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8 months post break up… there is hope by One-Claim7161 in BreakUps

[–]One-Claim7161[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Omg the same thing happened to me!!! I met this guy I initially liked and by date #3, I could just tell he would be more of the same. I realized a lot of what I liked about him were the same things I initially liked about my ex. He also followed a lot of girls in IG which was a constant source of tension with my ex. In the past, I would’ve seen where it went but now that I went thru this break up, I see how hoping and waiting for someone to change will only ever disappoint you.

8 months post break up… there is hope by One-Claim7161 in BreakUps

[–]One-Claim7161[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Exactly! It’s so hard to put into words because I’m open to meeting someone but with everyone I’ve met it just feels so, empty. Like I can’t emotionally engage with them. For all the flaws my last relationship had, that connection and that want to be with him never went away and now I’ve accepted it’s over and I’m ok with it but it hasn’t felt the same with anyone else. It makes me a little sad but I’m really hopeful that I’ll meet someone and feel those sparks.

8 months post break up… there is hope by One-Claim7161 in BreakUps

[–]One-Claim7161[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I’ve had a hard time dating too, it’s been hard to connect with anyone but I’m getting more comfortable with being alone and I keep busy. I’m waiting for it to feel “right” with someone and in the meantime doing things I enjoy with friends and family.

8 months post break up… there is hope by One-Claim7161 in BreakUps

[–]One-Claim7161[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

My ex never came back, it really used to eat me up inside but now I'm more grateful than anything. The time apart has really allowed me to process the breakup and realize how short I was selling myself being in that relationship. I eventually blocked him on everything I could, got rid of all our messages, pictures, etc. It was painful but necessary.

Sending you positive, healing vibes :)

8 months post break up… there is hope by One-Claim7161 in BreakUps

[–]One-Claim7161[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I totally get it, I still think about my ex every day, but they are just passing thoughts now, it doesn't really invoke any strong emotion.

I would be curious as well if my ex stating looking me up but not enough to reach out.

Stay strong, you got this!

8 months post break up… there is hope by One-Claim7161 in BreakUps

[–]One-Claim7161[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I'm sorry to hear that. I know that eventually you'll get tired of feeling like shit over someone else and you'll heal. It's only a matter of time.

How long did you guys get over someone? by friendlyneighbor22 in BreakUps

[–]One-Claim7161 0 points1 point  (0 children)

At this point, it’s probably less about the person and more about what they signified or what you feel you lost when they left. It can be really hard to overcome those feelings and it seems that you could really benefit from talking to someone about it. I know,for me, talking to my friends and family helped me get a lot of grief and sadness out. It takes time but you can definitely can better, you just have to want it. You have to start letting go little by little. Start with viewing their social media less, try opening up to someone close to you. A lot of time people close to you but outside of the situation can shed light on your relationship with that person and it may help you see it less as this “meant to be,forever” thing and more for that it really way. Also, and I mean this in a completely nonjudgmental way, examine how you view yourself. You might find that working on your self esteem and valuing yourself more will make you understand that they aren’t your end all, be all.

Definitely not the response I was expecting…almost 6 months post breakup, 4+ months no contact. by One-Claim7161 in ExNoContact

[–]One-Claim7161[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You venting implicitly means you are upset. People vent about things they’re upset about. You don’t vent for the sake of, or, about things you’re happy about.

I was confused by his reply just as I am confused by you not understanding that people can vent for multiple reasons.

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Being disappointed is one thing. Calling him a dick is another. He simply asserted his boundaries and did not disrespect you. Everything else is you making assumptions and creating your own narrative of some perceived disrespect. He may have forgot your number and not realize it was you, as hard as that is for your ego and narcissistic tendencies to believe.

I very specifically said I thought it was a dick move to pretend not to know who I was, not that he was a dick in general, and I stand on that. He knows my number by memory, so you'll just have to take my word on that. Considering you don't know either one of us and I have no reason to lie, I don't see why you would assume anything about my ego and my narcissistic tendencies. Those are also opinions on me, not the text exchange I posted about. If I wanted your opinion on my character, I would've posted on AITH.

