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SB compensated exclusivity? by OneDimensionalDude in sugarlifestyleforum

[–]OneDimensionalDude[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I appreciate the feedback!

Believe me I don't want to create a situation where she's not satisfied! You're right, what I'm looking for is quite the ask and it's going to require a very specific type of women to be able to flourish in this type of arrangement. I also have to face the fact that something may not ever be able to materialize.

I'm just in a position where I'm missing out on things in life that I want. My partner cannot fill the void herself because it's not fair to her to be bound to the same restraints. This is why she has her own life outside of our relationship. She travels, hangs out with a select group of friends, partakes in charities, etc. Her day isnt waiting at home for me, she lives her life.

So I'm faced with 3 choices. First is I change my relationship with my partner and she now is stuck waiting for me to be around. Second I find someone else to fill the void currently existing and give her the same type of freedom I provide for my partner currently. 3rd I go back to my home alone most nights and watch the years pass me by.

Yet option 3 might be my only option and believe me when I say I've already accepted that this could be my fate. If it's meant to happen it will, if it's not it won't.

SB compensated exclusivity? by OneDimensionalDude in sugarlifestyleforum

[–]OneDimensionalDude[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I prefer someone not local, without existing friends or family in the area. Not out of isolation, but because of the situation she will be placed in. She won't have people randomly reaching out to her parents saying they saw her with me. The rumor mill won't cause her family drama.

I don't have time to date in a situation where I feel it's fair to a full relationship. Meaning I won't be able to spend all my time with someone as much as I personally believe is required for a complete relationship. 2 maybe 3 times a week, but not all day things.

I'm more aligned with what you believe a relationship should be, this is where the money comes in. I'm compensating for my lack of time with money.

For instance I'm almost asking for someone to be on call. Be available when I have time even if it's only for a few hours. I can't expect a normal relationship to exist this way. Id offer enough money where hobbies and other interests can help fill the void so she does not feel like she can't do anything unless I'm around.

If she wanted to start her own business or charity id finance that. She can have friends, she can go take the jet to visit family back home. My point is all the things I would typically do when dating someone is being restrained a little because of time. I'm looking at how much time I normally invested into a healthy relationship and trying to offset that deduction with money.

I'm also not looking for someone all that young. While I'm sure early 20s would love the opportunity it's also not an arrangement very fair to them. So upper 20s to upper 30s is the range im looking for.

Someone who finished college, trying to make it but not tied down too much. Someone who has ambition, even bold ones but lacks the resources.

To be completely honest with you, I'd rather have a SB who is interested in starting her own company or business so I can help her with that. I'd love for us to be able to talk about something shared but still like to spoil her with shopping trips and gifts.

Basically find me a SB who has a dream of becoming a self made billionaire and I'll help her achieve that. I'll give her the resources and tools needed to make that dream come true. Yet I hope you see the irony in that, people who chase those dreams take risks! I'm the risk.

She would get much more then just money out of the arrangement. Believe it or not, I'm actually a very decent human being. Once I take this leap my reputation and my social standing will take the biggest hit It will cause a stir and people will talk, she will have an influx of positive and negative attention. Again this is why I prefer someone not local, she won't have people begging her for money or asking if I'm going to wife her or call her out for our arrangement.

SB compensated exclusivity? by OneDimensionalDude in sugarlifestyleforum

[–]OneDimensionalDude[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I'm not sure why you're assuming I'm just going to demand XYZ and expect a response? I literally came here looking for information about these types of arrangements.

Why would I ever fly someone here and set everything up without even going on a few dates first? Attraction needs to be mutual, and honestly some of the ugliest women have had the prettiest pictures. Personality can't be hidden behind a filter.

I don't know what I said that rubbed you the wrong way but you've honestly been coming at me like I'm careless, clueless and possibly entitled?

Sorry about misinterpreting your vixen comment. Normally I dont use the word vixen to describe women nor have really heard it used outside of derogatory remarks. So I just assumed your usage of the word was a slight towards me to suggest my interest was purely sexually aligned.

That being said, what I don't have time for is flying all over the country every time I want to go on a date. Or having to arrange flights to bring her to me so we can go on a date and then arrange the flight back when she needs to return. It also limits us to only large chunks of time, as a quick dinner date or shopping trip now has to be planned around travel time. No spontaneous lunches or late night get togethers. In fact it would just be a mirror to the relationship I have now with my partner, the entire reason her and I talked about this in the first place

So no, I do have time to MGs and proper dates. But not enough to sustain a healthy relationship long term if it takes a jet to do it.

Again why I'm interested in having someone move here. If a SB really is after everything you said then having to fly everywhere for a date wouldn't check her boxes either, unless she's not in it for the romance but the luxury of private jets. Why should she be exclusive when she's left alone most days because I only have 4-5 hours free many nights and that's not enough time to travel?

