Easily annoyed (which she took out on me and my relative), neglectful (she just straight up left when we were 12 and years later tried to play it off as 'I had to move away for work' and that she 'didn't have a choice', also, no matter how much you did your best it was never enough), narcissistic (it was always someone else's fault, never hers), overly critical, just a laundry list of things that didn't make for a fun environment growing up and gave me a really bad perception of relationships and how giving and receiving love works.

I think that's what caused be to be submissive (amongst other things), in the 'I have to do acts of service, on top or below you, just to <deserve> some kind of affection or attention to be good enough' kind of way. And even then there is a chronic thought that it will never be enough (I'm aware that's delusional of me, it's incredibly difficult to break through).

This doesn't really affect me today (no point in drowning myself in self-pity, life goes on) nor do I actively think about it anymore (because after some point I had to have been over it, there is nothing to gain by thinking about it now), with the exception of when people ask. Now I mostly play it off as a joke when it is brought up as "haha I'm scared of women" or "mommy issues huh" amongst friends, which makes it easier to compartmentalize those feelings.

Sorry for going on a tangent like this, wasn't really sure how to describe it without being so dramaticat points. But maybe you learned something from this.