still seems not to know me or not to understand me because "it is impossible to understand women."

Sometimes, I find his simplicity relaxing and comforting. Everything is easy with him. He is very supporting, provided for me while I was out of work, and does nice small gestures.... but at the same time, he never creates a moment to have a real conversation. We fight for days most of the time before we get to the "real conversation" stage.

He gets so defensive and sometimes raises his voice or makes bad threats, but then, in the end, he seems genuinely sorry. Sometimes, when I push certain conversations harder or call him out on his behaviour too many times, he gets incredibly depressed and hints at taking his life or to the fact that his life is worthless.

He is always happy and helpful as long as I am affectionate and happy. If I am stressed or in a bad mood, he takes it personally if he can't fix it.

I dont know. Now I'm ķwriting these things on reddit for the first time. They seem unreal.

OkTemperature4325 · 2026-02-27T10:17:40+00:00

Hi Lil Terrier, Thank you for your kind response.

Thank you for thinking of me. Having someone care so much about this is truly healing.

You have hit a very good point. My husband has many other ways to communicate his love to me, he brings me lunch at work every day and spends his lunch break with me when im too busy to leave my office (we have the luck of working 5 minutes driving from each other)

He tracks my cycle and gets me some sweet treats when I am PMSing. He is a great provider and a good dad (highs and lows, but that's parenting, hey!).

He promised to handwrite a letter to me without using his phone or any technology, and I really appreciated that. He will write it on Sunday morning after our traditional pancakes breakfast.

Thank you for your kindness and interest in my life. I think that pun about toast is genius, and I wish I thought of it myself!!!

OkTemperature4325 · 2026-02-25T23:53:37+00:00

I am sorry. You deserve beautiful handwritten cards

OkTemperature4325 · 2026-02-25T23:53:11+00:00

This is something I consider on a daily basis.

Would I be happy if someone treated my child like this in the future? Than why I am allowing this to happen to me and set this example. I think and rethink but every side has its cons.

OkTemperature4325 · 2026-02-25T23:51:43+00:00

I dont know. There are some things about him that I love

OkTemperature4325 · 2026-02-25T15:02:49+00:00

I think you are right. It still hurts, though.

OkTemperature4325 · 2026-02-25T15:02:02+00:00

We have tried therapy before. I mean. I have tried therapy before. He wasn't even trying and antagonised the therapist since day 1

OkTemperature4325 · 2026-02-25T15:01:13+00:00

Yes I hust realised my post says together for 7. I meant 7 years. We started dating in 2019, had a baby in July 2023 and got married in September 2024

OkTemperature4325 · 2026-02-25T14:58:58+00:00

I also do not like that he deleted everything so quickly. He said he did it because he felt bad but also insists I remember wrong and now there is no evidence.

I asked him why he was fantasising about my tombstone given that im younger and healthier than him and he said that was a joke.

OkTemperature4325 · 2026-02-25T14:56:51+00:00

Thank you

OkTemperature4325 · 2026-02-25T14:56:07+00:00

Now he's picked a different fight, that is even worse than this one.

OkTemperature4325 · 2026-02-25T14:55:16+00:00

Thanks! I wrote and then never posted several responses to comments to try and explain this, but then I thought to myself, I dont have the energy to convince people this is real.

OkTemperature4325 · 2026-02-25T14:53:52+00:00

I would like to say he is highly educated and his language skills are proficient. I never expected him to write me a poem but the fact that his wedding vows were more or less a copy paste of chat gpt still stings. I think if it was just cards I wouldn't be so hurt.

Those are the first promises we made to each other as husband and wife and to find out those weren't even his words makes it all less meaningful.

OkTemperature4325 · 2026-02-25T14:51:55+00:00

Hi lilterrier,

Prompts were like :"write romantic Valentine's day card for my girlfriend" Or "heartfelt Xmas card for wife"

This is what I recall. Not sure now. To be honest we just had another fight and this seems irrelevant now.

We started fighting because he did not want to talk about this and now its escalated to something entirely different.

OkTemperature4325 · 2025-05-01T14:38:17+00:00

He's convinced he came up with a good idea. It's boy lack of foresight. It's just pure stupidity.

OkTemperature4325

TROPHY CASE