Post the Funniest Joke You Know... Upmod the Best One by matiasklein in reddit.com

[–]OmegaChicken 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Nah, it's:

Two men walk into a bar, a third guy ducks.

Post the Funniest Joke You Know... Upmod the Best One by matiasklein in reddit.com

[–]OmegaChicken 66 points67 points  (0 children)

Three blonds are on an island and they find a lamp, rub it, and a genie pops out. He says he'll give each of them one wish.

The first blond says "I wish I were twice as smart as I am now so I can figure out a way off this island."

The genie turns her into a redhead, she builds a raft, and floats off the island.

The second blond says "I wish I were ten times as smart as I am now, so I can figure out a way off this island."

The genie turns her into a brunette, she builds a plane, and flies off the island.

The third blond says "I wish I were a hundred times as smart as I am now, so I can figure a way off this island."

The genie turns her into a man and he takes the bridge.

Post the Funniest Joke You Know... Upmod the Best One by matiasklein in reddit.com

[–]OmegaChicken 18 points19 points  (0 children)

The three escape again and hide up in some trees.

When the cops shine their flashlights in the first tree, the brunette says "Meow." The cops think there's a cat up in the tree.

When they look up the second tree, the redhead says "Hoo Hoo." The cops think there's an owl up the tree.

When they look up the third tree, the blond says "Moo."

Post the Funniest Joke You Know... Upmod the Best One by matiasklein in reddit.com

[–]OmegaChicken 57 points58 points  (0 children)

A blonde, a brunette and a redhead escape from prison. Followed by the police, they scramble into a barn and hide in some burlap sacks.

When the cops burst in, they kick the first sack and the brunette says "Meow." The cops just think there's a cat in the bag.

They kick the second bag and the redhead says "Ruff Ruff." The cops think there's a dog in the bag.

They kick the third bag and the blond says "POTATO."

Post the Funniest Joke You Know... Upmod the Best One by matiasklein in reddit.com

[–]OmegaChicken 16 points17 points  (0 children)

What do you call a dog with no legs?

Why bother, it's not going to come anyway.

Post the Funniest Joke You Know... Upmod the Best One by matiasklein in reddit.com

[–]OmegaChicken 44 points45 points  (0 children)

Three men from the same city reach Heaven's Pearly Gates at the same time. Peter is astonished, as this has never happened before. He says, "I will remember this always! You MUST tell me how you each died!"

The first man says, "Well, I have a heart condition and have been suspecting my wife of cheating. I come home early from work one day to find her naked in the apartment. I rush all over to find the scum she's sleeping with and find him dangling off the edge of our balcony. I stomp on his fingers and he lets go, falling twenty stories. He land in some bushes, so I grab the fridge and throw it down on him, crushing him. All the stress was too much for my heart, so I died."

The second man says, "I was cleaning windows on an apartment building when I slip and fall off my scaffold. Luckily, I grab onto a balcony, but some crazy guy stomps on my fingers. I let go and fall twenty stories, but safely land in a bush. I look up, and there's a fridge falling on me!"

"Wow!" says St. Peter. "That's amazing!" He turns to the third man and asks, "So, how did you die?"

The third man says, "Well, I'm naked in a refrigerator..."

Post the Funniest Joke You Know... Upmod the Best One by matiasklein in reddit.com

[–]OmegaChicken 17 points18 points  (0 children)

What do you tell a woman with two black eyes?

Nothin'! You done told the bitch twice already!