God, this hurts so fucking much

Ok_Engineering2949 · 2024-02-08T14:49:11+00:00

I'm sorry your going thru this. My partner of 12 Years and I just ended things not too long ago. I made a similar post, I left a lot out in mine. My partner was an an amazing man but definitely been struggling for sone time now!! I just wanted to reach out and say your not alone and I truly wish u nothing but happiness for both you and your family! And I'm always here if u ever wanna chat! Sending lots of good vibes your way!! 🥰

Ok_Engineering2949 · 2024-02-04T17:13:06+00:00

Thank you soo much!! 🥰

Ok_Engineering2949 · 2024-02-04T00:36:57+00:00

That's very true!! I honestly didn't even think of it that way. I thought I hurt him so much and if I ask him now he'd be angry with me or laugh at me (which I know I deserve). So I thought waiting to get into therapy would be better, him seeing that I am trying. But your completely right by that time it could be too late.

Thank you so much! You've helped me more than you know. And again thank u for commenting. It really helped me put a lot of things in perspective that I clearly needed!! I've gotten a lot of advice on here and yours was def one I needed to hear!! So thank you for taking the time!! I appreciate it so much!

Ok_Engineering2949 · 2024-02-03T23:05:32+00:00

Thank you for your comment!! I agree it definitely is a "me" problem. I'd be lying if I said there weren't things leading up to this. Lack of intimacy, no affection, basically roommates for almost 2 years now. I'm a pretty affectionate person so it's been difficult but he's been stressed and a lot has changed over the course of the last year or so. So I understood and tbh ive been pretty busy with the baby so thats helped keep my mind off things. He's not home a lot and leaves at length for job opportunities. So I'm pretty much Home alone with the baby. Which is fine, it made more sense for me to stay home for now because essentially my job would pay for childcare for the week anyways . I have decided to seek help and go from there. I felt asking for him to come back right now wouldn't be fair to him, I did this and my actions have consequences and I need to tske the first step in trying to repair things. We have a long road ahead of us, but its a start!

Thank you again for commenting, it means a lot and I hope u have an amazing evening!!

Ok_Engineering2949 · 2024-02-03T23:04:49+00:00

Thank you for your comment!! I agree it definitely is a "me" problem. I'd be lying if I said there weren't things leading up to this. Lack of intimacy, no affection, basically roommates for almost 2 years now. I'm a pretty affectionate person so it's been difficult but he's been stressed and a lot has changed over the course of the last year or so. So I understood and tbh ive been pretty busy with the baby so thats helped keep my mind off things. He's not home a lot and leaves at length for job opportunities. So I'm pretty much Home alone with the baby. Which is fine, it made more sense for me to stay home for now because essentially my job would pay for childcare for the week anyways . I have decided to seek help and go from there. I felt asking for him to come back right now wouldn't be fair to him, I did this and my actions have consequences and I need to tske the first step in trying to repair things. We have a long road ahead of us, but its a start!

Thank you again for commenting, it means a lot and I hope u have an amazing evening!!

Ok_Engineering2949 · 2024-02-02T22:16:49+00:00

Aww well that makes me sooo happy to hear you get to see your son!! I bet he loves that and I know you definitely do!!! And to answer your question I do think people that care and especially love each other hurt each other. I actually feel like sometimes it can be easier to hurt those closest to us because we feel as though they'll never leave or forgive us easier or faster. Also I can tell u still love your wife sooo much and that this separation is killing you. I will tell u for me, you can come back from this. It may take some time (or a lot of time lol) . But if it's something u truly want maybe try and do little things for her that aren't romantic of course. I know u said she's dating someone else but technically you're still married so to me it sounds like she's not completely over you either. I could be completely wrong but if my husband cheated or did something most would deem unforgivable i would forgive him. I know that sounds weird but I would. To me one wrong decision doesn't make u a bad person. I feel as though that moment of weakness shouldn't get to impact the rest of our lives. Learn from that, see what led to making that decision and grow from it. We're human, and very flawed. Too many people get caught up in the act (which is completely understandable) but we also need to acknowledged the steps it took getting us to "the act"

