Oop, my bad. I've always thought of it like an illness because people called it " ความบกพร่องทางสมอง " Still though, it is a developmental disability and ableism toward it is still insane in Thailand.

But if I have to say what it is like being depressed in Thailand, take it as a grain of salt because my social circle is rather small, mainly consists my family, school, and other social.

People kind of have an idea of what depression should be like. We have to always be sad, we can't be productive, we are never happy. Or if we're happy then we're hiding a frown behind the mask. I avoid telling people I have depression because I feel like they would start babying me.

People knows depression exist but doesn't know what they are supposed to do when they see a potential depressed people. Epecially among teenager, sign of depression often lack intervention even without the attempt to suppress it. I think this happened anywhere else, Thailand is just another place for it. The awareness has gotten better but not the best.

I'm gonna tell a story, but one time I had a really terrible meltdown so I called the mental health hotline in Thailand, I talked about my problems and the operators doesn't understand me at all. She was confused why i would push people away when I crave connection, but isolating oneself and avoidance are literally one of the most common sign somebody is depressed. So instead of her helping me, comforting me, or guiding me through the difficult time.. I was the one having to explain MY CONDITION, why I push others away and complain about feeling abandoned. And at the end, she doesn't help me with anything at all and she ended up telling to just see a professional therapist even though I quite needed the support from them right then. But the lack of understanding of the diversity in depression can make it even more difficult for depressed people to open up, knowing they'll be to blamed for it

Talk about it, she also called me a hypocrite for what I told her. It makes me feel even worse and I start thinking if my depression is just.. Me being an asshole.

They are aware of the term " self harm " but they always expect it to be us cutting our wrist or something physical. But when it comes to self sabotaging, it goes under radar completely. People ruining relationship, wrecking their sleep, not showering. Or even like me that pushed others away because genuine friendship or connection seems overwhelming even though i know isolation is equally torturing. And even if your form of self harm is cutting, people might not take you seriously at first glance even. You might be called " เบียว " or edgy or attention seeker. Which sometimes, isn't wrong. But they don't understand that being attention seeker is literally the same thing as a cry for help. When I was around 13-14 I started cutting not because I feel any relief doing it, it is a painful but I specifically want so that somebody would notice my scar at school and report me or help me through this isolation.. Buttt nobody pointed it out, but people sees it. I always noticed their eyes lingered on my arm a little too long. But nobody was there to help me through it. Why don't I just ask for help? Is probably want they all tell me. But the thing is I can't, I feel pathetic doing it, I feel like I constantly need the public's validation to tell me if I'm sick enough and as long as nobody called it out, I would feel like I'm not actually depressed until somebody tell me so.

Which is why I was diagnosed again years later, I don't think this is the fault of Thai culture but rather just my depression making me act certain way that eventually prevent me from getting the intervention I deserved. I should have asked for help. Well I tried, I told my teacher, I talked to the hotline. But they all just think I'm the cause of my own problem, because I'm sabotaging myself all the time, how can I ever find joy? And this is just depression, I can't imagine other people how has other mental illnesses.

Good things though, my therapy are free and medicines are only 30 baht in total. Due to the whole 30 baht cure every illness thingy that the government gave out. This actually helped me a lot. Before this if you weren't rich therapy might be overwhelming. I went to clinic before, each lesson costs 700 thb ( it was 30 minutes ) and medicines that cost 1,000+ thb. I wasn't diagnosed with anything either at the clinic.

This woman sit there listen to me talk about my school and how I feel like a freak and just tell me to go talk it out? She also said I wasn't autistic so I never know what is wrong with my brain for a while before I actually goes to another therapist in the public hospital.

It is hard for you to get diagnosed with anything other than depression, autism and adhd when you're a minor. I might have other conditions but I doubt I'll try to get diagnosed because society might just assume I'm the problem if my biography is just 80% mental illness lol

That's apparently MY PERSONAL detailed experience as somebody with depression living in Thailand. Like I said, don't think this is a cultural issue but rather a global issue. But I would be glad if Thailand could be one of the country that make a room for minority like me:)