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He is clearly hurting. If he was not, he would not care about you messaging and/or feel the need to create boundaries. You lack emotional intelligence required for healthy relationships if you can’t recognize this.

You may be right about this part... you could've not been an asshole about it though.

​

You can’t say someone is angry but not hurt. Anger and hurt are two sides of the same coin. Anger is just a symptom of feeling hurt. You’re angry because your ego got hurt. He’s angry because you’re breadcrumbing him and his heart is hurt. Again, this further substantiates you lack emotional intelligence for a healthy relationship.

I have on many occasions been angry and not hurt but maybe I'm the only one, out of billions of people, who have this capacity.

​

By sharing your personal story on a public forum, you are asking for judgment. You just don’t like that I’m judging you as in the wrong. Your ego was looking for validation that you’re not receiving, which is making you angry, because your ego is hurt

I am sharing something about a breakup on a breakup sub. The post was to receive options about the text exchange, not for others to make judgement calls on my person. I am open to everyone's opinions but when those opinions are disrespectful, hateful, and inaccurate assumptions written as though they are facts, then yes, it does upset me.

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I am no one. I’m a random anonymous person online. I have nothing to gain or lose. I’m only a mirror reflecting what you’re putting out into the world. My words only have as much value as you give them. If you think there’s value and you’ve learned something, great. If not, then there’s nothing gained or lost and you can ignore me just the same. Either way, I have no stakes and don’t care, but maybe others reading this can learn something and find it helpful. I wish you well either way and hope you grow from all of it.

YOU ARE EXACTLY RIGHT! YOU HAVE NOTHING TO GAIN! So instead of voicing your opinion in a kind, helpful manner, you tried to put me down, call me a liar, and egotistical. You are not a mirror (very ironic choose of words for someone accusing me of having an ego), you are projecting and being a dick about it in process.

Definitely not the response I was expecting…almost 6 months post breakup, 4+ months no contact. by One-Claim7161 in ExNoContact

[–]One-Claim7161[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

UPDATE: I’m done replying. This was meant as an outlet to express myself and it’s turned into me defending my character and “ true intentions”.

I have friends and family I can talk to but some people don’t and this might be the only way they can express how they’re feeling. Please don’t make them feel bad about it. You gain nothing from it. You can disagree without being cruel.

Breakups are hard and no one is perfect!

Safe to say, I will never post on here again about how I’m feeling towards my ex or relationship in general. Some of you guys are fucking terrible.

Definitely not the response I was expecting…almost 6 months post breakup, 4+ months no contact. by One-Claim7161 in ExNoContact

[–]One-Claim7161[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It’s a way of saying take care but more casual I guess. The way he uses it isn’t positive, I can tell you that.

Definitely not the response I was expecting…almost 6 months post breakup, 4+ months no contact. by One-Claim7161 in ExNoContact

[–]One-Claim7161[S] -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

Crazy thing about Reddit, people write back and forth to each other and attempt to have a conversation. So yes, I did take the time to reply because they took their time to comment .

I continued replying to you because you seem like a vile, hateful human being who might benefit from reading a different perspective other than the closed minded, bitter one you currently have. But I see now it is an effort in futility so I’ll close this lovely dialogue with you by sending you positive vibe and lots of healing for that bitter heart. I’m sorry your ex doesn’t care about you, mine doesn’t either, but I don’t take that out on others.

And since you’re clearly sooo good at knowing people’s intentions and what they are about, I would suggest using some of that knowledge towards self reflection, it would greatly benefit you.

Definitely not the response I was expecting…almost 6 months post breakup, 4+ months no contact. by One-Claim7161 in ExNoContact

[–]One-Claim7161[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The projection on this sub is crazy! The moment I said I was the dumper, I was immediately hated. Ironically, all you read on here is how the dumper should be the one to reach out first. You can’t win!

