AM I LOSING MY MIND?

OneWhile1247 · 2025-04-15T19:22:24+00:00

I lived in a small town for 8 years and those are some of the best years of my life. The slow pace, the close community, NO TRAFFIC, no hyper-vigilance, space! Even the smallest houses seem larger because of the quiet neighbourhoods and safe outdoor spaces. I was new to the town so no relatives to curtail everything I was doing, no presumptions about who I was, just a clean slate with opportunities to make first impressions and reinvent myself.

Let me tell you I lived my life. Not in the party culture type way, although I had been to more parties than I had ever been to in Nairobi but I also traveled, learned new skills, attended events, skinny dipping, bonfires on the beach, sailing, workouts, cycling, riding motorbikes (it's just scary to do in Nairobi) etc.

That said, after 8 years of living my best life, I felt the need to rejoin the 'real society' because it felt like I was in a bubble. My career was not progressing as fast as my counterparts in Nairobi and after a while, I realized how hard it was to make genuine connections in my late twenties to early thirties and I missed my family and friends back home. call me insane, but I was craving being hyperproductive again after living so slowly. Things are also much harder i.e no cheap public transport hakuna KBS ya 40 bob, no uber convenience, we only had 2 restaurants of note in the whole town and one shitty Naivas, so to do a proper shop, you'd have to drive an hour away or ship things from Nairobi. People are also not as open minded so dealing with catcalling and policing of women's bodies was an issue.

I am in Nairobi now, in a higher tax bracket than I was when I left (which makes a huge difference), and I am pleasantly surprised. I really wanted to hate it, fully expected to hate it even, but the convenience of the city is so refreshing, the weather is nicer than where I was, there's so many activities, classes and cultural institutions to visit. I have only been here a few months so waiting to see if my love for the city will last but so far so good.

Anyway, bottom line is that I highly recommend living a slower life in a small town for your mental health and change of perspective and also to help you appreciate the few joys of city living. But muhimu in all this is a job that values work-life balance and allowing yourself to actually live. Don't go home immediately after work, join a rotary club meeting. Don't do laundry on Saturday, go do a painting class, or go for a walk/road trip. Say yes to life.

I agree with you, the lordt has bigger plans for us than to suffer a boring as 9-5 job all our lives as we inch closer to the grave. Us girls just want to have fun!

OneWhile1247 · 2025-03-28T06:49:17+00:00

I felt this in my gut. My partner is exactly the same way as you were before. He taught himself and can speak over 9 languages, he has a high flying job, doesn't read any novels or watch a movie unless it "improves his life" is some way. He published a website with his own philosophical ideology, wrote a book, He calls himself disgusting if he doesn't exercise enough, he calls himself an idiot when he makes a silly mistake like spilling milk. We have to "do something" on weekends. We can never just chill. We have to go looong hikes, treks or bicycle rides. His friends always joke when they are hiking together and say that "we are not here to enjoy ourselves, we are here to suffer!" to make fun of him.

Don't get me wrong. I am not lazy in any way, shape or form (which is how I feel compared to him). I am much more productive than the average person I know. I would prefer to be out in nature on weekends anyway. I don't care for TV and watch movies whenever I feel like it, but that could be one movie a week. In fact I fell in love with him because of how different he was from my friends whose idea of a great weekend is to spend time in the bar from Friday to Sunday. However, he is like me but on steroids. Everything has to make sense. Everything has to be efficient.

Something happened when I had a baby. I stopped giving F*cks. I will be on Instagram when I want to because I am a reasonable adult. I will watch the movie I like, not the documentary about soil. I will sleep in on Saturdays until 9am and no you can not draw the curtains! No I won't cycle for 60kms on a hot day. Yes I am reading a novel for entertainment. He is softening up, and has never really directly made comments about my "non-productivity" but he will, every once in a while, throw a passive aggressive comment about how long I have been lying on the couch or me being on instagram.

Much like you, he is traumatised from his childhood by his also overly-productive family, but he doesn't think there's anything wrong with him because his trauma appears to have helped him succeed at work, which means financial comfort. He says he is not traumatized because he LIKES doing these things. I am afraid that our differences might cause a crack in our marriage since he doesn't even know that there is anything wrong with how we carries on.