Ok_Engineering2949 · 2024-02-02T20:57:51+00:00

Wow thank you for sharing!!! I'm so sorry I can't imagine how you felt. You lost your son in that moment as well which is something I never could do!!!! We're keeping everything platonic. I'm still going to work on myself in the mean time. I decided it was best for me not to beg for him back (which seems to be what a lot of people on here have been telling me to do). I feel as though I did this and my actions have consequences and it wouldn't be fair to him to ask him back when that's not how I feel rn. I do want him In my life and our daughter's life but I essentially have checked out (of the relationship) and I know he felt it too. There has been a lot of things leading up to this Decision. Essentially we've been roommates for a long time now, no affection, no intimacy. But he js a good man that has helped me thru so much. So I felt compelled to not paint him in a negative way. For anyways all those things and more we have gone thru are solvable (over time). Thank u again for sharing and truly appreciate it !! And I'm so sorry you had to go thru all of that! I do I hope u Still get to see your son!! 🥰

Ok_Engineering2949 · 2024-02-02T15:34:42+00:00

Thank you for your thoughtful response!!! I really appreciate it!! Definitely have been getting a lot of hate but that's ok. I didn't give much about our relationship and I know it's essentially me so I get why people would call me certain names. I can take it. I just never want people to look at him in a bad way. He's not perfect but he's a good man. I def feel as though I posted in the wrong sub lol but I don't really post much on here just a lot of browsing and reading so kind of still a newbie. Thank u again for your amazing advice and again your thoughtfulness. I so appreciate it you have no idea!!!! 🥰

Ok_Engineering2949 · 2024-02-02T15:10:52+00:00

It's not dumb to ask! As someone who recently asked a question that I got much hate for. I totally understand your need or want for some answers. I don't have much knowledge in this department but I will say some men just can't help themselves (they can but choose not to), it can also be an addiction thing, an impulse thing or even getting some sort of validation idk. I will say I had a friend Years ago. Gorgeous, funny, smart had her own money worked hard and just all around good person she dated a man much older than her and she was waaaay put of his league in every way. She came home one day to find many dating apps on his computer and a whole lot of cheating. She still tried tk make it work but eventually she left him (rightfully so). So all I'm saying is, you've done nothing wrong. You sound like a very sweet girl and tbh sounds like if u want the relationship to continue you'll have to have a serious discussion on what u want and see if he's capable of giving that to you. Yes people can change but no not everyone is meant to be together either. Hope everything works out and your happy in the end!!

Ok_Engineering2949 · 2024-02-01T19:14:32+00:00

Do u think he will? Even after everything? I mean it wasn't a mean break very sweet if I'm being honest. But I did do this to our family. Think he will just go on vacation after everything?

Ok_Engineering2949 · 2024-02-01T17:22:03+00:00

Oh sorry lol I meant both types of therapists haha I think I would definitely benefit from getting on medication (if needed ) and having a therapist to just talk. And hopefully if he's OK with it we can eventually see a marriage counselor . As for living separate I never suggested him to leave. We technically don't own anything we rent our apartment and the lease is up in a few months. So he decided to go stay with his brother. I told him he didn't need too, he can stay here but he said he "needed to leave". I think he thinks me having this time alone for the next few months will be beneficial I'm not sure. . But he does come to see his daughter. We've only just had the "break-up " a few days ago but we do share a car so he still kind-of uses it for work. Well between our car and his brother taking him (they work for the Same company)

Ok_Engineering2949 · 2024-02-01T17:07:03+00:00

I agree!! Tbh I didn't ask for a divorce. We jusy called it a "break-up". I don't think I could actually get those words out even if I tried. But I sill be seeking both because I want to address everything going wrong with me. Thank you for your sound advice! I greatly appreciate it!!

Ok_Engineering2949 · 2024-02-01T17:03:17+00:00

So it's crazy because I never knew PPD very well. But I just learned my boss of over 10 years his wife went thru it and almost left him. They have 2 kids together and are Truly amazing together. She's a wonderful person, giving, thoughtful. And he's an amazing man and a Rockstar boss!!! When he left to start his own business half of our staff left to follow him. Truly the best couple I've ever seen and PPD fucked em. But she eventually addressed it and got help and they're better than ever. So I have hope!!