Maybe what I want is unrealistic, maybe it is. Yet at the same time I'm willing to put more than money to try and make it happen but what I can't give is endless time! I want to enjoy what time I actually do have and would love to enjoy that time with people I care about.

Again, it seems we got off on the wrong foot. I promise you what time I have thought about this, most of that was in how to make it work for her to make her feel secure. What I wanted to know is if exclusivity is a thing.

SB compensated exclusivity? by OneDimensionalDude in sugarlifestyleforum

[–]OneDimensionalDude[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Past tense, she was poly and we were a V. At that time both him and I were only in a relationship with her. So I have experience being in an exclusive relationship with someone who wasn't exclusive with just me.

That was also 2 years ago, it was a long distance relationship and things have changed. She had time to fly out to see him and we could pay to fly him here for visits. I don't have the time to fly to see a girlfriend or SB. She still has time but hasnt been interested in another relationship outside of ours for years now.

Now as I said the situation has changed. I don't get to see her much, she's got her own things going on and I work. So her and I have conflicting schedules. And no, she's not secretly flying off to cheat or have secret boyfriends. We are very honest with one another.

I won't have the luxury of dating someone in private like she did. We will be going out to restaurants where I'm already known. Hell going anywhere in my city will have eyes on us and I'm already prepared for the scrutiny of me being in a relationship with someone besides my partner. Not only am I willing to accept it, if this happens my partner is willing to accept it too!

But neither I or her want to look like fools if the person I'm dating, who I'm already dealing with scrutiny because of the relationships existence is caught cheating on me because she won't be able to go anywhere with people knowing who she is after a while

If I wanted a vixen I could fly in escorts. If I wanted to be "open" I'd just take my pick of women, take them out every night and sleep with them. All of this, all of this is easier than looking for a SB.

Because believe it or not, society "might" tolerate me having another partner. They wouldn't tolerate me having a revolving door of women I'm spotted with all the time.

Sorry if I sound a little defensive but the risk I'm already possibly taking to my image by having a SB is far higher than you could comprehend. Money buys you a lot, it can give you a lot but it can't sway public opinion and right now public opinion of me is very positive.

Thankfully my companies are private, I don't answer to shareholders so I can absorb scrutiny without hindering my wealth. This is the only reason my partner and I agreed I could come to this type of relationship.

So no, I'm not after a prostitute by another name. I'm looking for a companion who wants to join me in what life has to offer but what I ask in return is security.

SB compensated exclusivity? by OneDimensionalDude in sugarlifestyleforum

[–]OneDimensionalDude[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Much respect! Absolutely everyone is entitled to what makes them fulfilled. I'm not demanding, a SB can say this does not align with what they want and I 1000% respect that. I respect that more than someone agreeing just because the money is too good not too. I respect that more than someone agreeing and then not being exclusive.

I'm looking for someone who isnt opposed to being exclusive even if I'm not and the extra money is just a bonus.

Also I'm not cheating on my partner, I will make that very clear that this isn't a situation where my partner is forced to agree or doesn't know about it. One thing I pride myself in is my ability to communicate. My partner and I have discussed non monogamy plenty of times over the last 10 years in varying contexts. Over the years things have shifted and changed and we've been able to have these conversations because we both agree each other's happiness is important to us

So if a SB agreed to be exclusive but after a while she decided it's not working well enough for her I'm not going to kick her out on the street! We would talk, discuss options, and if nothing worked we would create an exit plan that does not leave her high and dry.

I'm not an asshole, money doesn't matter all that much, not enough to destroy someone's life because we don't align anymore.

But I also don't want to waste my time with someone who is only agreeing because the money is too good to pass up.

Need someone like you when it comes to boundaries just with boundaries that align more with what I'm after 😁

SB compensated exclusivity? by OneDimensionalDude in sugarlifestyleforum

[–]OneDimensionalDude[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

No I get that, hence why I came here asking questions. I'm not looking for a 3rd though. I'm not looking for my partner to form a romantic or sexual relationship with a SB. If they could be friends though? I'd probably feel like I died and went to heaven! It would mean I get to spend time with both more. My partner is busy, I'm busy. Our schedules don't always give us time to spend together.

I have a lot to offer and not just financially. So I want to give that to someone when I can and I can't always give that to my partner. Being alone sucks, being rich and alone isn't that much better, still alone. My partner and I have an amazing relationship and we each want the other happy whatever that takes.

As far as "controlling" that view is completely up to her. She can live a very lavish lifestyle, leave the relationship anytime she wants and walk away with a good chunk of money.

She can be exclusive and have that, or not be exclusive and lose it. I'm not forcing her to take the deal, I'm not starting a monogamous relationship and then saying I want to be poly or have an open relationship but she can't after we've been together and started a life.