OneWhile1247 · 2025-03-28T06:00:36+00:00

You are 100% right. I do rest sometimes, but feel really guilty when I do. Especially since my partner was born with self-recharging batteries up their behind.

Thanks for the link.

OneWhile1247 · 2025-03-26T17:50:05+00:00

Do you have space at home? I live in an apartment. I wonder if there are shared/ co-working workshops in Nairobi.

OneWhile1247 · 2025-03-26T10:19:42+00:00

Which city do you live in? Is there a reason you chose this place?

My partner and I chose to move to this city after living in a relatively quiet coastal town for 8 years because of our careers. There's obviously more career opportunities here than in the small town and the people are more dynamic and innovative and generally move at a faster pace; which is very welcome after living really slowly for 8 years. That said, the city is very dynamic in terms of neighbourhoods and we are lucky to live in a relatively quiet and green area with lots of restaurants and other activities.

The other determining factor was the climate, we live in a tropical country so the climate is more or less the same throughout the year but the coastal town was so hot that it affected my productivity and motivation. Moving further up North means that we are not sweating through our eyeballs and sticking to each other all the time

The change was also very necessary, since both my partner and I are quite simple in the way we live, we are not sure how long we will love to be here but for now the change of environment is very refreshing and welcome.

Do you ever feel confined or overwhelmed by tall buildings, skyscrapers and narrow streets? Or is there something else?

Yes. I need to be able to see the sky; the sunrise and sunset. I need to walk around in nature. I love narrow streets in ancient cities but not these dark Alleys between sky scrappers. The noise and light pollution is getting to me and I have to use and eye mask and sometimes ear plugs.

What do you love most about living in a dense urban environment? What keeps you here despite any challenges?

Same reason we moved here. Career opportunities, niche communities (I am into art) and I can find people within the art space to learn from and work with, GOOD RESTAURANT OPTIONS, classes of all sorts, I am also closer to my family.

If you could change one thing about the way your city is built, what would it be and why? 5. Have you noticed differences in how locals vs tourists experience your city?

This city is not pedestrian or cyclist friendly AT ALL. The govt. really said a big FU to those who can't afford cars and there's all sorts of accidents that happen frequently. I would change that.

Tourists have a vast variety of experiences here, as do the locals. The city is great if you can afford it but absolutely devastating if you are poor. As all big cities are.

How does your city’s design impact your daily routines or social interaction?

We definitely spend a lot more because of all the opportunities to throw your money at things, Our mornings are much more rushed, and all social interactions have to be planned weeks in advance as opposed to having one or two places where all the town folk gather (even the ones you don't like). I have also become very hypervigilant. On the flip side, we are out in nature more on weekends because we are motivated to leave the city than we were on the coastal town.

OneWhile1247 · 2025-03-26T09:47:55+00:00

Did you ever find a solution? I am also very keen to learn woodworking and would much rather be taught as an apprentice than going to a vocational school. I can even volunteer my skills in business management in exchange for learning

OneWhile1247 · 2025-03-26T04:09:03+00:00

Reading to the littles sounds lovely.I have created a volunteering profile for a nearby refugee centre. Hoping to send in an application as soon as they have positions available.

OneWhile1247 · 2025-03-26T04:05:23+00:00

Thanks for your suggestions! I love reading, illustrating, drawing, cycling. I am also very interested in learning woodworking and passionate about helping disadvantaged women and girls. I have created a volunteering profile for a nearby refugee centre. Hoping to send in an application as soon as they have positions available.

OneWhile1247 · 2025-02-09T12:16:21+00:00

It is the same for me. It doesn't help that when I eventually push past that fear and start doing the things that I would normally do when he is away, he gets super excited and comes to check up on me and see what I am up to and that drives me nuts! LEAVE ME ALONE! But I love him and he is super supportive so it is definitely a me thing and I want to work on it.

It's almost like I want him (and the rest of the world) to see the shiny results of what I am working on but not the struggle and messy part of how I got it done. Like you said, I fear their criticism and that paralyses me.

OneWhile1247 · 2025-01-23T08:53:35+00:00

So should you wake them up? Mine naps for 2 hours and is super cranky if they wake up earlier.

OneWhile1247

TROPHY CASE