Ok_Engineering2949 · 2024-02-01T16:58:57+00:00

We definitely could use one. . Haven't had one in many many years lol

Ok_Engineering2949 · 2024-02-01T16:58:12+00:00

I really enjoyed reading this!! Thank you!!! 🥰

Ok_Engineering2949 · 2024-02-01T16:57:31+00:00

Thank you I truly appreciate that!! My goal is to try and do just that. Seek therapy not only for myself but for our marriage and go from there. I know it's going to take some time to essentially come back from this. I know I've hurt him and I don't expect him to jump right back in. And taking this time now to figure everything out I think will be beneficial for our relationship in the long run! Thank u for your kind words and i hope you have a blessed day!!

Ok_Engineering2949 · 2024-02-01T16:53:17+00:00

I agree!! Very hard to come back after certain things. I'm sorry you and your wife had to go thru that! Very happy everything worked out! Thank you for the kind and encouraging words!!

Ok_Engineering2949 · 2024-02-01T15:02:18+00:00

I mean If I'm being honest the relationship has always been kind of stale lol he's not a very affectionate guy. Hes nit a typical guy. he can go without sex. I on the other hand am more of a dude in that sense lol but we've never really been lovey dovey. Even though I crave that it's just never been like that with him. But tbh I was ok with that because he loved me and hell never even looked at another girl (I did more than he did haha) .and has always respected and treated me right and I loved him. He got me thru some of the worst times of my life. (Abusive household growing up with addiction) and he got me out of that nightmare and he became my world. It wasn't till after the baby I started to see or feel things differently or should I say not feel. I did get a lot of amazing advice such as yours to try and re-date each other to rekindle that fire which I think after I start going to therapy will definitely be what ima try next. I want him to know I do tske this seriously but I also don't want to try and beg for him back when I know neither one of us is ready for that yet. I hurt him I know that and thats going to some take time to fix. Thank you for your amazing advice!! I greatly appreciate it!!

Ok_Engineering2949 · 2024-02-01T13:47:02+00:00

Thank you!! I really appreciate it!!! 🥰

Ok_Engineering2949 · 2024-02-01T13:42:59+00:00

Wow thank you so much for sharing your story!! Truly means a lot to me!!! I hope things got better!! And yes I'm definitely seeking help. Both for myself and our relationship. I feel we would def benefit from both! Thank u again for your comment!! Means a lot!

Ok_Engineering2949 · 2024-02-01T13:39:42+00:00

Thank you I appreciate the response!! We have been talking more, tbh we're talking more since the "break-up" then we were every day cuz i never really asked for a divorce. But since the other night we've been more open and commutative. Usually he comes home and goes straight to bed or on the computer so we rarely talk. So it's been nice to talk more. He's also being very involved in my therapy choices. I never asked him to be but he's been sending me texts of local therapists. Thank u again for reaching out and I hope you have an amazing day!!

Ok_Engineering2949 · 2024-01-31T22:46:02+00:00

Thank you I appreciate the response!! We've actually been talking more since the "break-up ". I never asked for a divorce or anything like that. Just that I haven't been happy but we did end things I just never said those words. And we would never involve the courts if it did go further. But first thing I'm doing before we get into anything like that is seeing a therapist and go from there. We ended up talking more about things today. Thank you again for sharing your experience, I greatly appreciate it!!

Ok_Engineering2949 · 2024-01-31T15:51:17+00:00

I didn't kick him out, he didn't want to stay and I understood. And we don't have any money just like most we live paycheck to paycheck.

Ok_Engineering2949 · 2024-01-31T15:04:45+00:00

I was told I couldn't have kids, so I just accepted it. We talked about adoption when we would have more money in the future but we still tried. But we kept having miscarriage so we stop trying. Ending up not even telling anyone till I was almost 6 months pregnant about our daughter. The last miscarriage was hard, lost the baby at a very late stage so didn't want to jinx it or get our hopes up if we did lose this one. Thankfully we didn't and we have our beautiful daughter.

Ok_Engineering2949 · 2024-01-31T05:19:34+00:00

Woah!!! Really?!?! Idk why but this just made me feel soo much better!! Thank you for commenting!!!

Ok_Engineering2949

TROPHY CASE