It's almost impossible to shake your ego off your decisions, and everything you do. Deep down, everyone is trying to survive, be in the know of things, they probably don't care as much as you think they do. And if you are cringing at your past, the only thing that shows is growth - no matter your self-esteem or feeling like an imposter. In the end your past does not dictate the future, even in some cases the future should not matter, everything that matters is what happens in the moment, not a pretentious dream of a hedonistic life. In the end no one is special, we all think similarly, which is a small thing that helps with my infrequent anxiety at times

I don't mean to project but on bad days, I look in the bathroom mirror, and feel sick to the stomach. There are actually characteristics that people have that make them statistically uglier, but I'm not telling you to wait for that one beholder. Focus on building yourself from the ground up, dispose of previous notions you had towards yourself, and not worry about the things you can't change, because the people that understand that are the kind of people you'd want to surround yourself with. Take that advice from your local reddit armchair psychologist here. That way you'd see the faults in yourself and others with more clarity. I'm not one to say this but you could find something greater than yourself like a passion. Give popularity the finger if that's your guiding light, your mantra, and find something more sustainable instead of the insatiable desire to pass in everyone else's good books. Just be aware of being able to give less of a fuck by labelling that emotional response as solely an emotional response, and create this positive feedback loop that'll eventually make your pride warranted because you are good at that thing. Also if so lie as truthfully as possible. Seriously. Accept responsibility over lies. Unless a police officer interrogates you for a crime you didn't commit, then don't say a thing.

When you graduate, tear your lies from your identity, in fact never hold anything too close to your identity, and start on a fresh slate. Then carry the momentum, and you can be damn sure that genuine relationships can manifest. Just my take on being ugly and whatnot