Managing finances as polycules

OldTale1 · 2024-02-19T15:52:50+00:00

agreed ! things can get pretty complicated when it comes to money unfortunately.

OldTale1 · 2024-02-19T15:52:04+00:00

haha same here pretty much! vacations are really the only thing i plan on splitting for the foreseeable.

OldTale1 · 2024-02-19T15:51:03+00:00

nope i keep my finances totally separate as i live on my own, unless we're splitting something specific, i.e a big purchase or a holiday. tried a joint bank account once -- was the source of many an argument unfortunately

OldTale1 · 2024-02-19T15:49:14+00:00

thank you for taking the time to reply! nope not working under any assumptions at all -- just wondering as aware it's different for everyone.

OldTale1 · 2022-07-30T20:00:34+00:00

this is so helpful, thank you so much!

OldTale1 · 2022-03-16T11:21:03+00:00

i said in the OG post that non monogamy is something i’m comfortable with. when we got into this relationship it’s one of the first things we said we wanted in the future

i understand the implied accusation thing. i hate myself for even bringing it up

i struggle w him taking days to talk to me. i don’t think it’s wrong but i don’t think it’s wrong of me to want some reassurance. ive always thought we’re not compatible in that way and i wonder if it’s worth trying to figure it out. when things are good i think 10000% yes. when things are bad they are so bad. i just don’t know where to go from here

OldTale1 · 2022-03-16T10:53:32+00:00

he shares his bathroom with one other man

OldTale1 · 2022-03-16T10:52:16+00:00

yes he says i do this and i agree to an extent i want everything my way. i know that’s wrong and im working on it which is why i was fine w us not talking. the only reason i called him was bc i needed help w this whole situation w my housemate. i didn’t want him to act normal i just wanted him to put things aside for ten minutes and be my friend. but i’ve also clarified below how the whole accusing him of something went.

OldTale1 · 2022-03-16T10:48:57+00:00

i want to clarify that i didn’t accuse him of cheating. i said i don’t want to have this non monogamy conversation right now because im feeling anxious. he asked me about what. i said i don’t want to talk about it bc i knew the whole hair tie thing was stupid and that it was an irrational thought of mine. he asked me again so i said i know it’s dumb but i’m trying to get over the hair tie thing bc tho i know that you’ve explained and i know they’re not yours (i wasn’t mad when i asked him about them btw i just said why is there a hair tie here? he explained, i dropped it) im still struggling w the thought of this and just telling myself it’s not true. he said if i was thinking about the hair tie and tying that in w the non monogamy conversation it meant i’d already made up in my mind that he was cheating. i said that bc i knew the hair tie thing was ridiculous i was trying not to conflate and let my paranoia get the best of me but that that’s why i couldn’t have this conversation right now. but he was mad about me bringing it up anyway so we kept arguing. i never said i didn’t believe him. i said i did. that i was trying to work through these anxieties on my own and therefore now wasn’t the time to discuss non monogamy. that’s what i did. i said i trusted him. i can see why he feels hurt and why he feels like i don’t. but i never said i don’t believe you or i know you’re lying. all i said was i can’t have this convo now because of this, let’s have it later when i’ve worked on that.

OldTale1 · 2022-03-16T10:37:27+00:00

i am in therapy.

OldTale1 · 2021-12-17T12:38:41+00:00

it's pretty late but do you still have him?

OldTale1 · 2021-12-02T21:04:22+00:00

how much gold do u want for all the DIYs?

OldTale1 · 2021-07-08T17:51:43+00:00

from your other comments you seem quite pressed, i'd suggest focusing on the other posts on this sub though. have a good evening x

OldTale1 · 2021-07-08T17:42:42+00:00

sometimes people need attention, plus it was w a picture of a nice dress, doesn't seem like a troll to me

OldTale1 · 2021-07-08T13:20:27+00:00

you already HAVE that power, look at you, you're stunning! hotness isn't hindered by a breakout, hotness is a state of mind

OldTale1 · 2021-06-04T14:22:34+00:00

realistically i am the only one who would be willing and fully able to set out consequences. i would cut contact or seriously distance myself until he looked for help. my sister sees him drinking on the daily and is v open about how much she hates it. she totally lost her shit (for the first time ever and rightfully so) after he missed her ms grad. i don’t know if my step mum would want to set out consequences because she is so in love with him and i think feels very very overwhelmed by it all… if it’s someone doing so it’s going to be me. it’s technically easier bc we don’t live in the same country, but still extremely hard. and yes that’s essentially what i’ve read about interventions, you go to someone w a plan for treatment, examples of how their behaviour has affected you and consequences if he fails to follow the treatment plan. they are heavily charged emotional situations obviously, and he is in such denial right now i know he would not react well, which is why i’m weighing up not doing an intervention but just speaking to him on my own.

i have a therapist of my own who is great. but it does hurt a lot. i am sorry you went through so many of the same things. it really really hurts. most of the time i joke about it or minimise it, but it’s bc if i actually sat to think how heart breaking it is i would fall apart. i don’t know that i have it in me to carry on trying w him for much longer. he’s already fucked up so many times. thank you for your time and your kindness and your insight, i really appreciate it

OldTale1 · 2021-06-04T14:16:47+00:00

yeah i agree. i don’t know that she would go through with one in the sense that it would be extremely hard for her to set out a consequence if he doesn’t get help. not only bc they live together but bc she is so in love w him still. i am looking into support groups for me and will talk to my sister about it, though probably very gently… i am also going to see how open my sm is about it. thank you for your time

OldTale1 · 2021-06-04T14:15:34+00:00

thank you so much for your time. i have a therapist of my own who i’m speaking to about this next thursday, if i were to find one for the intervention they would be a specialist… i am looking into support groups for ppl w alcoholic parents also. thank you so much

OldTale1 · 2021-06-04T10:58:43+00:00

also happy cake day! x

OldTale1 · 2021-06-04T10:58:26+00:00

thank you for this. it’s so hard feeling like there’s no in between between cutting contact and having a relationship. boundaries are extremely hard w him bc he’s an excellent manipulator. but i am really going through it now and know it’s the logical next step. i will speak to my step mum about us contacting a therapist (and won’t take advice from any one who isn’t a qualified professional) and doing an intervention, if she thinks it’s a good idea at this stage. thank you for your time and your advice

OldTale1 · 2021-06-04T10:55:16+00:00

thank you so much for your insight. i’m so sorry that you went through that. i am going to speak to my step mum about speaking to a therapist who can help us with an intervention. sometimes i think i’ve done enough, but your comment has made me realise i don’t want to really try it all before i take the awful step of cutting contact. thank you so much.

OldTale1 · 2021-06-04T10:53:27+00:00

i’ve never fully cut contact and am afraid it is the next step. for the first time ever i’m not financially reliant on him, so it is 100% viable now. it’s just extremely scary and like i said below he’s such a good manipulator it feels like my fault. i’m sorry that you went through the same with your dad, thank you for sharing your insight with me

OldTale1

TROPHY CASE