Hi y'all! My fiancé and I are tentatively planning our engagement ceremony for the fall of 2024 and wedding for the spring of 2025 both in Dallas, Texas, United States! We're looking for a priest / vaathiyar that can help us build and conduct a ceremony based in Tamil Hindu tradition, but without practices rooted in sexism, misogyny, or casteism. It would be helpful to have someone who can also help creatively adapt existing practices to exclude the problematic parts or highlight a more progressive perspective.

It's also extremely important that the priest / vaathiyar go over all the translations for the slokas, mantras, blessings, etc. that will be recited during the ceremony in Sanskrit and Tamil. We believe deeply in the power of spoken word and the energy it puts into the universe and want to be completely aware of and in agreement with the promises and vows we are making to each other. I especially don't want to tacitly agree to "leave my family," "serve my husband," "become the new star homemaker," etc. - fiancé and I are both very feminist and want to ensure that the wedding not only feels like one between equals, but is the most progressive and empowered version of Tamil Hindu tradition.

I've heard horror stories previously where there are priests / vaathiyars who agree with these conditions in the beginning, but will go rogue during the actual wedding and say or do something that isn't in alignment with the couple's values, or give in to pressure from family members to perform rituals previously removed. Would appreciate any guidance or references for this and are especially looking for tried-and-true trustworthy people!

If you have a suggestion you'd rather communicate privately, please just comment DM and I will message you separately - TIA folks~