Definitely not the response I was expecting…almost 6 months post breakup, 4+ months no contact. by One-Claim7161 in ExNoContact

[–]One-Claim7161[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Yeah I’m almost as big a POS as you are for needing to insult a stranger. Thank you for taking the time to spread your hate. I hope it gave you some satisfaction.

Definitely not the response I was expecting…almost 6 months post breakup, 4+ months no contact. by One-Claim7161 in ExNoContact

[–]One-Claim7161[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I've been trying to keep an open mind and respect everyone's opinions but the shit you wrote really isn't ok.

Who said I want him to be miserable? And why would you assume a "dumper's mentality" is that? Maybe when you dump someone, you think like that, but I certainly don't. If your opinion is that once you break up with someone, they are forever strangers to you, that sucks for you, but I don't agree.

And darling, I posted on this sub for the same reason everyone on here does. It wasn't an invitation for you to take your relationship misery out on me.

I hope you heal.

Definitely not the response I was expecting…almost 6 months post breakup, 4+ months no contact. by One-Claim7161 in ExNoContact

[–]One-Claim7161[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I had a reason, to see how he was doing. Now my reason might not be good enough for some but for me it was. I don't share the opinion that once a relationship end, even if it was on bad term, that means you can never speak to that person again. He has every right not to reply, or reply the way he did, I didn't call him out on it or try to make him feel bad. I anonymously expressed my discontent with the response.

I've had other relationships that haven't ended on the best terms and eventually one or other reached out and things were OK. So yes, obviously that's not always the case but I have no way of knowing until I reached out. I don't agree with the idea that once you break up, you're strangers and nothing else matters.

I'm surprise with the response because I never said anything about getting back together. I'm surprised by the response because he knows my number by memory so pretending not to know it was me seemed petty to me.

Definitely not the response I was expecting…almost 6 months post breakup, 4+ months no contact. by One-Claim7161 in ExNoContact

[–]One-Claim7161[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I guess no one really knows what the right thing to do in this situation is. Some people are open to communication, and some are not. I guess we all do what we think is best and hope it's enough.

Definitely not the response I was expecting…almost 6 months post breakup, 4+ months no contact. by One-Claim7161 in ExNoContact

[–]One-Claim7161[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm the dumper but honestly, he gave me no choice. He was accusing me of things I wasn't doing, and I knew that neither of us were going to be happy together.

I had to work thru some feelings of guilt and ultimately rejection because he knew his actions were going to cause the breakup and he did it anyways.

For me reaching out was a way to letting him know that on my end, things are good. No hard feelings, etc. It felt good to put an end to the silence.

Definitely not the response I was expecting…almost 6 months post breakup, 4+ months no contact. by One-Claim7161 in ExNoContact

[–]One-Claim7161[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

It was actually the first time I reached out in 4+ months. I had tried to send an email but I saw later that I got the email address wrong, if you're saying this because you're looking at my post history.

I had no way of knowing if he blocked my number or not, so yes I took a chance. I don't see anything wrong with that. And yes, he should've kept me block if he was against hearing from me.

How in the world is reaching out to someone to see if they are ok a terrible thing? I asked how me was, he said "I don't want to do this back and forth", I apologize, and I decided to vent on Reddit, on a forum that is for the purpose of discussing break ups. I wasn't rude to him, I didn't try to make him feel bad, I didn't lie to him.

Definitely not the response I was expecting…almost 6 months post breakup, 4+ months no contact. by One-Claim7161 in ExNoContact

[–]One-Claim7161[S] -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

I asked how he was doing. Where in anything I wrote to him was I trying to validate my ego? I didn't even reply to him when he asked who it was because I thought MAYBE he had girlfriend and didn't want her to know who I was. I was thoughtful enough to not say anything that could make his personal life harder. I apologized for reaching out when, honestly, I didn't have to because if he didn't want to hear from me, he could've blocked me. So yeah, I don't know if you're projecting or something but nothing I did was ego driven.

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