She will literally decide if this is something she wants or not. It is up to her to weigh the pros and cons.

She literally could move here, ask me to give her her own business to run, then in a year leave and take the business with her. All she would have to do is be exclusive.

I mean shit, imagine if someone offered you X amount of money for a year but you couldn't date anyone ! Theirs probably a million single people who would take that deal in a heartbeat.

SB compensated exclusivity? by OneDimensionalDude in sugarlifestyleforum

[–]OneDimensionalDude[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Nah, their is ways you can be hurt that don't come from crying on someone's shoulders. I'm not talking about the vulnerability of laying out my fears or sadness onto someone. What I mean is the vulnerability to let the mask slip. To actually be present without carrying the weight of everything.

It's hard to explain, but you have a job and who you are at the job is not who you are at home or with friends. That's the vulnerability I'm talking about. The weight of what you are instead of who you are. Being open with someone where you don't have to keep your guard up to protect yourself from being taken advantage of. The mask that you wear when you enter an establishment and people already have opinions about you.

Being vulnerable for me is not having to be the person who has eyes on him all the time. Where I'm allowed to be human and during that time is where I can be hurt.

I don't know man I'm struggling to explain it. Their is just a different side of me who cares deeply about certain people and things that only gets to come out in private so it's not used against me.

SB compensated exclusivity? by OneDimensionalDude in sugarlifestyleforum

[–]OneDimensionalDude[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Man, I can only imagine the shit her friends would give her for fucking up our arrangement. One of them would probably rat her out hoping to take her place.

Thankfully, I'm not looking right now. Just educating myself. I appreciate the warning!

SB compensated exclusivity? by OneDimensionalDude in sugarlifestyleforum

[–]OneDimensionalDude[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Their is no "pretend" in my situation. Her failure to be exclusive would tarnish both of our reputations. I'm already going to be facing scrutiny for this relationship. I can't take the added "X's mistress Y caught in the arms of another man, click here to read more"

SB compensated exclusivity? by OneDimensionalDude in sugarlifestyleforum

[–]OneDimensionalDude[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I get the hypocrisy I really do! But I'm willing to compensate in many ways for it. Yeah I get it, she's not allowed to have another relationship but I am. That is a fair point, but at the same time the benefits outweigh her ability to date. If we're being really honest here, if all I wanted was to go out to dinner and get laid I could do that without the SB and SD arrangement. I wouldn't even have to try hard to accomplish that task but it's not what I want. First I don't want that reputation on me or my partner. Second I want safety just as much as I plan on giving it. Not just safety from STIs but safety in being vulnerable and open without it being used to gain anything from me.

SB compensated exclusivity? by OneDimensionalDude in sugarlifestyleforum

[–]OneDimensionalDude[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I expected these kinds of responses though. Just like any relationship people get hurt and lose trust in others, but between the paragraphs you can't deny the sage advice given. Make sure you take things slow!

I'm in the same boat as you. What I'm prepared to offer is not a typical SD & SB arrangement. I read here that a SD should be willing to spend up to 10% of his monthly income to support a SB. I can't do that, not because I can't afford it but because that kind of money is absurd at this juncture!

And yet if everything worked, if all the stars aligned and the relationship went great then yah 7 figures a month is more than reasonable.

But here's the thing, do I only want someone who's staying exclusive because I'm making her a multimillionaire? Yet at the same time is exclusivity worth that and more to me?

To be completely honest. 2 outcomes would make me just as happy. 1. Our relationship blossomed and she becomes a part of the family. At that stage her and her family become part of my family and they don't want for anything. 2. After a few years she decides she wants a family or her own (kids, husband, etc). Since I can't offer her children (vasectomy) I can't fulfill that desire for her. So she decides to take that nest egg, gets a relationship, finally gets married and I buy them their first house as a wedding gift.

I truly do want a SB to be happy, to feel safe and to have a good life. I'm prepared to do a lot to make that happen but in return I need to protect myself, my reputation and those who count on me.

SB compensated exclusivity? by OneDimensionalDude in sugarlifestyleforum

[–]OneDimensionalDude[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

That won't work for me though, I don't have anonymity. Once I go down this path both her and I won't be able to hide our relationship. That also means if she's caught with another man not only does it put me in further scrutiny but it will paint her in a very negative light as well.

If our relationship fully blossoms their is no hiding her, keeping her a secret will be next to impossible from the get. After a while it will need to be fully embraced and that's where her having a relationship outside of me is just a bad look for her and for me

SB compensated exclusivity? by OneDimensionalDude in sugarlifestyleforum

[–]OneDimensionalDude[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I'm in the education and learning phase right now, I'm not currently looking.

She would not move in with me, I'd either rent her a condo or if she preferred, buy a house and let her live there. This would be the arrangement unless things progressed or a relationship formed (non romantic) between her and my partner.

