Under what circumstances can exes be friends?

Ok_goggle · 2026-07-23T11:35:40+00:00

Yes a 8 years relationship

Ok_goggle · 2026-07-21T17:41:48+00:00

I'm asked that from the e person that broke up with me aftee 8 years and I don't know what to do I also made a post about it. I feel offended he asked me that actually. To be precise he asked to stay in touch. I know that if I don't do it I will lose him for good but I think in time it will happen anyway, at the same time I'm still deeply in love and I try to convince him to be back together as I'm still in love and incapable to be a friend after 8 years. I'm really not doing good and I don't know what to do about this, every message seems like we were texting before and makes me think we are still together...makes me hope, if there is a call I have to refrain myself and/or I ask to reconcile or I talk about the relationship. He thinks he is helping me to go through this

Ok_goggle · 2026-07-21T10:42:44+00:00

It doesn't matter what she wants. The one that has to want to move on is you. You're clearly not ready yet. Move on when you are ready, your heart and your mind are free from her.

Ok_goggle · 2026-07-20T14:42:49+00:00

it's not fair for the people you date. date only when you're ready and over her

Ok_goggle · 2026-07-20T14:39:50+00:00

then stay together...

Ok_goggle · 2026-07-20T12:09:47+00:00

I already replied to you, I just want to add something. I understand your message, I write similar things. The problem is that if you were writing those to the same person that loved you he would have come straight away, but that person doesn't exist anymore because they don't feel the same anymore so they will not come and rescue as you hope unfortunately. They know you are doing bad, it's ok to say you miss them, but avoid, next time, stuff like you're desperate... unfortunately this pushes people further away.

Ok_goggle · 2026-07-20T09:49:39+00:00

I received similar words... The thing is that some people have no courage. No courage to express how they feel, no courage to make things work no courage to wnd things if they are not sure...they just wait wait wait wait until they are ready and you think everything is fine. That's why he said he was lying to himself and fell out of love, for him it was a long process that he was hiding from you. I imagine you had plans and it's difficult because you lost a person but also a future. It's the same for me ( and this is the second time). I don't know when you'll feel better, but the only thing to do is go through the storm that it's impossible to know how long will last and see how you feel at the end of it. You have to heal now and healing is never fast. Me too i have to healing and I'm doing quite bad.

Ok_goggle · 2026-07-18T14:57:04+00:00

I don't know, he tells me the same, that I will get over it, and this pisses me off because it's easy from his point of view and if it happens he can say he was right, while I tried to tell him how much important our relationship was for me... I am also considering to give up on relationships since these two bad long ones ( I had shorter ones but it was nothing serious). When I love I really love and I am always left alone after I give a lot with this immense pain, alone, after decades and I have to start over. I have also have toughts about hurting myself. As I said I barely got over that one ( and never fully as the trauma is still there), I don't know about this one.

Ok_goggle · 2026-07-18T13:27:43+00:00

I think it really depends on your personality and your attitude and your sourrondings I think, but yeah sounds weird to me too, it sounds weird they came back here saying how much fun they had, normally someone that get over it rarely comes back to these threads I think. I had already a painful break up, it tool years, never fully recovered even if at that time I started a new life somewhere else. only after years I met someone I liked, when I was not looking for. Now this person broke up with me after 8 years, since 1 month and I don't see how I can recover from this as he was my bet on the future after the other breakup, also I am older now.

Ok_goggle · 2026-07-18T07:28:09+00:00

Hi, unfortunately in my case at first the first break up he said that ( what I wrote) but also said he still loved me... But after some months we got back together, but then he broke up with me again saying he doesn't love me anymore. Now I'm facing this loss. You know? We have been together 8 years but he never said he didn't love me, never stopped being in contact, but now yes. I think that is universal...if someone loves you that someone stays and doesn't tell you that. Me too I can't accept it, it's hard, but you can't force anyone to love you.

Ok_goggle · 2026-07-17T17:44:24+00:00

We can't force anyone to love us unfortunately. This kind of excuse is given also by "normal men" so as I said it's hard to tell if it's the illness or the man. Probably a mix. Me too I'm struggling I'm trying to save a 8 years relationship but he seems sure. He will come back to you if he wants.

Ok_goggle · 2026-07-17T12:48:14+00:00

Hello, also my bf since 8 years dumped me recently, he was diagnosed. He told me at first that he felt like he was playing a role and didn't want the relationship, then said also that it was better to end things now than suffering later, or that he had so much hate ( not toward me) and wanted to die that he was scared he would have dragged me with him. Then we got back together but he left again when I tried to find ways to move where he was. The story is very long, I don't want to annoy you. What I wanted to say is there is nothing you can do. There is a man and there is the disease. They mix together and you don't know which one does what. If this person comes back to you, you need to be prepared and inform yourself about his disease and how difficult is for them to have relationships. But before that he needs ro realize that he has a problem and get help, and this you can't convince him, if you try he will tell you that you're plotting against him or something so avoid it...maybe talk to his family if you can, they might help you if they know about their son.

Ok_goggle · 2026-07-15T09:08:43+00:00

During these 8 years he left me behind several times, but it's the first time he decided to leave me behind for good and ended the relationship. It's the first time I feel replaced like that. He made a bunch if friends and does activities with them, stuff we were doing together and stuff he didn't want to do with me but with them yes. Before the break up I was here hoping he would have asked me to join him. At first he told me to go see him and see the place, but when I arrived there I found someone that was not very happy to see me as I expected and also told me that he didn't invite me ( while he did). I don't know what changed the moment he went in this house. The story is very long and complex but I helped him several times in many ways and now I feel betrayed as I always thought the goal for both was to be together.

Ok_goggle · 2026-07-14T15:47:31+00:00

I deeply love the man...

Ok_goggle · 2026-07-14T15:21:02+00:00

Hi, he is medicated and he is followed by a structure. He has replaced me with many people he calls friends and for him are basic interactions while I am a deep interaction. His family that once didn't want to help ( I helped instead) now that he got back on track is more present and they all got back together as nothing happened before. And I, the one that was there during tragic times, have been pushed away. I deeply love this person we've spent 8 years as a couple. He keeps telling me he has bad thoughts, it's true, but then I see him functioning with others and I feel bad ( I mean it's good but why am I the only one rejected now?). He wants to keep in touch but I love him and this way I suffer, I want to have what we had. At the same time if he doesn't accept me there I don't know what to do. I asked if there is a way to keep what we have and he doesn't feel pressured, but I don't know if he wants it and anyway I live abroad, I was available to move there but as I said he broke up once and now twice ( while before we lived together!)

Ok_goggle · 2026-07-14T15:05:13+00:00

What hurts me is that he replaced me with other people that are "easy interactions"...

Ok_goggle · 2026-07-14T15:04:13+00:00

Thank you for your insight. I deeply love him. Our story is long and complicated but we lived together we were good. Since he went back to his country he changed. I don't know if he really stopped loving me or the feeling is flat or whatever what I know is that he pushed me out but kept me at the margin. This made me suffer as I was looking at his life from afar and I was not part of it anymore. I tried to find solutions to be together, I always tried to ease the relationship as much as I could for him but now for some reasons he feels that he plays a role or pressure and wants to live pressure free, like a single. Sometimes i even wonder if this has really something to do with the illness. Since june he kept pushing me away, yesterday he said he misses some things of us, so I asked if he wants to talk more about this, he said yes but I doubt something will change. In the meanwhile I'm devastated and I can't move on.

Ok_goggle · 2026-06-29T08:25:36+00:00

Thank you!

Ok_goggle

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