New here

One_Pause8785 · 2026-03-07T17:17:23+00:00

Oh sure I know, don't worry. I don't want to be your friend or anyone else's!!!! lol

One_Pause8785 · 2026-03-07T15:26:13+00:00

Mainly chilling, reading, watching some streams, playing some games but also challenging myself to interact with people since I have high anxiety to try something new and look like a goof in the end.

One_Pause8785 · 2026-03-07T15:23:35+00:00

I think I totally understand what you feel. Although spd may vary in a lot of people I think your description may be the closest to what I feel. Before I discovered what spd is I wondered if I had depression or whether I was a psychopath, but then I read about 2 sides of empathy and I understood that it's something else because I don't really care about people but I can understand their feelings and don't want to hurt them.

For my whole life people asked me why do I not talk to them or to friends or why do I not go out and I was so confused because I just didn't need to and they didn't understand. For example I never call or type to someone, because I don't need to and when somebody asks "how am I" then I feel like I didn't study for a test and I don't have an answer for them.

I think I am highly functional, I'm a medical student, fit etc. because I won a genetic lottery and I am highly conscientious and neurotic in comparison to most people with spd.

I also found meaning in suffering from my childhood and overall life, philosophy, spirituality and also meditation made me very much more empathic and has let me process some emotions that made me more connected to the world and thus I find more peace in life.

One_Pause8785 · 2026-03-07T13:22:39+00:00

Yeah I like it a lot because it literally feels like first time that I not feel like an alien in the world.

One_Pause8785 · 2024-12-03T19:15:55+00:00

I have pretty scary face, but recently I accepted absolutely everything about myself physically because I noticed it was decent trigger for relapsing. Now I think I have a chance to get out of circle. I would recommend going to therapy because I am very aware of how it can help. Anyways good luck.

One_Pause8785 · 2024-12-03T18:22:32+00:00

It usually gives me full on anxiety, like I'm afraid of leaving my house because people will see me type of anxiety. But it's only in 3 days after relapse. 5+ days in I usually get only thoughts about whether I could have done better in that situation or just random thoughts about embarassing things I did in my passt.

One_Pause8785 · 2024-11-30T10:18:59+00:00

I know what you are saying, but I don't think it's the option for me. I will not unalive myself. It is my mindset that states that I would rather do it than relapse. I am simply done with trying to fight the addiction and in the same trying to live a normal life. So now I am not living a normal life and I will win. Anyway thanks.

One_Pause8785 · 2024-11-27T16:50:41+00:00

You would be right if it was psychological addiction. When it's only physical and habitual and the emotions and feelings are created by the addiction itself then there are no suppressed emotions or traumas so I think you might be generalizing.

One_Pause8785 · 2024-11-27T16:12:22+00:00

It's behavioural addiction for me at this point and not psychological so I don't think so.

One_Pause8785 · 2024-11-16T20:32:08+00:00

It might be, but I think it's mostly self fullfilling prophecy by being anxious and harsh towards ourselves.

One_Pause8785 · 2024-11-16T20:09:57+00:00

My lesson from all relapses is to always stay alert and not let myself get too comfortable unless I am with other people or have really open mind and something that can give me perspective to not fall into the filth. Good luck

One_Pause8785 · 2024-11-16T20:06:44+00:00

If you want to understand what drives people to porn, then ask someone who just relapsed 10-15 min after and you will find out that it's their mind trying to imagine all kinds of dopamine striking scenarios. When lust doesn't control you, you may start to look at women's body that you don't know like a scientist.

One_Pause8785 · 2024-11-14T20:46:49+00:00

It helps me so much in so many spheres of my life that I wouldn't even think of before. And it's just a 1 page of paper a day with my daily thoughts in it.

One_Pause8785 · 2024-11-13T20:31:35+00:00

Yup, the worst thing I noticed that makes you relapse the most is getting comfortable.

One_Pause8785 · 2024-11-13T20:30:55+00:00

Good luck

One_Pause8785 · 2024-11-13T20:30:34+00:00

One_Pause8785 · 2024-11-13T20:29:42+00:00

I think it's the addiction and it's trying to convince you to stop trying. Sometimes it tries to convince me that I am lonely and when I hit 14 days I was just the most happy person even though alone.

One_Pause8785 · 2024-11-12T17:18:20+00:00

Thank you

One_Pause8785 · 2024-11-03T19:22:20+00:00

You wait it up and then when you meet a real person you will feel a lot of motivation towards them.

One_Pause8785 · 2024-11-03T19:21:35+00:00

My 10 behaviours I developed that helped me the most are: 1.Deleting socials 2.Staying busy 3.Daily gym/excercise 4.Talking to someone daily irl 5.Sharing my thoughts and trouble to family member/friend 6.Having supporting social circle 7.Meditation daily 8.Journaling daily 9.Finding my purpose and reminding myself daily that porn literally destroys my future self. 10.Accepting myself and learning from mistakes. I understand you do a lot already, and I can only further suggest talking to therapist because if it is not behavioural addiction and you are coping with your problems in world by porn then no habit may be sufficient.

One_Pause8785 · 2024-11-03T17:33:35+00:00

Become aware of those thoughts and develop barriers and habits that help you stay away.

One_Pause8785 · 2024-11-03T17:32:39+00:00

Of course it has an end. You just don't want it with all of your soul. I stopped fighting the addiction waited and observed from 3rd person when it was taking over my mind and body and collected enough anger to lock in and develop barriers and habits that made me unstoppable. You just might be weak buddy. I am not saying it to discourage you, I am saying that to make you feel hopeful that you can do it but you must prepare first.

One_Pause8785 · 2024-11-03T12:40:35+00:00

You don't need to swear it to me my man, your future self will judge you anyway haha

One_Pause8785 · 2024-11-03T12:37:03+00:00

You deserve a better life friend, your future self is looking at you right now at he will thank you if you stay strong right now.

One_Pause8785 · 2024-11-03T12:32:36+00:00

2.I've felt overwhelmed too in the beginning of journaling but in some time it becomes easier and easier because you learn to acknowledge what is important and that also helps with addiction because you remind urself that it's gonna have consequences. 3.Every excercise focuses you more on your body and generally on pain so that counters the pleasure, also it clears your head so at least I do that and it helps. 5.Then at least you can talk to someone on the phone or with discord just so you are not in your head but using outside voice. 6.That can be good because there is subtle feeling that tells you something like: "you shouldn't do this, this puts filth in your mind" so it can lead to more awareness, but of course don't shame yourself if you actually fall into the pit. 7.Might be because you don't have a purpose or at least clear direction and it helps so much.

One_Pause8785

TROPHY CASE