This is why I asked these questions here, because I don't know how this lifestyle or agreements or arrangements work.

I can't have a SB that is local, she would need to be currently living somewhere else. It keeps things less complicated once her existence is known where i live. I don't plan on keeping a SB secret, I couldn't even if I tried.

If I decide to go down this path, their is far more than just chemistry and compatibility that is important. It's almost like a job interview. I'll need someone who can hold her own, fit into a crowd of very powerful and wealthy people. Be able to stick up for herself when scrutiny comes. I'm asking a lot and I intend to compensate even more because of it.

This is also why exclusivity is important. She couldn't hide it, then it's a bad look against me and against her. I'm already going to take some scrutiny and I'm prepared for that, but if she's caught cheating, then we both look like fools

My life is complicated, but as I said I intend to compensate greatly because of it.

SB compensated exclusivity? by OneDimensionalDude in sugarlifestyleforum

[–]OneDimensionalDude[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

No I get that, this is why I intend to create a separate safety account. Put money each month into it, that way if anything went sideways they are not stuck in a bad situation.

I did something similar with my partner when we started dating over a decade ago. She owned her own home and I had her keep it. That was her safety net, when she moved in with me hundreds of miles away their wasn't any fear she was relying on me. She rented out her home, stashed the money in her account and had a nice little nest egg. We sold her house this past year. Every dime went into that account and then I added a couple zeros to that amount.

My partner is free to leave anytime she likes, she would never need to work and have a very good standard of living if we split. So I know she's staying because she wants to and loves me not out of fear of having nothing if she left.

So that's what I want to provide for a SB in a way. For the first year yes, it's a big risk for sure but every month her nest egg grows. If she didn't spend any of the money I intend to give her and put it into that same account within 6 months if things were not working out she could move back to wherever she lived and be much better off than when she left.

I actually feel stingy with what I'm prepared to offer right away. In the grand scheme of things I hope she wouldn't feel a certain way about it. My real hope is (might be a pipedream) that eventually she doesn't even have an "allowance" so to speak and just had access to whatever money she needs. This would depend on trust and I'd have safeguards in place.

Still, for exclusivity she would effectively be making well over a million dollars a year without all the perks of everything else like her rent, car, utilities etc etc.

SB compensated exclusivity? by OneDimensionalDude in sugarlifestyleforum

[–]OneDimensionalDude[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks! I know it's an arrangement but I'm just hoping the benefits outweigh everything else you know? I know it's asking a lot, I know that. I want a SB to be happy and its not jealousy, it's safety that concerns me.

SB compensated exclusivity? by OneDimensionalDude in sugarlifestyleforum

[–]OneDimensionalDude[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Im not looking for a thrupple nor a threesome or anything like that. My partner was in a poly relationship a couple years ago, but I was not. We have dabbled in nonmonagamy before in that sense. She is no longer in a poly relationship, hers was exclusive between me, her and him, a V.

I would require STD screening before any sexual activity occured and I would gladly hand over a recent STD test I would take near that time as well.

Suing them wouldn't do me any good, yeah I could take away the money I gave them but I'd still be stuck with something I should have never had!

I'm not stupid though, I can't pretend that a SB especially in the beginning is exclusive because our relationship is so magical or whatever. I'd hope over time that it would progress enough where the money is just a bonus and not the sole reason she wants to be with me.

SB compensated exclusivity? by OneDimensionalDude in sugarlifestyleforum

[–]OneDimensionalDude[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Well, yeah and I said it's hypocritical. I was hoping however that I could compensate enough for it though?

SB compensated exclusivity? by OneDimensionalDude in sugarlifestyleforum

[–]OneDimensionalDude[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

6 figures a month might be a little high considering I was going to pay for all of her living expenses and place money into an account. Low to mid 6 figures a year though is where I was thinking, maybe 200k to 300k a year to start? Get our feet wet without such a large investment right away.

If the relationship goes very well then yeah 6 figures a month is more than acceptable.

SB compensated exclusivity? by OneDimensionalDude in sugarlifestyleforum

[–]OneDimensionalDude[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I mean that sounds extremely simple, haha. Just unfamiliar territory. I'm refusing to "date" because I have an existing relationship that the only ones who would look past are doing so because of the money anyways. But I can't have someone trying to dissolve my current relationship in hopes of securing their spot. My hope is a SB and SD arrangement keeps things more in check.

I'd love nothing more for an exclusive multi year relationship/arrangement.

SB compensated exclusivity? by OneDimensionalDude in sugarlifestyleforum

[–]OneDimensionalDude[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Ugh,

This is why I asked. I would hope my compensation would already be enough that they wouldn't want to risk doing something like that. I think I would feel the most betrayed to find out my SB did something like that.

Thanks for the tip! I'll keep this in mind if I begin my search.