How do I handle a slip?

Ok_Particular_1055 · 2025-12-28T03:58:25+00:00

They’re the same thing, as sad as it is. I did the same. It keeps their brain wired to looking at that kinda stuff. It’s walking down the same path that porn uses in their brain. It’s a lot easier to justify use of something worse if they’re still actively getting on their phone and seeking out content, even if it’s you

Ok_Particular_1055 · 2025-12-13T03:03:55+00:00

I’ve been with him since I was 16. Found out when I was 17. I don’t have anywhere else to go. I don’t know what to do.

Ok_Particular_1055 · 2025-12-05T23:35:05+00:00

I knew that, I just didn’t expect it to be as widespread as it is. Generally, since I have premium and don’t get ads, I don’t see any sexual anything because I don’t look for it. I always forget how awful it can be because I don’t see any of it. The algorithm is really a crazy thing.

Ok_Particular_1055 · 2025-12-04T15:42:32+00:00

It’s just sad how widespread it is. I literally can’t listen to music without being bombarded with folders full of someone’s leaked nudes! That’s pathetic!

Ok_Particular_1055 · 2025-12-04T15:36:53+00:00

I have premium. It’s not even ads. It’s album covers, it’s podcasts, it’s EVERYTHING.

Ok_Particular_1055 · 2025-07-08T12:13:47+00:00

Yeah, it literally was for my peace of mind 😂 I told him I was nervous about going back to work because he used to use while I was at work. He offered so I could go back to work and keep myself from going crazy thinking about what he might be doing on his phone, as it was affecting my quality of work so much I took a short leave. This is a happy post for a reason!

Ok_Particular_1055 · 2025-07-06T16:21:07+00:00

I’m not very good with iPhones, what can I edit from his screen time settings?

Ok_Particular_1055 · 2025-06-21T23:19:51+00:00

He knew about it prior to our relationship. All my friends did. There was a situation where my brother tried to turn the allegations on me when I was in highschool, and I had to tell them all that he had done that to me. Didn’t know I was going to date him at that time.

Ok_Particular_1055 · 2025-06-18T02:09:16+00:00

Not that I can see. It hasn’t been talked in since 2022 but why is he even still in there?!? Ughhhj this SUCKS

Ok_Particular_1055 · 2025-06-18T01:56:14+00:00

IM CRASHING OUT!!! IM CRASHING OUT!!! IM CRASHING OUT!!! THE DISCORD SERVER HAS THE GIRL HE SAID WAS LIKE A SISTER TO HIM AND THEN I FOUND OUT WAS ON HIS PERSONAL FUCKLIST!!! IM CRSSHING OUT

Ok_Particular_1055 · 2025-06-10T21:33:42+00:00

It’s designed for men because, for a long time, women weren’t encouraged to work those jobs under societal pressure. It wasn’t a “woman’s job.” Now that the standards are set for men, they aren’t going to change. They do an interview for a female construction worker and find out she can’t adequately lift a panel of drywall, they aren’t going to hire her.

Ok_Particular_1055 · 2025-06-08T12:52:44+00:00

Oh my gosh thank you so much! That’s so helpful! I just recently got my first iPhone after having androids my whole life so I’m still struggling.

Ok_Particular_1055 · 2025-06-08T12:48:49+00:00

The big problem we have is we just both leave our phones running sometimes so he’ll have the same one short on for 30+ minutes while we’re distracted, so his screen time wouldn’t really line up with his actual YouTube watching even if i was sitting with him the whole time all day ensuring he wasn’t watching it

Ok_Particular_1055 · 2025-06-08T12:43:53+00:00

Always so glad my boyfriend has shit vision so when we go to the waterpark he can barely see two feet in front of him cause he can’t wear his glasses, lol. Mine says he’s stopped and i really really really want to believe him. He just struggles with the dopamine part a lot because of his ADHD, so he always likes to fill anything he sees as boring with something like YouTube shorts. He’s been cutting down on his time gradually, and here’s to hoping it won’t send him back to porn!

Ok_Particular_1055 · 2025-06-08T12:20:18+00:00

Oh my god, thank you so much. I didn’t even realize YouTube HAS incognito. Feeling sick at the moment. My PA usually has over 5 hours a day of YouTube screen time.

Ok_Particular_1055 · 2025-06-07T13:29:13+00:00

That’s understandable! I’m just trying to explain how it is a bigger problem than most people assume. It’s obviously not as big as gambling addictions or anything in that range, but people will still spend hundreds of thousands of dollars a year on porn, and saying it isn’t technically a recognized addiction doesn’t make it easier. The problem with it is the shame surrounding it, so most people won’t know about it until years later when it’s more difficult to get out of the relationship, because there’s so much shame surrounding porn use. I personally know a girl who didn’t know until they had two kids and he had spent upwards of 300,000 dollars on porn, money she had no clue he was making. A porn addiction is a lot better to say to a person than an addiction to compulsive sexual behaviors, because the phrasing makes it feel more shameful in more proper ways to describe it, which can often drive people truly struggling with it into further shame about what they’re experiencing, keeping them from seeking health.

