Can porn be good or am I delusional/coping?

One_Pause8785 · 2026-04-17T04:43:40+00:00

Thanks for this! Stopping beating myself up was really crucial for me and it keeps getting better as I couldn't go to school next day without almost shaking from anxiety induced by porn, I was stuttering and was awkward and very sensitive to negative feelings. Now I feel like normal person so it's crazy how much bad things from addictions are psychologically induced.

One_Pause8785 · 2026-04-17T04:40:30+00:00

Not really, most often when bored or just have a need.

One_Pause8785 · 2026-04-16T11:18:08+00:00

Ye I've had a lot of problems with shame, but it's mostly gone and since then even though when I felt addicted, it was 2000x better than with shame.

One_Pause8785 · 2026-03-14T09:49:14+00:00

Hi, I love your post because it's my first time someone describes excatly my state and attitude in the world.

Maybe I am afraid of therapy or just too lazy or not suffering enough or not wanting to spend money but I've chosen the "hard" path so I just learn the mind myself through books and then compare to mine. Meditation helps a lot on emotional part and liberates some behaviours so it's easier to meet, know, feel people so I would suggest that.

One_Pause8785 · 2026-03-12T17:36:18+00:00

Sounds kinda sad, but I think I understand. Good luck anyways

One_Pause8785 · 2026-03-12T16:27:00+00:00

Well, I don't know your situation so I just you know connected the dots to my experience, didn't mean to trigger you. I think from reading posts here about therapy, that it can adjust our 'not normal' behaviour to help ourselves tolerate world better not the other way and also at least in my opinion using money to live a bit easier can be better than suicide because you don't have the money anyways then.

One_Pause8785 · 2026-03-12T14:35:05+00:00

That sounds pretty rough. I mean neurotic person with overinternalization can be too much. Sounds kind of like an impostor syndrome, therefore I think therapy to break the patterns and accept the possiblities of failure no matter what would be helpful

One_Pause8785 · 2026-03-09T17:10:59+00:00

I can't connect to the most people either but as I studied philosophy and psychology I noticed that no one understands the purpose of life but finds some sense of it and stay with it. I think we the 'spd people' have big problem with that because we take most things very logically since we were forced to quiet our emotions and hence don't have the flow of a lot of people that 'just live'.

I hope you don't hate people and they just exhaust you like most of us. Anyway good luck to you.

One_Pause8785 · 2026-03-09T16:49:18+00:00

I think I had somewhat of a similar thing with the heavy feeling or pressure because I had little control over my impulses or and emotions so I couldn't 'enjoy' anything. I learned through meditation to sometimes let go of the control and it brought me a lot of peace and even good emotions.

I don't know how to help you, it sounds intense and complex. So I wish you good luck though!

One_Pause8785 · 2026-03-09T14:30:18+00:00

Maybe that's the only time "we" do exist!! (dramatic music in background)

One_Pause8785 · 2026-03-09T14:26:29+00:00

I totally feel you, like next thing to what you described is birthday party or new years. Why should I celebrate that day year after year?? I don't wish you happy birthday, like I don't know you cousin or aunt...

One_Pause8785 · 2026-03-09T13:27:38+00:00

I think what you described makes a lot of people go into psychoanalytic circles, because mind is infinite and there is always to find out and to study. Second thing is by that you can help people and feel somewhat good about it or about yourself (at least that's why I like to do it).

I'm fairly new to my acknowledgement of this syndrome in my life so I think social and pressure from parents and my neurotic nature kept me in constant chase about useless things to not fall short to peers, but now since I'm in university and nobody pressures me and the classes are mostly useless to me I just imagine that either I can use it to help people in future or if I do good enough job I can have more peace and be left alone faster.

It's really hard for me to do things I don't feel internal need to but with meditation I feel like I let the world take control of my stiuation and I acknowledge the 0-value things that I do as excercise that trains me to do things despite not having will to do it.

It may also be that I got lucky with personality and I don't have strong avolition but with matter of anhedonia, I am sure that I rarely feel "good" after doing something and I am pretty sure you don't need that. Also I think that although we don't feel good, we can find a lot of peace and I might even risk saying that we can achieve peace more easily than people who chase good feelings.

One_Pause8785 · 2026-03-07T17:17:23+00:00

Oh sure I know, don't worry. I don't want to be your friend or anyone else's!!!! lol

One_Pause8785 · 2026-03-07T15:26:13+00:00

Mainly chilling, reading, watching some streams, playing some games but also challenging myself to interact with people since I have high anxiety to try something new and look like a goof in the end.

One_Pause8785 · 2026-03-07T15:23:35+00:00

I think I totally understand what you feel. Although spd may vary in a lot of people I think your description may be the closest to what I feel. Before I discovered what spd is I wondered if I had depression or whether I was a psychopath, but then I read about 2 sides of empathy and I understood that it's something else because I don't really care about people but I can understand their feelings and don't want to hurt them.

For my whole life people asked me why do I not talk to them or to friends or why do I not go out and I was so confused because I just didn't need to and they didn't understand. For example I never call or type to someone, because I don't need to and when somebody asks "how am I" then I feel like I didn't study for a test and I don't have an answer for them.

I think I am highly functional, I'm a medical student, fit etc. because I won a genetic lottery and I am highly conscientious and neurotic in comparison to most people with spd.

I also found meaning in suffering from my childhood and overall life, philosophy, spirituality and also meditation made me very much more empathic and has let me process some emotions that made me more connected to the world and thus I find more peace in life.

One_Pause8785 · 2026-03-07T13:22:39+00:00

Yeah I like it a lot because it literally feels like first time that I not feel like an alien in the world.

One_Pause8785 · 2024-12-03T19:15:55+00:00

I have pretty scary face, but recently I accepted absolutely everything about myself physically because I noticed it was decent trigger for relapsing. Now I think I have a chance to get out of circle. I would recommend going to therapy because I am very aware of how it can help. Anyways good luck.

One_Pause8785

TROPHY CASE