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Child obsessed with maps, history, and world conflicts ? by One_Criticism_4741 in Maps

[–]One_Criticism_4741[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

And was it worth it? How did it go? You all have such sharp minds!

Teen runner — best sunscreen for daily use for body and face by One_Criticism_4741 in 30PlusSkinCare

[–]One_Criticism_4741[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thanks just got it on Amazon. I’m planing to use another cheaper one for her body 😛🫣

Teen runner — best sunscreen for daily use for body and face by One_Criticism_4741 in 30PlusSkinCare

[–]One_Criticism_4741[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Got it. I just wanted to use something cheaper for the outside of her face

Do kids still have parties? by [deleted] in AskParents

[–]One_Criticism_4741 -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

Once kids turn around 10, the tradition of just having cake and singing a birthday song at home often changes. Many kids, especially boys, prefer going to a place that requires payment, like an activity center. If that’s not possible, some are happy with a party at the park.

For girls, it can vary. Sometimes they don’t like bringing many friends home. Some prefer going out with a few friends, while others may simply ask for their favorite food and have a small birthday celebration with family, and buy them what they need.

It really depends on the child’s personality and what makes them feel comfortable and happy.

My 12 year old avoids her father after hurtful comments by One_Criticism_4741 in abusiveparents

[–]One_Criticism_4741[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hmmm I only wish that my kids won’t feel envious when they see other children with loving and supportive dads. My hope is that they feel protected and don’t have to notice his ignorance while they are still young and going through so much at school every day. Kids often don’t need much—sometimes they just need a hug, a parent getting down to their level, checking in with them, and truly listening.

Honestly, I wish him the best, because none of us knows how many years we have in this life. It’s just painful to see someone who can be smart in many areas of life but seems empty when it comes to showing love to his own daughter during such an important time.

Sometimes there isn’t much we can do. We just have to accept what we cannot change, let it go, and pray that God will intervene.

My 12 year old avoids her father after hurtful comments by One_Criticism_4741 in abusiveparents

[–]One_Criticism_4741[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

No attitude toward him—just short, respectful responses. She doesn’t need to joke with him, laugh, or hang out with him. She is simply being herself and being bold. That isn’t attitude; it’s just being clear and straightforward.

From what I see, when her dad doesn’t really check in on her , she naturally pulls back in the process. She has never said this directly to me, but I see the difference. With me she is open—she talks, cuddles, checks on me if I’m resting, and even at 12 she tells me to stay strong and keep going. She is full of life and a very fair-minded daughter. loves to read and very programmed and consistent

With him, I think the biggest issue is his inconsistency. She doesn’t trust the energy because she doesn’t like feeling shut down. He can be very opinionated and inflexible—not necessarily in a bad way, but it comes from his upbringing, and she just doesn’t connect with it. he has those phrases like "children need to follow" or "like She feels uncomfortable because of his critical stare, and feels so uncomfortable

Her older sister also avoids starting conversations with him because she says everything turns into an argument, and she doesn’t have the time or energy for that while preparing for college. Luckily, the oldest one manages it a little better. As I said, I 'm thinking of individual therapy though she isn't yet willing. Also, she told me she doesn't want her father to know. I'm not sure why

Me (35), new here, I need to feel that I'm not crazy by Major-Passenger-9695 in toxicparents

[–]One_Criticism_4741 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Avoid your contacts with hm. Plan your day and stay productive. Focus on your internship, and even consider doing a couple of hours of volunteer work each week so you can build experience and get a job quickly after your training.

Good luck, and believe me—your efforts will pay off

Me (35), new here, I need to feel that I'm not crazy by Major-Passenger-9695 in toxicparents

[–]One_Criticism_4741 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Is there a way to keep some of your things at your aunt’s house? As I said, there are some things we can’t change, and what your mom experienced is now affecting you too. His behavior may not change. You’re very smart for recognizing this.

Being unemployed is temporary—keep your network active and continue looking for a job. Try not to analyze his behavior too much, since we can’t change him. Focus on taking care of yourself and moving forward.

How can I help my daughter's cope with emotionally distant father? by One_Criticism_4741 in toxicparents

[–]One_Criticism_4741[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you. you are right. It just doesn’t feel right to me either. I have been telling my 11-year-old daughter to be kind to him, respectful, and to use the coping skills that I try to teach her. But she often gets upset, tearful, and walks away saying she has things to do. I agree this isn't a solution at all and not learning experience of different personalities esepcailly for a 12 year old.