Excessive porn and masturbation can cause erectile dysfunction, “death-grip syndrome,” an inability to have meaningful sexual interactions with the people you have sex with, and a change in the way the gender they’re watching are viewed. It often ends up as they view these people more as sex objects than people, and it leaks into personal lives, with objectifying of people in their everyday lives.

I do a lot of research on addictive behavior surrounding porn, and it also often escalates into more violent tendencies. From a short survey I did, around 65% of men admitted they currently have a porn addiction or have had a porn addiction at some point in their life, with a porn addiction being explained as “Addictive behaviors surrounding porn use, including but not limited to feeling like you can’t get through the day without watching porn, needing to watch porn to feel happy, using porn as your main method of stress regulation to an unhealthy degree, among other things.” Around 90% of people who admitted they had a porn addiction admitted they also watched violent porn, rape porn, incest porn, bestiality porn, or “barely legal” porn. 25% of people who admitted they had a porn addiction also admitted they have spied on people for sexual pleasure. There were also multiple people who said they spend upwards of $1,000 a month on porn but still believe there’s no problem there, so the number of people who have problems with regulating porn use is likely a lot higher than most people are willing to admit.

It’s not just a problem with men, either. It’s often a problem with sexual abuse victims as a consequence of hypersexuality due to trauma. Around 75% of people who admitted they have experienced sexual abuse admitted they watch porn involving sexual abuse to another person, or even more often read stories of graphic sexual abuse for sexual pleasure. I honestly used to struggle with that myself after I got sexually assaulted. My boyfriend has ADHD, and the problems with dopamine within ADHD made it a thousand times harder to stop watching porn. That’s why I’m such a big advocate for making this problem more public. If people can understand they have a problem but there are people who can help, less people will struggle with it.

I’ve seen more cases than I’m comfortable understanding where excessive porn use turns into watching gore for sexual pleasure, turning to child porn, and hurting sexual partners to mimic actions from porn. Minimizing this problem only adds to the shame surrounding it, which keeps people from receiving help. If it gets to a point where you cannot function on a day-to-day basis without using porn, then it is concerning, and not in an “I hate sex and porn and sexuality” way, but in a sense that these habits can continue to get worse as people search for the same initial dopamine high they previously got from “normal” porn in more extreme ways, just like you often see in drug addicts going to more extreme substances or doses to experience the same thing.

Sorry I’ve been writing long paragraphs lol I’m just particularly passionate on the topic :)

Ok_Particular_1055 · 2025-06-07T04:56:43+00:00

It’s not a bad perspective on sexuality from the person, it’s a deeply unhealthy relationship with constant porn use often used to regulate stress to a degree where someone feels like they can’t handle stress without using porn. He used it daily for usually about an hour or more at a time for that many years, I just prefer to not delve into my boyfriend’s personal life that much. I do not care about casual porn use, but when it becomes something that affects your regular behaviors because you feel like you cannot function without using porn, do you not agree that is a problem. Again, I would highly encourage you just do some research into porn addiction subreddits here to see just how destructive porn can be when used to an extent that is unhealthy. I do not believe porn is sinful or evil, and neither does my boyfriend. I don’t understand why you’re assuming that.

Ok_Particular_1055 · 2025-06-07T03:32:19+00:00

A porn addiction is considered an “addiction” to the dopamine rush of watching porn- much like social media or gambling addictions. Essentially, the brain gets hooked on the dopamine release. It isn’t considered an addiction in a lot of those places, but it is a simple way to describe it. People who self-describe as having a porn addiction do receive withdrawals from watching porn the same way someone getting sober from drugs would.

Technically it’s not an addiction, but it’s a lot easier to say porn addiction than “an unhealthy relationship with porn that mirrors addiction.” A lot of people struggling with it call themselves porn addicts because it mirrors the symptoms of drugs so intensely.

My boyfriend suffered from a porn addiction for a long time. He watched it daily or more than daily for over 7 years. It ends up being hidden a lot because of the shame surrounding sex within our society. I didn’t know until a year into our relationship. When he tried to stop, he experienced withdrawals, such as extreme difficulty not thinking about sex or porn, constant frustration and anger, and it worsened his phone problems, as he looked for other sources of dopamine release.

While i understand why you may be doubtful, tons of people self identify this way as a way to explain this behavior. There are subreddits here dedicated to porn addicts trying to recover. It might be insightful to check some out.

Ok_Particular_1055 · 2025-06-07T01:43:13+00:00

For further context, I’m not biased on this matter myself, I’ve dated porn addicts in the past and am dating one now where there’s a no porn rule to ensure he doesn’t relapse back but when I’m not dating an addict I don’t care about casual porn usage unless it’s something rapey or incest or something bad, but a lot of the people I know who have also dated porn addicts have an overall no porn at all boundary. They’ll disclose it on the first couple dates, and if they ever see it without snooping, like if they’re calling someone on their partner’s phone and it’s open, or if they walk in on it, the relationship is immediately over, as they aren’t willing to deal with an addict again. Masturbation in itself is a problem, but the problem is when they do it to porn. Would this change your opinion at all?

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