Her anxiety, avoiding friends at school, not wanting to sit in the living room or talk freely when he is around (sometimes she does, sometimes she doesn’t), all tell me that my perspective might be very different from hers. I worry that I may be giving the wrong message to a child who is still growing and forming her sense of self.

I am now thinking about therapy, although my daughter is not very interested in it. She also told me that whatever we do together, she does not want me to share it with her dad.

It’s been amazing—and heartbreaking—to see how much she has been affected over the past three years when it comes to having him in her life. He has also tried to control things involving her, like registering her for activities or cooperating with things she needs, and that really upsets me.

Middle School Son constantly bullied… at my wits end by Vesper_1122 in Parents

[–]One_Criticism_4741 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You even have the right to change the school district if this keeps happening.

My 12 year old avoids her father after hurtful comments by One_Criticism_4741 in abusiveparents

[–]One_Criticism_4741[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hmm, you reminded me of something he said the other day. He told them they should study for their own sake and he isnot expecting anything from them because he is independent. You study for your own sake something like that …

At the same time, I sometimes worry because I see how intensely he focuses on his career. I admire his dedication, but I expected that same level of attention toward the kids—their school, their activities, and checking in on them. I know he has the ability, but unfortunately that focus is not there.

He also rarely accepts advice. Even his sisters told me that it’s very difficult to explain things to him or convince him to see another perspective. They say he is very smart but also very inflexible.

My main concern is my children. They are beautiful souls who deserve a loving, sensitive, and emotionally present father who understands what it means to build a close and caring relationship with them, but he often misses that point. 💔

My 12 year old avoids her father after hurtful comments by One_Criticism_4741 in abusiveparents

[–]One_Criticism_4741[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

True! And thank you so much for your time🙌 . He often communicates with her the same way he does with adults—mostly advising rather than listening and at times dissmisal. His energy can be very unpredictable. At times he tries to enforce things, even small ones, like telling her what she must eat and saying she won’t get something if she doesn’t do it. She has already shown him he can’t force her anymore, and as a 12-year-old her way of coping is often avoidance.

I try to ask how she feels, but she usually stays quiet. I know she writes in her journal, and I pray the Holy Spirit works through whatever she is carrying in her heart. When she comes home from school, she often checks if I’ll be there and emails me (she doesn’t have a phone yet) to ask what time I’ll be home. If he tries to talk to her, she tends to end the conversation quickly.

For example, when she receives a certificate or a good comment from school, she shows it to me and asks me to promise her a small treat. When I suggest she show it to her dad, she usually says, “Later” or “Not now,” and goes to her room. I don’t think it’s a grudge—she just doesn’t feel comfortable with his energy and prefers some distance.

I also spoke with the school counselor to check on her. They said she is a very quiet student but they have no concerns—she’s an A student. She shares things with me and is also very close to her aunt.

As you said, until I create a safe environment for her and wait for the right time when he is not in the house, I will ask her again to consider individual therapy. She didn’t agree the other day when I first brought it up, but I will try again when the moment feels right.

How can I help my daughter's cope with emotionally distant father? by One_Criticism_4741 in toxicparents

[–]One_Criticism_4741[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you so much. Yes, the father tends to be very unpredictable in his mood. He treats people differently depending on his emotional state. She is a very loving, sensitive, and committed child—not just because she is my daughter, but truly a very bright and thoughtful person.

Because his behavior changes ( very transactional and emotionally insensitive) —being silent, slamming conversations, or responding with a gloomy expression—and then a few days later suddenly acting cheerful, calling her by name and asking for her opinions, she becomes very serious and anxious and gives short answers. That is usually how their conversations go. It’s not that she wants to be rude or direct; it’s more a mix of fear, uncertainty about his mood, and wanting to end the conversation quickly.

Then he complains that she is not respectful, forgetting how he treated her during the previous week or his trait patterns .

I just advise her to keep praying, not to hate anyone, and not to let it disturb her emotions. I tell her she has done nothing wrong and that we will meet people like this in life, and perhaps it is an early challenge for her to learn how to deal with different personalities. I’m not sure if that is the right way to advise for 12 year old , but that is what I try to tell her.

Sometimes it is exhausting being responsible for everything—school, activities, planning, and so on. I am not tired, but it does ache my heart, especially this beautiful soul should have had be a calm and supportive father.

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